MARRIAGE

CLASSES

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 MARRIAGE COMMITTEE
DUTIES
 To counsel with all intending couples of the church.
 To organize courtship classes for those preparing for marriage in the church.

FOR THE PURPOSE OF COURTSHIP

Just Before You Say I Do

All intending couples make sure you adopt PATSON-

 Proposal must be made with pastoral consent.
 Attendance of all the courtship classes is compulsory for all intending couples.
 The church should be notified of intention to get married by the couple in writing
 Sex before marriage is prohibited and must not be compromised.
 Only registered members of the church will be joined in marriage.
 Notification of at least four (4) months must be given to the Church by all intending couples.

Note: Where a Global Harvest sister has been proposed to by a brother outside the church, she should
immediately notify the pastor of acceptance or vice versa; ditto, if the brother is a harvester.

GUIDELINES ON COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE

Note: A member of Global Harvest Church is one who has completed the membership school in the
Global Harvest Academy

1.0 GENERAL RULES AND REGULATIONS

1. A sister going into marriage should not be less than 21 years of age.
2. Courtship and dating before new birth should be discontinued.
3. Courtship should be within 6 months and 3 years from the date of approval of the courtship by the
marriage committee.

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 4. Under no circumstance should courtship proposal be made without prior notification and approval
of the supervising pastor.
5. A brother is expected to make a proposal and not the sister.
6. Where a Global Harvest sister has been proposed to by a brother outside the church, she should
immediately notify the pastor (marriage committee) about her acceptance or vice versa.
7. The supervising counsellor should be notified before a relationship is continued.
8. Intending couples must have parental consents before marriage. Where this is not the case, the face
of the Lord must be sought for favour.
9. They should not engage in sex. This is fornication; they should not sleep in the same room within
or outside where they are based. Neither should they visit each other at odd hours of the night (I
Corinthians 6: 18-20)
10. During courtship issues like past marriages, children should be disclosed to each other and the
supervising counsellor.
11. No one is allowed courtship with an unsaved person. “Do not be unequally yoked…” (II
Corinthians 6; 14-16)
12. A brother should not be engaged with more than one sister at a time and vice versa.
13. Any courtship entered into without the prior approval/blessing of the marriage committee will not
be recognised by the church.
14. In the case of a sister pregnant before marriage, among other sanctions, the pastor shall not join
them in holy matrimony and shall not be involved with the union until the baby is born. The
couple shall both bear full responsibility for their action.

2.0 GENERAL CONDUCT OF COUPLES IN COURTSHIP

1. They are not yet married therefore they are expected to conduct themselves in a manner that
excludes “the appearance of all evil” reports. (1 Thessalonians 5: 22)
2. They should pray and plan together towards their future home. However, this should not be done at
odd hours of the day.
3. They should have healthy fellowship through sharing the word and fasting and other
commendable spiritual exercises in preparation for the new home.
4. They should maintain healthy communication with each other.
5. The general attitude of the intending couples should be that of care, love, concern, and mutual
respect towards each other and honour for God. (Hebrews 13:4)
6. They should develop trust and confidence in one another as they plan towards the new home.
7. They should always remember that they are not yet married; therefore, they should not get
physically involved with one another i.e. kissing, necking, and petting and other related actions
that can stir up their emotions and lead to sexual acts before marriage.
8. Those who discontinue their relationship for whatever reasons should wait for at least six (6)
months before going into a fresh relationship.

STEPS FOR CORRECTION

1. The offender may receive spiritual discipline from the church.

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 2. Suspension for at least three (3) months from his/her respective ministries.
3. If the offence is committed by a church leader, he/she shall be relieved of his/her leadership role
immediately.
4. The offender shall not leave the church, but shall sit in the congregation and not minister
5. The congregation shall be notified of the offence and sanctions from the pulpit (1Tim 5:20).
6. These sanctions are subjects to periodical reviews as and when due by the church board.

LESSON ONE
WHAT IS COURTSHIP?
Eccl. 4:9-12 - “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labour”
Eph. 5:21 - “Submitting to one another in the fear of the Lord”
Gen. 5:2 - “Male and Female created He them; and bless them and called their name Adam, in the
day when they were created’.

At creation, God put the female gender in the man, but man could not tap effectively into the vast
resources God has put in that aspect of his life. Adam was alone (in terms of companionship) but was not
lonely because he had a wholesome relationship with God (fellowship with God) until the day Eve was
brought to him. He wasn’t lonely; but God had to bring Eve out of him to behold and to fellowship with.
(Genesis 2: 18-22)

Courtship is the period during which a man and a woman get to know one another after they have both
agreed to start a relationship, leading to marriage. Courtship begins when both parties have agreed to the
leading of God in their hearts as future marriage partners. It is the interval between the day of agreement
to the proposal and the actual wedding day. The Courtship period affords us a good opportunity to prove
and love God more (Romans 5:8). We can draw on the potentials of God’s kind of love in our hearts and
allow it to find physical expression in the relationship with our intended spouse.

WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF COURTSHIP

The purpose of Courtship is getting to know one another through a well-nurtured relationship, exposure
and communication in order to prove the proposed marriage convictions within the context of time.
“Time is an asset to any relationship. So time is an asset to your courtship relationship. The focus of
courting should not be on the flesh or mere physical attractiveness. You must get to know the person not
the person’s body. Don’t misplace your priorities and be too concern about sex. You must build your
relationship on the expression of agape love and not just body ties. Adding value to one another should be
your foremost priority. Nurturing our relationship involves striving for love and understanding during

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your courtship and even after your marriage. You must seek to understand your intended spouse, as this
will ensure the building of a successful marriage. Good understanding will always procure the favour of
God, which ultimately brings establishment in marriage.

The longer your courtship, the better. Don’t be in a rush, but also, it should not be too long. (Except either
party is in school or travelled). (Genesis 24:12-27). You need to declare your identity, who you are to your
spouse over time so that you can avoid the surprising circumstances or situations that the devil arranges to
destabilise relationship. You must declare your worth and sense of commitment to the relationship and
your spouse over time.

Don’t sleep with yourselves before marriage; it’s not a substitute for the expression of genuine love. If you
do, it means you don’t love your intended spouse enough; otherwise, you will not want to take her/him
from God’s presence. (Gen3:8). There is something sex before marriage takes away from every
meaningful relationship; it erodes trust and breeds suspicion and infidelity (1 John 4:18). Pleasing God
should be the focus of every single person, and this should still be your focus after marriage.

By the time you are getting married, you are sure what you are the right choice for each other. You have
been able to prove God’s assurance in your hearts. Courtship therefore is that period of conscious
preparation of two people for the fulfilment of the call of God on their lives in and through marriage.
Parental consent is important and necessary in every courtship leading to marriage. (Eph 6:2-3, Gen
24:58-61).

WHAT TO DO DURING COURTSHIP?

