Silent Agreements: What We Don’t Say at the Workplace
Linda Anderson
❏ Substance abuse: Embedded with silent
A side from our family and intimate rela-
tionships, there is probably no other
aspect of our lives as fraught with silent
agreements, a specter that haunts all levels
of the organization, from the locker room
agreements as our work relationships. Silent to the boardroom.
agreements are the assumptions and unspoken ❏ Unhealthy competition: Silent agreements to
expectations we carry within ourselves, often win at any cost, meaning the ends justify
without our being aware of them. These the means, despite best performance.
silent agreements underlay all our workplace ❏ Workplace romances: When our silent
activities and can be the impetus for our suc- agreements weave a web we cannot extri-
cess. Unfortunately, they can also become cate ourselves from, no matter what.
problematic when we assume the people ❏ Performance appraisals: Yardsticks that can
with whom we are interacting recognize and become whips in inexperienced hands.
accept what it is that we believe to be true. ❏ Hiring selection and unconscious bias: The
The silent agreements we each make with silent agreement to hire only people like
ourselves sometimes come into conflict. ourselves.
Essentially workplace landmines, these mis-
communications can have an explosive effect SILENT AGREEMENTS IN CONFLICT
on the organization’s bottom line, whether
the conflict is between employees and their How often do supervisors have nagging
supervisors or among coworkers. thoughts like, “Why aren’t you contribut-
ing more to the bottom line?” Or an over-
WHAT ARE SOME OF THESE WORKPLACE worked employee might be thinking, “Why
LANDMINES? does all the work fall on our team’s shoul-
ders when we didn’t create the problem
Small maladies in the workplace can be in the first place?” These internal conver-
topics we ignore, minimize, or deny at first sations are going on all around us as well
but that grow into long-term problems. For as within us, as we prepare for a meeting,
example: text during the meeting, and resume work
after the meeting. Silent agreements can
❏ Burnout: A silent agreement that carries dominate our e-mails, too, if we use them
the collateral costs associated with getting as a vehicle to exchange our suspicions and
things done at too high a price. accusations.
❏ Breaches in confidentiality: A scale that tips Let’s look at some ways these silent
both ways, whether people are whistle- agreements cause problems in the work-
blowers or use gossip as a weapon. place.
© 2015 Wiley Periodicals, Inc. 23
Published online in Wiley Online Library ([Link]). DOI 10.1002/ert.21484
Employment Relations Today
Two Types of Insecurity Rather than acknowledge that each wants
what is best for the team, they both remain
Jennifer and her new supervisor, Bob, are stuck in their silent agreements, where their
not getting along. During the last depart- senses of personal insecurity work to their
ment meeting, Bob admonished Jennifer mutual disadvantage. Jennifer doesn’t get the
for her recent lateness—in front of every- support she needs to succeed, and Bob fails
one. Jennifer is a single mother with a long to devise an option that allows for flexibility.
commute. Her last supervisor was flexible
and understanding; as long as Jennifer com- Unconscious Bias and Resistance to Change
pleted her work, her lateness was not an
issue. Also, Jennifer is secretly competitive While transformative change is often a pri-
and wants to get ahead, but with her mild mary directive for organizations, there is
demeanor and the transportation challenges, often an unspoken assumption that things
she does not give the impression that she will in fact remain the same. The phrase
wants to move up the ladder. So Bob’s pub- “it’s the way we have always done it” gets
lic admonishment about her lateness makes bantered around, as if it carried the power
her furious. After the meeting, Jennifer to heal whatever may be ailing the company.
sends an e-mail to all of the meeting par- This type of thinking is a silent agreement
ticipants, criticizing Bob for inappropriately among many in the company that impedes
reprimanding her. overall growth. The competitive and often
Jennifer feels incapable of negotiating her political nature of the workplace makes it
work schedule with this more demanding harder to uncover the silent agreements that
boss. She also has a silent agreement with exist in unchallenged work patterns. They
herself to hide her own ambition from oth- are often nestled deep within the values and
ers, for fear it will make her seem threat- culture of the organization. Any attempt to
ening. So she was very upset by her boss’s uncover or dismantle them has consequences.
public admonishment, which she felt made
her seem uncaring about her work. Unfortu- The competitive and often political nature of the
nately, she reacted angrily through her e-mail workplace makes it harder to uncover the silent
blast instead of facing her boss and acknowl- agreements that exist in unchallenged work
edging how important it was to her to be suc- patterns.
cessful and move forward.