1. Communicate:
What about?
a) Things of God and life in general. By having verbal communication, you will get to know
one another’s views on issues and then you will be able to make decisions and policies
for your home that are in line with God’s word.
b) You should discuss about your background influences – Spiritual, mental, traditional,
academic, family, rich vs. lowly, educated vs. uneducated, ethnic and cultural differences
which always affect our value systems about life. Resolve issues by asking questions
(Hosea 4:, John 8:32)

Share your lifetime goals and visions with each other – You must develop a plan, a schedule, goals,
objectives, aspirations and passions for your life, which reflect and have a powerful impact on your
walk with God, marriage career, business and ministry. This will always culminate into what we call
VISION. You must prayerfully consider all these in line with His will for your life and come up wit a
statement of purpose for your life. In your relationship therefore, you must seek how to personally adapt
and help one another to fulfil what you believe is the purpose of God for your lives. (Eph 2:10, Hab. 2:1-4,
Jer. 29:11-13). Share God’s word, pray and encourage one another towards God.

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Marriage is not an automatic ticket to happiness. Marriage does not automatically guarantee your
happiness in life. It is your commitment towards the marriage covenant as established by God that
will provide your happiness and fulfilment in your home. People grossly underestimate the price
people have to pay to build and achieve a long-term mutually satisfying relationship they are looking for.
They fail to understand that it is only those who commit themselves with the strength of GOD and pay the
prices that enjoy a lasting relationship in marriage. Out of their relationships with God, they have dealt
with their own brokenness and have reached a place where God’s strength is made perfect in their
weaknesses and have enjoyed fulfilment within the context of their singleness.

ASSIGNMENT:
(1) List 5 expectations you will have of your partner when you are married.
(2) Write down your lifetime goals under the following headings; Spiritual/Physical/mental (career)
marital and social.

HOW TO GET OUT OF COURTSHIP.

INTRODUCTION
Marriage is a long-term commitment. We must carefully consider our choices and stay committed to what
we believe, if it is God’s leading in our hearts. Reconsidering our convictions, breaking of our
relationships will require waiting on God and must be carefully considered. (Isaiah 40:29-31)

BEFORE YOU BREAK UP

 What is the cause of this decision?
 What do I do to prevent future reoccurrence?
 Where am I going from here?
 Am I entering into another relationship immediately?
 How do I deal with the emotional hurts that have been in my heart – towards my fiancé and other
parties involved?
You must therefore reassess yourself, talk it over with your spouse, make sure your self-esteem is not
battered and ensure you make progress with your life and do not allowing self-pity, emotional trauma to
make you stagnate. The warning here is do not impulsively jump into another relationship. You must:
 Ask God for the spirit of love.
 Deal with emotional stress in your mind (Rom. 12:2).
 Deal with the pain in our heart – forgive. Don’t endanger your health.
 Allow time for healing (Eccl. 3:1-11). Master your emotional reactions.
BEFORE YOU ENTER INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP
 Set goals for your marital destiny (Luke 14:28-30).
 Allow God to heal you and then still choose for you (Isa. 48:17).
 Hear from God before you make your choice again (Rom. 12:2).
 Get to understand the differences between a man and woman and how to relate with the opposite
sex (I Peter 3:7).

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  Do not withdraw from people. Friendship is part of life. We are created for relationships and not
for isolation. God can use your circle of influence to launch you into your marital destiny.

ALWAYS REMEMBER
 Offences will surely come.
 God has giving us grace to love people (Rom. 5:5).
 Hurts may come close, but we can always adopt the principle of forgiveness.
HOW TO FORGIVE AND FORGET
 Nip it in the bud.
 Give thanks (I Thess. 5:18).
 God chastens (Heb. 12:5-11).
 Remember the good things and good side about people.
 Our relationship with God is the basis for the healing of hurts.
 Breaking up relationships should enable us the opportunity to develop love, trust, and character.
 Study people’s temperaments before you misinterpret them.

ASSIGNMENT
If you are to be engaged again, what kind of person will u want? List your expectations.

“You need a change, beginning with you”

LESSON TWO
WHAT IS MARRIAGE?
Marriage is the oldest institution in the world and it has her foundation in God (Heb 3:4, Col. 1:16).
Marriage is God’s original idea after creation. It is not a man’s idea, so it does not have her origin in
human philosophical beliefs and traditions. It is the union of man and a woman with a view to build a
home. Marriage involves making of verbal or written statements/vows of unconditional commitment to
one another in the presence of witnesses (Gen. 24:58). So it is not two people living together or cohabiting
without a deep sense of commitment towards one another. Commitment is the key word in the marriage
institution. There must first be commitment to the person of Jesus, which enhances your commitment
towards your spouse.

DEFINITION – WHAT IS MARRIAGE? Gen. 2:20-24, Eccl. 4:9-12

(a) A Christian marriage is a covenant relationship. It is Formal and mutual agreement
between a man, a woman and God (the author of marriage) that is binding.
(b) Marriage is the total commitment of two people sexes to the person of Jesus Christ and to one
another without fear of intimidation (I John 4:18)
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(c) Marriage is a pledge of mutual fidelity and subordination (Eph 5:21) i.e. faithfulness and loyalty
are the key words, and then seeing yourselves as equally important and not inferior to your
spouse but of the same species and joint heirs to the grace of God (Romans 8:17)

REASONS FOR MARRIAGE:

UNIVERSALITY/WRONG REASONS (WHY PEOPLE MARRY)
1. To spite or get back at one’s parents – This is definitely not an escape route or a safety net.
2. Negative self-image. How do you perceive yourself now? Marriage won’t make you
worthwhile or acceptable to your spouse or others, so you must deal with low self-esteem,
rejection and all known hurts or pity party syndromes before entering into a relationship.
3. To be a therapist or counsellor to your fiancé because of awful situation and circumstances of
their past.
4. Fear of being left out because of old age or status. Social pressure among peers, parents,
church and friends.
5. Fear of dependence – people like to get out of control – Parents, Uncles and Siblings because
of perceived domination.
6. Marriage on rebound – As a result of strong emotional trauma or sense of loss or jilt because of
hurt in a former relationship. You can’t afford to rush into another relationship without
adequate healing.
7. Fear of hurting a friend or acquaintances – Don’t marry out of pity or because you don’t want
to offend someone.
8. To escape an unhappy home because someone claims he or she loves you e.g. polygamous
background.
9. People marry because their fiancé is pregnant (about ¼ of marriages results in this) or because
they had sex, enjoy the experience or think they are sexually compatible.
10. They enjoy invented images of physical or emotional needs and other form of loneliness – they
marry someone they think can solve all their problems and have their presumed needs met.

HEALTHY REASONS FOR MARRIAGE

1. For Companionship (Gen 2:18, Mal. 2:14)
2. For Completion – Marriage hinges on friendship. You marry someone you can count on; feel
comfortable with, someone who believes in you, your dreams, potentials, concerns and can
laugh with you. You can jointly work together to fulfil and establish God’s purpose for your
lives. (Eccl. 4:9)
3. For Coition – To fulfil sexual needs and fulfilment in the way God establishes it (Heb. 13:4).
We are sexual beings. Sex is good, pure, glorious and holy but has been packaged within
marriage.

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 4. For Communication – We get to know, understand, demonstrate and express love the way
God intends it (1 John 4:18).
5. For Consolation – To establish your conviction, which you believe it is God’s will for you to
marry your spouse to be (Eph.5:22-23) and enhance your growth in your relationship (Eph
4:15-16).

ESSENTIALS OF A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

1. Adaptability and Flexibility – ability to change and adapt to new changes that marriage brings.
2. Empathy – Being sensitive to the needs of your intended future partner
3. Your ability to work through problems Prov 24:10
4. Your ability to give and receive love.
5. Your ability to understand and cope with background influences in marriage.
6. Emotional stability – Your ability to recognize your emotions and being able to control them.
7. Development of Communication skills – The art or listening, use of words and other relational
abilities.

ASSIGNMENT: List 5 reasons why you want to marry your fiancé.

LESSON THREE
UNDERSTANDING MARRIAGE AS A COVENANT
Marriage is not a necessary evil (Gen 1:31, 2:18). Marriage is simply the demonstration of strategy. Man
was not created for isolation, but for cooperation (Eccl. 4:9-12). Only “dead” people can have blissful
marriages. The foundation for a successful marriage is the understanding that it is a covenant. Marriage is
a blood covenant between God, and the couple. A man and a woman, entering into marriage without
covenant sense, signifies lack of commitment by the parties involved and absence of God in that union. It
is breaking of covenant that leads to martial stress and break ups in marriages because until the covenant
with God is in place, the covenant with man is unreliable (II Cor 6:16-18). The law that governs covenant
is the law of obedience. Obeying covenant conditions guarantees blessings while disobedience guarantees
curses (Prov 26:2).

THE COVENANT
The family has a special place in the heart of God. Every covenant God has made with man includes
blessing on the family (Acts 16:30-31). Covenant breakers plunge into family problems (Mal. 2:14-16). A
covenant is greater than a promise. Each party is agreeing to do something as a pre-requisite to receiving
some benefits. God expects obedience in covenant agreement. His own part is always constant while the

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man and the woman remains the variables (Job 36:11). So marriage is between a covenant man and a
covenant woman (Amos 3:3, I Cor. 6:14). Marriage is a covenant relationship and not just a promise. A
good marriage is not a promise from God except you obey the terms of the covenant (Mal. 13:6, Heb13:8,
Isaiah 1:19).

GOD

MAN WOMAN

MAN WOMAN GOD

I Tim 5:8 Provider Eph. 5:22, 25 Helpmeet Heb 3:4
Eph. 5:23, 25 Leader Prov. 31:10-31 Companion Isaiah 1:19, Acts 2:39
Prophet Prov. 14:1 Builder Job 36:11, Acts 16:30-31
Priest Gen 1:27-28, Deut. 7:12-16
God assures us that as long as we live in obedience to the terms of the covenant and build our homes with
His ever-lasting principles about marriage. He will ensure that our homes remain built. (Amos 3:3, Eph
5:29, Gen 2:24)

JUDGING MATURITY FOR MARRIAGE – JOB 32:8

Gen 2:24 – Emphasises a “man” and a “woman” shall leave their parents.
Marriage is not for boys and girls. Adulthood is a requirement. There is need or maturity in age, spiritual,
social, mental, emotional, financial development. You must be ready for parenthood. You must be
balanced emotionally. “Leaving and cleaving” to become ONE is the golden rule of marriage. A matured
person within the context of marriage must be:
1. One who can handle responsibilities, setbacks and disappointments.
2. One who is flexible, positive, responsive to change and can receive correction.
3. One who is less critical, not destructive in criticism, not proud, but meek and not a faultfinder but
open-hearted
4. One who has access to and exploits the wisdom of God to his/her own advantage with proven
results in their lives
5. One who sees through and open to God enough about their weaknesses and is absolutely
dependent on the mercy and grace of God for supernatural interventions.
6. One who is responsible and has a job or business enterprise.
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 LESSON FOUR
COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE
INTRODUCTION
Communication is very vital in marriage. Marriage is 80% communication. Communication is to marriage
what blood is to life. It is impossible to have any kind of relationship unless there is effective
communication. We cannot separate effective communication from our relationships in life. Living
together in an atmosphere of love ensures stable marriage, which in turns enhances long life.

WHAT IS COMMUNICATION
Communication is defined as the art of passing across news, information, feelings and thought to someone
else and receiving a feedback. In marriage, you cannot be said to have effectively communicated, until
you successfully pass across your message or thoughts to your spouse. This is different from talking and
speaking. It is when a person can see and feel what you mean. God intended that a man and a woman
should be fulfilled in their marriage, but poor communication is the strong reason behind raucous, fracas,
bitterness, envy and brutality in many Christian homes today (Gen. 2:25). We must at every time, in every
situation be ready to stoop (bend) for one another in love, to conquer Satan.

Don’t assume too much about your spouse or assume that they understand you clearly each time you
speak, make certain you get a feedback or response, this is when communication becomes effective. You
need to effectively communicate if you want a blissful home. Adam and Eve were a perfect couple in a
perfect home, but they missed it as per communication. Adam assumed Eve understood the instructions
that God had given him (Gen. 3:1-4)

Intending couples must therefore be open, sincere and expose any known hidden habits, past experiences
in life and manners that can ruin their future home. Lifetime goals, visions, aspirations, and objectives in
life, career, business, and ministry must be clearly presented and understood by the parties involved. Open
up your communication lines today and it will save you from headaches tomorrow.

VEHICLE OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

Words are the vehicle for effective communication (Eph. 4:29). There is what to say, when to say it,
where to say it and how to say it. We communicate in four (4) ways:
i. Talking
ii. Listening
iii. Actions
iv. Attitudes and Atmosphere (Gen. 16:4-6)

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There is also the use if facial expressions, body movement, verbal speech, and tone of voice. The tone of
voice experts agree, contribute 38% in communication, 7% in the use of words and non-verbal expression
only 55%. You must understand that speaking does not equates communication, your attitudes, gestures
and the atmosphere you create around your life matters a lot, you need to understand your mate and
always ask the right questions (Prov. 15:1) for example if you have an introverted partner:
1. Learn to listen the few times your spouse talks and he will be encouraged to communicate more.
2. Your partner will be encouraged to open up when you ask appropriate questions.
3. Employ the wisdom of giving soft answers in your communication pattern (Prov. 15:1)
4. Always discern the right time to speak or reply (Prov. 15:23, 16:24, 25:11).

COMPONENTS OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

1. TRUST
Trust is precious in effective communication. It means you have full confidence, faith and assurance in
that person (Gen. 2:25). Each partner must work at being trustworthy. Learn to keep secrets (Prov.
20:5) you must be a good listener and always ask the right questions (Prov. 15:1)

2. UNDERSTANDINGS
Prov. 24:3, Prov. 13:15, Prov. 27:14
Good understanding will always bring establishment in marriage. Keep talking using words with
points and purpose (not nagging), listen responsively, and express opposing ideas lovingly.