Meanwhile, Bob’s behavior reflects his Silent agreements are perhaps most harm-
silent agreement to prove that he is a uni- ful when they take the form of hiring bias.
laterally fair and competent supervisor who We live in a country that promises if you
takes charge and tolerates no nonsense. work hard, you will succeed, and even if you
Inwardly, he is afraid that he will not be able start at the bottom, you can work your way
to build a team that works well together and up to the top. Yet the reality is that there are
supports his efforts if he allows “flexibility silent agreements, or biases, that keep this
and understanding.” He is particularly anx- from happening. The ability to recognize and
ious about Jennifer because she was known admit these unconscious biases is essential
to be the previous supervisor’s favorite. to having a healthy, successful organization.
24 Linda Anderson
Employment Relations Today DOI 10.1002/ert
Spring 2015
That success ultimately rests on hiring the finds acceptable. Often, performance evalua-
best talent, even if it challenges the tra- tions are tied to merit raises, so the stakes are
ditional notions and cultural stereotypes, high for both evaluator and employee.
because it invites the opportunity to process The company assumes that the perceptions
multiple perspectives. Being aware of the of the supervisor are accurate and objective.
impact and possible barriers these biases may The supervisor’s silent agreements, which
represent in personnel decisions creates a come into play well before assessment com-
culture of authentic opportunity where open mences, are his or her view of an employee’s
dialogue replaces silent agreements. “value worthiness.” That perception prevails
Most of us don’t like to think of ourselves regardless of what the employee may feel
as being biased, yet we are often reluctant to about his or her worth to the company.
challenge the hiring traditions in our work-
places. Often, we erroneously believe our The performance evaluation and the silent
silent agreements are accepted by others, agreement exist side by side. One dictates the
assuming we all share the same understand- trajectory of the employee at the company, and
ing or meaning of an unspoken expectation. the other determines his or her self-worth as the
Take, for example, the company president employee sees it.
who recognizes there are no women in
upper-management positions and who has The performance evaluation and the silent
made a silent agreement with himself to agreement exist side by side. One dictates the
change that dynamic. Unfortunately, he has trajectory of the employee at the company,
not communicated that goal to the rest of his and the other determines his or her self-
team, believing that their perception aligns worth as the employee sees it. Words mat-
with his, only to discover later that they are ter especially here. Often, newly promoted
undermining his requests to create a more supervisors are not taught the tacit implica-
globally invested unit. He asks, “How else are tions or subtle differences that a good choice
we to bring about change?” Forward think- of words can make; the initiate may not be
ing does not have progressive results if it is familiar with or equipped to handle the psy-
not shared with those who are accountable, chological impact of a seemingly lackluster
receptive, and responsible for achieving it, as evaluation or what certain negative nuances
well as with those who it will ultimately be may suggest. Often, the two perceptions sup-
affected by the change. port one another, but when they don’t align,
that can fuel resentment for all and disciplin-
Perception or Reality in Performance ary action in some cases.
Evaluations
Will the Real Employee Please Stand Up?