3. OPENESS
Isaiah 58:7, Eph. 13:28, Prov. 28:13.
Be open to one another. You can’t afford to hide anything from each other. Whatever is covered will
eventually come to the light of the day. It may then come with shame and disaster. Openness is not
only for women, men must also learn the act of opening up to their wives. When you are faced with a
conflict and cannot readily agree, consider the root cause. Learn not to correct your spouse in the
presence of a third party (Gen 2:25)

BENEFITS OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

1. It helps you build intimacy – you become best of friends. You can predict your partner’s
reaction. You have the freedom to ask a sincere questions on issues you don’t understand,
but seek for clarification. Prov. 15:23, Prov. 15:11, Prov. 25:11, Isaiah 50:4
2. It helps you nurture truthfulness in your dealings with one another – open acceptance and
repentance strengthens our relationships in marriage (Prov. 16:21, 15:28, Eph. 4:15).

We usually assume a lot about one another, but what you are getting into is the most practical period of
human existence. We are confronted face to face with the realities of life within the context of marriage,
so we cannot afford to have any hidden agenda. No matter how secretive we have been, there is no
pleasure in a marriage full of secret. We must be real, confident to express ourselves without any fear of
sense of insecurity (I John 4:18).

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For effective communication: Meditate on Matt. 12:34-37, Eph. 4:29-32, Eph. 5:18-19, Col. 4:6, Titus
3:1-2.

ASSIGNMENT: Write down things you don’t presently understand about your spouse

LESSON FIVE
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
You must add value to who you are before you get married. Who you are is the foundation for who you
become in life. Your nature will determine your future. There must be a specific definite internal change
and a genuine new birth experience. You are a product of your dominant thoughts. How do you see
yourself, your career, your business, and your marital destiny? Character is who you are and not what you
do or profess to be. Your character is the most valuable assets you will have in your married life (Prov.
23:7, Rom. 12:2, Gen. 39:2). You are a product of your thoughts. Who you are today is from your
dominant thoughts of yesterday and yester-years. Your thoughts will create your words, which dictate
your actions, which form your habits, which ultimately shape up your character.
Thoughts – Words – Actions – Habits – Character
God weighs us by our characters and not by our gifts. Sound characters are the most important
requirements for a successful marriage. There is no pretence about our character, which is a reflection of
our true nature.

HOW TO DEVELOPMENT CHARACTER

Growth in character is the pure work of the Holy Spirit. It is our cooperation with God, how much we
allow His word to work in and through us. It is a mark of spiritual growth. God puts the power on you, but
you will have to work on your character (Psalms 11:3, Galatians 5:16).

YOUR RESPONSIBILITY
Eph. 5:21-25, I Cor. 13:1-13, Pet 3:1-7
You must know yourself. You must be able to identify your strengths and weaknesses (Heb. 4:13, Joel
3:10)

TEMPERAMENTAL DIFFERENCES
Temperaments are a person’s natural way of thinking and behaviour.
It is the barometer that measures the things happening within us.
It is who we are before people have the opportunity of hearing us and relating with us.
1. Introverts 2. Extroverts

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 - Melancholic - Choleric
- Phlegmatic - Sanguine

A. Introverts are the cool personality types, more conscious of their thoughts than their environments.
B. Extroverts are the sociable, outstanding, friendly personality traits who are more alive to their
environment.

We must cultivate the fruit of the spirit (Gal. 5:10-20) deliberately. Allow the Holy Spirit to work in you
and turn your weaknesses into strengths (Phil. 2:13, II Cor. 12:6)

ASSIGNMENT
Q1. Myers-Briggs Personality Test
1. List what you believe your present strengths and weaknesses are?
2. State your drive/efforts to pass from the stage of weakness to strength?

ORAL TEST 3. Presently do you consider yourself to be

(a) Undisciplined?
(b) Outgoing?
(c) Dominating?
(d) Moody?
(e) One who procrastinate?
(f) Independent?
(g) Analytical?
(h) Calm?

LESSON SIX
CULTIVATING A STRONG MARRIAGE
Marriage is call to servant-hood, friendship, and lifetime commitment. It is a refining process with no
conditional clauses, risky, but can make life fulfilling. Commitment can carry a relationship and keep it
alive when romantic feelings are at low ebb. Married life sums days of renewal of your act of commitment
to your spouse. When you don’t understand the stages of changes of individual development, personal
identity and security, we have the tendency to have unsuccessful marriages. Only “dead” people have
good marriages – those who are dead to self, selfish desires and gratifications.
We must work on our marriages and then watch against militating factors, which break homes in our
world today.

1. Internal Factors

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We must be ready to nurture and cultivate our marriages the way God intended it. The following tips will
help you cultivate your marriage. Lack of it can destroy a marriage and make it unbearable.
a. Fun: You must enjoy your life partner. Take interest in one another’s activities because you will
stay together for the rest of your life (Prov 18:24, Gen. 2:24).
b. Laughter: Laughter runs a close second to fun in marriage. Laughter is contagious.
c. Encouragement: Build one another up. Show love and affection. Watch for those God-given
opportunities to demonstrate a servant’s heart through sacrificial love.
d. Honesty, forgiveness, and trust: Fulfilling and rewarding marriages take their root from these.
e. Communication: Learn to listen and to express yourself freely without fear. Resolve conflicts as
quickly as possible. Employ open discussion in your home regardless of any negative example you
may have been exposed to in life.
f. Compromise: Be ready and willing to give and take, being selfless at times for the other’s sake.
Put your spouse’s interest before your own. You must learn to practice true humility and
selflessness.
g. Priorities: Sharing the same priorities with your spouse will move your relationship in a positive
direction. Spend time alone with your mate and do activities that you both enjoy as best friends.
h. Togetherness: Marriage is a privilege. Your spouse should be your best friend, your confidant
your close associate. Don’t take your marriage for granted. You can make it either comfortable or
difficult for yourself. It is refined with time. The journey can be delightful and the experience you
share can be immensely satisfying. So make more of your marriage. Enjoy it satisfactorily (Eccl
9:9-12).
2. External Factors
a. Parents and In-laws: Don’t allow their interventions. Don’t expose your internal challenges to
them. They can complicate them instead of proffering solutions. You are not married to your parents
(Gen. 2:24). This understanding will help in your conflict resolutions and other decision – making
processes.
b. Background Influences: There are customs, tradition beliefs, values and affluence, which form
your belief system and attitude. Our responsibility is first towards God and then our spouse, before
people.
c. Church Doctrine: Denominational differences and doctrinal beliefs can sometimes cause
challenges in marriage. You must build your lives on the Word of God (1Pet.2:2, Mark 13:31)
d. Social Life: The company we keep through interactions influences our societal values but we must
glorify God in whatever we do (Col. 3:17).
e. Friends: Show me your friends, I can predict your future (Prov. 13:20, 1 Cor.15:33). Always
remember that your spouse is your best friend (Prov. 18:24)
f. Work: Don’t be addicted to your job at the expense of your family. You must reorder your priorities.
Your family comes first after God before work and other values of life.
g. Delay in procreation: This can sometimes cause a lot of problems in the home. We must always
stand on the promise of the covenant and not seek for alternative means (Deut.7:14-15, Eccl. 7:16-
17). A decent and purposeful life is the purpose of every marriage; children are just additions.

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 h. Education: At whatever level we find ourselves before marriage, we must seek to improve
ourselves. We must also learn to celebrate promotions we experience in marriage. We must learn to
be secured (1 John 4:18).
i. Unequal Yoke: At whatever level there must be no compromise at all (II Cor. 6:14-18).
j. The love of money: We must watch out any form of extravagance, flamboyance, wrong attitudes
towards money in our marriages (I Tim 6:18). We must be content with whatever we have per time.
k. Infidelity: Immorality in whatever form is SIN (James 4:17). Don’t get emotionally attached to
others instead of your spouse.
l. Adjustment period: Ability to put self behind. Adaptation to changes that comes with leaving our
parents and cleaving to our spouse, must be handled with mutual love and understanding (Gen2:24-
25). Whatever it is, the Bible must be our culture, our guide and pattern for living (Acts 19:20). The
Bible must at all times be final authority.

LESSON SEVEN
MONEY AND FAMILY FINANCE IN MARRIAGE
Money is the second major force after God that can influence our lives. Even though we say God’s power
is the ultimate, but in any divine relationship of marriage, we need money to run our homes effectively
and we must decide the place of money in the home and what we will do with it. We must establish the
place of money in the home whether it will be a servant or a master. Since “two shall become one” (mind),
we need to consider and agree on what we do with our possessions. To prevent unnecessary tension in
marriage, there must be a proper understanding of the place of money. We cannot agree on this without
expressing our individual perception about money, which is a reflection of our values. So the appropriate
question here will be, how do you see money? A MASTER OR A SERVANT?

FAMILY FINANCES
Money is important in the running of our home. “Money answers all things”. It helps us to pay our bills,
cloth our bodies, afford a good accommodation and generally be a source of blessing to others (Eccl.
10:19). We must develop an attitude of seeing money as our errand boy to fetch us what we need per time.
There is a great difference between what we need and what we want per time. We must be able to discern
and channel our resources towards a particular cause per time. There is no need for extravagant lifestyles.
The following should be taken into consideration to avoid tension in our family finances: - TRUST and
PLANNING. We must not forget the following no matter how we grow in our marriage relationship and
we should be able to adjust as God prospers us more financially (Eccl. 7:12). We must be open with each
other in the area of finances. Mutual financial goal is essential for the breakthroughs we desire. We must
always remember that:
 The family should be provided for. The man should work to provide for the basics – food, shelter,
clothes transport and other essential needs of life (I Tim. 5:8). Just like the Church depends on
Christ (God) for provisions, so does the nuclear family members have the right to ask the head

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 (Husband) for basic needs (Eph. 5:24-25). Housekeeping allowance should be adequately taken
care of budgeted for and adjusted accordingly, as the income increases with responsibility.
 The wife is the HELP MEET (Gen. 2:18). She must have a business sense and manage the
resources allotted very well. Income will always grow overtime, but a woman must be faithful
steward (I Cor 4:2). A woman should make it possible for her husband to trust her wholeheartedly
(Prov. 31:10)
 The wife can work and make additional income (Prov. 31:16). She also must be an investor. She
must develop money making skills (Prov. 19:14)
 Tithes, offerings, missionary support and other kingdom investments cannot and must not be
compromised (Prov. 11:25). Organize to give to your parents. Give to the poor. Investment in
shares, stocks can also be considered, but invest your money wisely. Also, gifts to friends and
relatives can be considered in order of priority, as God empowers you to fulfil such obligations.
 To be wealthy, you must learn to control your outflow. Build your family finances on the word of
God. Budget your income and stick to it. Learn to say “NO!” Don’t be under pressure. Sit down
together and agree on your finances – budget your income, expenditure, savings, and investments.
Plan for the future. Have a vision of your financial commitment and God will provide (Phil. 4:19).

Couples should discuss the order of priority funds should disbursed, putting this order in consideration.
Allocate the amount for each category of need and the mode of disbursement bearing in mind first tithes,
which must not be compromised (Malachi 3:10). Discuss your responsibilities, if any towards your
dependants, but above all, you must trust one another with money enough and be able to pool your
resources together to achieve worthwhile goals. Our attitude towards money should be such that God
would vouch for as good stewards.

WISDOM FOR FAMILY FINANCES

We must bear in mind that we are stewards of money. We are holding brief for God and that we are
accountable to Him in money matters. Money therefore should be a servant in the home. Wisdom
therefore demands that you are disciplined enough to do following:
1. Don’t buy impulsively; establish a budget in your money matters
2. Always allocate a specific amount for savings no matter how small your income (Prov. 21:14)
3. Cultivate the habit of giving – why? (Prov. 11:24-25). Loosen up. Avoid thinking too much about
money or a lack of it (Deut. 8:18). Your happiness in life is not tied to whether you have money or not.
4. Take a firm decision to be abased and to abound (Phil. 4:11-12) with joy.
5. You cannot have both money and abundant material things at least in the beginning (Prov. 21:17). You
must gather steadily through hard work and God’s favour.
6. Don’t consolidate your bills, bite them bit-by-bit. When a man can’t provide, he is robbed of his
dignity.
7. Always work with your own hands and be willing to work. Let your work bring increase into your life

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8. Money does not bring true happiness, but you can’t be happy without it (Psalm 144:12-15, Eccl. 10:19)

ASSIGNMENT: ORAL TEST (Please Be Real)

1. When money is given to you, who determines how it is spent? Husband or wife or both?
2. If you both work, how do you spend your incomes? Do you pool them together or both decide or each
partner spends his or her own? If either partner does not work, how do you ensure he/she gets money?
DO you give monthly support or you will rather expect your partner to ask?
3. Who pays home bills? Would you agree to a joint account with your partner? If you give away Money,
who decides where?
4. If you suddenly receive a financial miracle, what will you use it for? Write three (3) priority items.
Does this agree with your spouse? If not, how do you get ahead?

LESSON EIGHT
CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN MARRIAGE
Marriage is a call to servant-hood. We must stoop to conquer in love. God has not called us to bondage
(Gal. 5:13, I John. 4:18). Not succeeding in our family life can be a threat to our success in other area of
our lives.
We must cancel the “buts” in our marital destiny. We must be able to handle the differences in our social,
tribal, ethnic, and educational background differences.

We are greatly influenced by our backgrounds especially parental/family background. But we should not
be conformed to them and live according to those norms especially if they are not in line with God’s will.
The pattern for your marriage does not have to be how your parents run their own homes. You are starting
a new generation (Rom. 12:1-3, Ps. 22:30). We must develop a paradigm shift in our approach to issues of
life. We must work on our belief systems and fight traditions or conformed norms or status quos that do
not agreed with God’s word concerning marriage. We must discuss strengths and weaknesses, but God
expects that we should turn the weakness into source of strength. We must deal with the weakness as soon
as we identify them before we get into marriage. Issues of low self-esteem, hurts and rejections must be
addressed and dealt with.

Low Self-Esteem should be dealt with squarely, let your partner know about your family life history and
then receive all the required necessary encouragement, help, counselling and correction in love. Don’t
look for someone to cover up your own obvious weakness; it can lead to marital failure in the future. For
example, issues of anger, bitterness against parents, family members, resentments and all form of un-
forgiveness must and should be dealt with before marriage.

Rejection should also be dealt with. Allow the Lord to heal you by His love. He is our Balm of Gilead.
People suffer from rejection for different reasons e.g. broken homes, child abuse, family exposure and
background, which can create a lot of unresolved bitterness against family members, people, hurts, lack of

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self-confidence or sometimes, unnecessary insecurity, or aggressiveness. All this can reflect in our
attitudes and the atmosphere we carry around our lives, which sometimes are unnecessary cover-ups,
which must be dealt with before marriage. Ask yourself before you go into the relationship of marriage;
am I capable of loving my intended spouse without holding back? Am I able to submit myself totally with
being threatened? Do I see my spouse as a parasite or someone who can contribute or add value to my life?

The issue of rejection and low self-esteem can persist in our lives when we focus too much on human love.
Human love can disappoint. Your parent may have disappointed you by not loving you enough; your
friends may have deserted you when you needed them most but the truth is that, God loves you. You are
his child! You are the apple of His eyes and you have a destiny to fulfil in Him. Hear His heartbeat for
you, (Jer. 29:11, Is. 49:14-16; 60:15). You need to focus on God’s love. Be grounded in God’s love and
grace. Let His love cast out all your fears, anxieties, low self-esteem and rejections (I John. 4:18, Eph.
3:16-19, Gal. 3:13, Rom. 8:13).

In conflict resolution however, forgiveness is an act of our will that proceeds from the heart. It is a
commandment, which is not subject to human opinion (Matt. 6:14-15). The effectiveness of our prayer
hinges on forgiveness (I Pet 3:7). It is the acknowledgement of our own imperfections knowing that only
Jesus Christ lived a sinless life here on the earth (Heb. 12:2) will help us relate with our spouse and others
with faith and tenderness of heart. We must always strive for love and understanding in our relationship
with our spouse, so that we can grow in love, adapting ourselves to one another and then the two can
become one over a process of time in the marriage relationship.

ALWAYS REMEMBER
a. Offences will surely come.
b. God has giving us grace to love people (Rom. 5:5).
c. Hurts may come close but we can always adopt the principle “forgive and forget.”

YOU MUST LEARN HOW TO FORGIVE AND FORGET – this is a principle employed in conflict
resolution.

STEPS TO CONFLICT RESOLUTION:

 Nip the source of conflicts or differences in bud (Eph. 4:26-27).
 Remember the good things and good side about people (Col. 3:12-17, Eph. 4:29-32).
 Study peoples temperaments before you misinterpret them (Col. 3:13, Eph. 4:23)

Note: for conflict resolution in effective communication meditate on Matt. 12:34-37, Col. 4:6, Eph. 4:29-
32, Eph. 5:18-19, Titus 3:1-2).

ASSIGNMENT
a. Write down things you don’t presently understand about your spouse.

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 b. Consider the following hindrances in communication:
i. His/Her tone of voice is too harsh, loud and critical.
ii. He/She says I’m too busy to talk.
iii. He/She always dominates our conversation.
iv. His/Her sudden silence sometimes turns me off.
v. Sometimes he/she makes me feel like I’m dumb or stupid.
vi. My partner give all the answers and there is nothing for me to say.
vii. He/She is not interested in what I have to say.
viii. Our conversation always result in arguments.
ix. She/He says I preach when I talk.
x. He/She says I nag him/her to submission.
How applicable are these in your relationship? Do you need to make adjustment? Please do it now.

LESSON NINE
WINNING IN MARRIAGE
INTRODUCTION
There are unique differences between a man and a woman. We must not focus on what we will get in
marriage, but on what God will empower us to give. We must constantly seek to add value to our spouse
because that is where we get our own fulfilments (Acts 20:35). Winning in marriage is not achieved
overnight (Prov. 4:18). It starts with a proper prayerful selection of a potential male who over time
becomes the ideal male, of our dreams. We all have to go through God’s refining processes. Our altitude
in marriage should not be “know it all.” We must develop and cultivate a teachable spirit as we enter the
institution of marriage. We will always get what we want in life, if we help our spouses get what they
want (Eccl. 4:9). We must be out to give to our spouse in our daily living. We must be a goal-giver and
not a goal-getter.

THE NEED OF A WOMAN

We all have what is called an emotional bank account, which we all draw from in marriage. We must
make deposits on daily basis, so that our “cheques” do not bounce when we present it to our spouse!
1. A HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM

Show your wife she is your treasure. Cherish and honour her. Give her the first place in your life after
God. Place a high value on her and prefer her over and above others – your friends and family
members. Give her time and attention; not reacting to her words, but focussing on her good intensions.
Show love and care. Praise and compliment her. Believe in her. Call her what you want her to be.
Build her self-esteem. Don’t criticize her in the public. Don’t criticise her feminine qualities (I Peter
3:7, Eph. 5:28-29, Matt. 6:21).

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2. COMPANIONSHIP

Spend time to nurture and cultivate your intimacy with your wife. Take her advice. Ask what she
thinks about goals, aspirations, and her careers. If you don’t want your wife gossiping or talking to the
devil, then sit down and talk to her
3. AFFECTION

Start your day with a hug, a touch, and a kiss. Love making to a woman is more than sex. Sex is just
the event. You must respond to the needs of tour wife. Say kind words to her every time and not just
when you want to make love.

4. PROTECTION

You must protect your wife physically, emotionally, financially, and socially. Do not hurt your wife.
Be open about your finances. It is not appropriate that the woman should be the one feeding the family.
Your major motivation for financial prosperity should be your family.
5. ROMANCE

Do not be emotionally cold towards your wife. Put fun in your marriage. Separate your work from
your private life with your family. Be creative. Making room for romance will keep the one you love,
the true love tour life. Romance will not fade, and the flame of your marriage will not grow dim, if
you regularly invest small acts of tenderness and consideration

THE NEED OF MAN

You must note that your husband has more authority over you, (delegated authority from God) than your
pastor and bosses.
1. RESPECT

When you submit to your husband, understand that you are submitting to God. Do not argue with
him in the public. Take time to admire him. Be his number one cheerleader. Nurse his esteem (man
ego). Respect him. This makes tremendous impact (Eph. 5:21-24, I Peter 3:1-7). Do not contest his
instructions or argue with him. There must be mutual respect (Eph. 5:21) for both parties, but the
final say lies with the man.
2. SEX

Do not underestimate his needs for sex. Be your husband’s mistress. Be his woman, be the only
woman in his life. Arrest your husband’s attention with your appearance. Look your best for him.
Dress to kill. Dress like his queen in your home (Palace) (Prov. 6:24, 7:10, 16-18)
3. ENCOURAGEMENT

Encourage your husband; he needs someone to confide in. Boost his self-esteem. Encourage him to
solve the problems that face your home. Do not run down his ideas. Do not nag and get critical

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 about issues. Do not follow him into negative moods. Correct wisely and gently. Meekness is
power under control.
“For a blissful marital life, think more of what you can do for your partner than what partner can do for
you.”

LESSON TEN
EXPRESSING LOVE IN MARRIAGE
Love is God is at work in us. This experience is perceivable and can be demonstrated (Rom. 5:5). It is not
something to be hidden in the heart within the context of marriage. It should be expressed practically (I
John 3:16-18, I John 4:18). Love involves and is sometimes sacrificial in nature. It must reflect in our
daily commitment and relationship with our spouse in marriage. We must cultivate and nurture our
relationships for a life of fulfilment in marriage. This means we need full knowledge of our different
responsibilities (Eph. 5:21-26, I Pet.3:7). You must not only know your spouse, but also honour them
accordingly.

There are levels of knowledge we must be familiar with before we get into marriage:
 Who God is (His principles about marriage – Prov. 19:2, Hosea 4:6, Heb 3:4).
 Who the devil is (II Cor. 2:11, Gen. 3:1, John. 8:32).
 Who your spouse is (I Pet. 3:7).

WE MUST ALSO KNOW AND UNDERSTAND THE FOLLOWING

1. Unique differences between a man and a woman i.e. men are physical in their expression while
women are motivated by emotions. They are word driven. Men are logical in their thinking and
approach to life while women are intuitive in nature. We must be familiar with our physiological
differences. Women need companionship, romance, affection and a healthy self-esteem. Men on the
other hand have the need for respect, sex, and encouragement.
2. Communication: we must learn how to relate with one another within the home. We must develop
our communication language skills i.e. in any marriage relationship, conflicts provide for maturity,
growth, and development. You must be able to resolve all conflict in your relationship. Offences can
be used to build your relationship if you handle them positively; it will strengthen your relationship
and help you to become more mature as husband and wife. Commitment in marriage therefore,
demands that you forgive your spouse. Forgiveness is not just a feeling. It is not just forgetting an
issue, neither is it pretending nor demanding that the other party should change before you forgive
(Col. 3:12-15). Forgiveness is unconditional. Love is unconditional

PRACTICAL TIPS ON EXPRESSION OF LOVE IN MARRIAGE:

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The image of a wife outside is an extension of the love and affection of her husband in her heart. In
everything you do, always realize your actions are a reflection of who you are on you inside (Prov. 23:7).
To keep the “fire burning” in your marriage, you must carefully consider the following as a useful tool in
your relationship:
1. The thoughts and values attached to gifts you give to your spouse.
2. Your expression in words, which is a reflection of your thoughts (Matt. 12:34)
3. You deliberate celebration of your spouse in moments of promotions and in other moods
4. Your ability to spring up occasional surprises from time to time.
5. Being in your spouse’s world – writing poems, your thoughts, and cards.
6. Ability to respond positively in love – i.e. in the use of words like thank you, I’m sorry, please…
7. Giving helping hand in domestic work as deemed fit.
8. Public demonstration of affection and love to your spouse i.e. kissing and cuddling.
9. Open communication without fear of being rejected – opinions and fears.
10. Giving “peace offerings” – buying of occasional gift.

Your spouse is your best friend (Prov. 18:24). You must endeavour to cultivate and nurture your
friendship to the point where you build the intimacy – (Col. 3:13-14) in your marriage. making love to
your wife is not the only way of expressing love in marriage.

ASSIGNMENT
1. Based on your present level of interaction, when your spouse wrongs you, will you still be
willing to buy him/her a gift?
2. What do you understand by conflict resolution?

LESSON ELEVEN
SEX
INTRODUCTION
Sex is legal, spiritual, natural, desirable, healthy, and proper within the context of marriage. We are sexual
beings and we must not pretend, deny, or reject this fact. God created us, male and female with sexual
instincts (Gen 1:2, Isaiah 34:1) but just like every other things God created, He put the boundary within
the marriage institution (Heb 13:4). Sexual act is performed face to face which speaks about love, trust,
openness, honesty, and faithfulness.

Sex is intended and suited for marriage. Sex is good, pure, glorious and Holy. Sex is designed to enhance
the marriage relationship and to bring fulfilment to husband and wife as a means of knowing one another
(Gen 4:1). It produces a bonding in marriage – one flesh (Gen 2:24-25). It adds to the joy in marriage even
though marriage is not based on it. It cannot be used as a foundation, by indulging in it before marriage –

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this is fornication, and outside marriage, it is adultery. Outside God’s order of marriage union, it
doesn’t give fulfilment, but momentary pleasure, which has a negative effect on the marriage (one of
the basis of trust is being tampered with) (Prov. 5: 15-23), (I Cor. 7:1-5, I Cor. 6:16-20). Sex does not give
fulfilment in life because it is still a temporary thing or experience (John 4:10-18), (Eccl 12:13). The real
source of fulfilment in life is found in our relationship and peace with God.

Sex is directly related to courting a blood covenant with another person. In virgins, when the hymen is
broken, there is shedding of blood. The shedding of blood as it flows over a man’s penis is a sign before
God that the man and the woman have entered into a sacred blood covenant relationship. Sex is more than
a physical act. It is the creation of an emotion and spiritual bond. Sex before marriage is an aberration, an
abuse. It is not a yardstick to measure your compatibility or ability to bring forth children. Jesus our model
had passion, He was an emotional being, yet He did not engage in sexual activity (John 2:15-17, John
11:35, Heb 4:15.) He had friends that were women (Luke 8:1-3). Don’t put the blame on women for your
lust. Sexual and adulterous cravings are from Satan (James 1:13-16). We need to be committed to God to
avoid it e.g. Joseph (Gen. 39:7-19), Esau (Heb. 12:14-17), Daniel (Dan 1:8). Have a determination in your
heart not to be defiled with sexual thoughts, lust and sinful cravings (Romans 12:2, Prov 5:8-9, 5:15-19,
6:23-33, 7:6-27). Sexual sin can be forgiven, if you have indulged in it before now (1 Cor. 6:11, Heb 8:12).
God forgives, cleanses, and heals. You don’t have to stay in the mud. Ask God to cleanse and heal you of
harmful memories of sexual sins (II Cor. 5:17)

SEX AND SINGLE LIFE

Fornication as a habit, forms a stronghold and needs to be broken (Gal 3:13-14, II Cor. 10:3-6). Staying
pure in your mind is your responsibility. Bringing your body under control is your responsibility (Romans
12:2, Matt 5:28, I Cor. 9:27). Do not go strictly by your feelings – II Sam. 13:1-7. Avoid petting and
unnecessary sexual desires. Sex appeal or compatibility alone is the poorest basis in the world for a happy
marriage. Know your own limits and don’t tempt yourself by “testing before use”. Be accountable to God
and your spouse. Inordinate affections will lead you into sin. Marriage is all about commitment.

HOW FAR CAN I GO DURING COURTSHIP?

Kissing, necking and petting are the first phase in the act of sex. Don’t hurt yourself by indulging in this
secret act before marriage. It can result in frigidity later in marriage – if you always stop midway before
the act of prior to marriage (Prov. 16:25, 13:3, 21:20, 9:17, 20:7). Don’t allow the devil to put you on a
guilt trip. Approach marriage as an emotional and spiritual whole person and keep your mind pure whilst
you are unmarried. If you can’t control yourself when you are single, it is not likely you will when you are
married. Married couples are still faced with sexual temptations.

STEPS TO OVERCOME ILLICIT SEXUAL DESIRES

Every sin is the fruit of a tree that has a long root system. Confession and repentance signals the beginning
of change, but there is often a long road ahead to deal with the root of problems. You must engage in
conscious efforts depending on God’s grace (Job 31:1, II Cor. 12:9). The following will help you in your
practical actions:

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 a) Be a murderer of negative sexual thoughts! Guard your thoughts. Take time to cultivate your inner
life. (Gen.3:1, Phil. 4:8).
b) Be spiritually sensitive to things that are not of God. Anticipate and prevent sexual temptation
(Gen 39:9, Titus 1:15).
c) Be careful about your association. Cultivate and guard your marriage. (I Cor. 15:33, Prov 13:20, Ps
1:2).
d) Flee fornication and all suggestive acts that can lead to sex. Discern the subtle signs of attractions.
(I Cor 6:15-20, II Tim 2:22, I Thess. 5:22).
e) Don’t institutionalise your courtship. Be honest with your spouse. Be quick to confess and repent.
In GHC, a minimum of 6 months and maximum of 3 years is recommended for the duration of
healthy courtship.

HOW TO HANDLE SEXUAL PRESSURE

You must face up to your own weakness and ask God to give you strength to walk away from sexual
temptations. Arm yourself with God’s Word. You can be free when you do what the Bible says (James
4:7-8, Eph. 6:17, I Cor. 7:8). Choose to think about something else. Don’t dwell on the fact that you must
have sexual relationship. Ask God to help you stay pure sexually. It is better to marry than to burn and be
overwhelmed with passion. Keep yourself pure as you prepare and work towards marriage. Set your
wedding date, look ahead, and tell yourself you will wait for a wonderful honeymoon. If you really love
yourselves, you will wait. Frustration and guilt follows sex before marriage. Delay in child bearing may
sometimes torment your mind because of the past sexual escapades (Heb. 13:4). Marriage is not based on
tradition. There is nothing like “test before use” in marriage, but there is “warranty” God guaranteed if
you will wait.

ASSIGNMENT:
a) What do you think about sex before marriage?
b) Do you feel tempted? If yes, how have you been able to cope?

LESSON TWELVE
PREPARATION FOR WEDDING
Preparation is the hallmark of greatness in life. “Every enterprise including marriage is build by wise
planning, it becomes strong through common sense, and it becomes strong by keeping abreast of the facts”
(Prov. 24:3-4 Amplified Version, II Chron. 27:6). We go to school, to prepare for our various vocations
and professions, but little emphasis is placed on preparation for marriage. We can therefore not

25
compromise the need for preparation in marriage. We must be prepared spiritually, emotionally,
physically, financially, and socially.

Firstly, there must be parental consent of your relationship. Your parents must give their consent before
the fixing of your wedding date, (where this is not the case, the face of the Lord must be sought for favour)
(Gen. 24:23-31). You must ask your parents about the traditional engagements and wedding procedures
(Gen. 24:10, 50-61) because of the importance of parental blessing in marriage (Eph. 6:2-3). Dowry may
be in cash or kind (Gen. 29:15-22, Gen. 34:11-12, I Sam 18:20-25). You can beat traditional requirements
down with prayers and tact.
You need funds to meet customary requirements in form of dowry and bride price. Moderation is
encouraged in the wedding procedures to avoid unnecessary expenses and debts after the ceremony. Your
focus must be on building a home and not expending money on the ceremony. Management is necessary
about your financial capacity with your parents, in-laws and dependants and then your capacity and
financial involvement in the ceremony so that you can adequately budget with your resources.

Secondly, there must be adequate planning (Luke 14:28-30), the basic needs must be in place. A good and
conducive accommodation, equipped with basic amenities. A registry wedding demand notice of twenty-
one (21) working days. It can either be formal or informal ceremony after which a photocopy of the
certificate must be forwarded to the marriage committee. Don’t spend all your money on the wedding
ceremony. You can’t afford to impress people in your spending pattern and then back afterwards.
The Senior Pastor requires three (3) months notice at least before the wedding is approved (for the
weddings holding in G.H.C). The Church ceremony must be discussed with the Pastor-in-charge of
marriages. Rehearsal will be conducted days prior to the wedding ceremony. Information must be given to
all the officiating ministers, the chairman, the master of ceremony, best man and the bridal train for
adequate preparations. Church ceremony and reception must be done to glorify God (I Cor. 10:31-33).
Don’t offend people, relatives and friends by the things you do. There must be resource management.
Your wedding day must be joyful. You exhume the joy of the Lord in your heart. Don’t borrow (Prov.
22:7); pray in faith, but plan with thoughtfulness. Be modest in your dressing.
Thirdly, a choice place must be chosen for the honeymoon (Duet. 24:5). Marriage is a beautiful thing and
must be enjoyed and not endured. Books and materials that will enhance your understanding of the
experience, especially in the area of sex, must be chosen. Your supervising counsellor can recommend
books for you. Don’t be too spiritual about the way you perceive or believe sex should be. You may be
wrong after all.

Fourthly, develop and cultivate mentoring relationships in your marriage. Emulate proven marriages that
have worked and are still working. Also, discuss about your dependants, if any. Watch the person(s) who
live with you. You should not overstretch yourselves over any dependant, even though you should help
your extended families. Be wise and be prayerful. If you must accommodate anyone, you must set
standards for your home that every occupant must adhere strictly to.

PRACTICAL STEPS ON YOUR PREPARATION

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 1. Refuse to build your life and future on your pasts. Yesterday is history; today is for preparation;
tomorrow is a clean slate (Jer. 29:11-13, Isa 41:18, Phil. 3:9-10).

2. Be mindful of your marital destiny in God (Jer. 29:11, I Cor. 2:9, Josh. 24; 15, Phil. 4:13, I Cor.
15:33).

3. Be courageous as you lay hold on God’s promises concerning marriage. (Josh. 1:5, Hab. 3:15-17).

4. Be diligent in your business as you lay hold on your marital destiny in God (Gal. 6:7, Prov. 12:24,
18:21-22).

5. Determine your location – where you will reside, job and church (Gen. 26:12-13, Psalm 92:12-14).

6. Have a submissive attitude and keep your heart yielded to God in all things and in all your
decisions as you adjust to the experience of a new life in marriage institution (Job 22:21-25, Psalm
37:5)

PRACTICAL ASSIGNMENT – Please be real.

a) Are you spiritually ready for marriage?

b) Are you walking in the perfect will of God concerning your marital destiny?

c) Are you confident that your wedding will be a true symbol of the wedding between Christ and
Church? Then read and summaries Genesis 24.

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