It is an understatement to say that work
appraisals are two-edged swords: they Brad has an off-site online persona that puts
attempt to gauge the value of an employee the company at risk because of his seemingly
to the organization while offering prescrip- risqué and inappropriate posts. He feels what
tive solutions for improvement, all within the he does on his own time is no one else’s
parameters of what the company needs and business, and his silent agreement is that
Silent Agreements: What We Don’t Say at the Workplace 25
Employment Relations Today DOI 10.1002/ert
Employment Relations Today
others agree. Even though Brad is not using Unfortunately, her silent agreement to
the company’s equipment or time to engage achieve success is an ever-widening road
in his fantasies, he does contact coworkers toward diminished returns. In essence, she
to describe his cyber exploits and flaunt his is coauthoring a silent agreement that can
online alter ego. Those coworkers begin to ruin her life, as both parties simply ignore
question Brad’s motivations and speculate or belittle the long-term effects of burnout—
why he has this need to be someone else the fatigue or insomnia, possible substance
outside of work. On the other hand, Brad is abuse, heart disease, or even clinical depres-
proud of his skill and cunning in keeping his sion. The organization’s denial serves a dual
“followers” interested in his activities, and he purpose: it promotes the belief that extraor-
has built quite a reputation in that domain. dinary performance can be sustained over a
The dilemma begins when the coworkers long period without negative consequences,
start to feel uncomfortable about working and it prolongs the benefits derived from the
with Brad and report their feelings to his exceptional employee. In essence, the com-
supervisor. It’s then that Brad’s silent agree- pany really is devaluing the employee by lim-
ment starts to unravel. iting its perception of her value. The result?
This type of silent agreement is sure to Burnout, with the comment, “We could all
undermine us when we have not understood see this coming,” heard in the corridor chat-
the cultural and legal context of the work- ter outside the conference room.
place. It takes emotional maturity to recog- Burnout thrives in the domain of having
nize that what we believe is truly important to get everything done perfectly and on time.
or acceptable may not always be what others We are told that this is essential for corporate
approve of or perceive as important, particu- success. And it often is the employee who
larly at work. most embodies that mind-set, with silent
agreements like, “You can rest when you
Self-Care and Burnout have exceeded your goals and accomplished
your dreams.” It’s a feeling similar to the con-
When we are committed to the trappings of flicting emotions surrounding a promotion,
success at any cost, or when our work starts marked by equal amounts of exhilaration and
to become the most essential part of our life, apprehension. But silent agreements like this
our silent agreements are undermining us. foster burnout, which is destructive for the
Take Robin, for example. Her silent agree- person, his or her family, and the company.
ment evolved out of management’s silently
endorsing her working late into the night CHANGING THE WORKPLACE
without compensation, and her always being CONVERSATION
available despite the fact that she has a fam-
ily with children. The company is willing to When we are engaged in problem solving
turn a blind eye because she is so productive, at work, we often respond or behave as if
often encouraging the behavior with praise, our belief is the only correct one; we don’t
awards, or special perks. Her supervisor was fully understand or reflect on the process
once heard saying, “She basically does the with others whose opinions we hold in high
work of three men and never complains.” regard. That is, we are thinking one way
26 Linda Anderson
Employment Relations Today DOI 10.1002/ert
Spring 2015
about a situation, and we don’t take the time in an organization will take into cultural con-
to explore alternative perspectives. Our silent sideration the varying degrees of tension that
agreements hold sway in our decisions and will naturally result from addressing silent
actions. agreements that affect the quality of life.
Open discussion is a natural and expected
A blueprint for real change in an organization outgrowth of engaged communication.
will take into cultural consideration the varying It is key to acknowledge the role that
degrees of tension that will naturally result from silent agreements play in thwarting work-
addressing silent agreements that affect the place change, such as those present in uncon-
quality of life. scious bias in hiring, insensitive performance
evaluation, subtle (and sometimes not so
If we want something to change, however, subtle) online and offline discourse that
we have to put it out there for input from affects the workplace culture, and productiv-
others. Ultimately, it’s how we communicate ity pressures that spur employee burnout.
sensitive topics that makes the critical differ- Organizations can find success by fostering
ence. Our communications need to be clear changes to individuals’ silent agreements,
and not representative of a single, silently thereby preventing the long-term, complex
held perspective. A blueprint for real change problems these agreements can cause.
Linda Anderson, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist with private practices
and a consulting agency, Sessions: Innovations in Psychology. Formerly, she was
the compliance and diversity officer (formerly Affirmative Action officer) at Hostos
Community College, City University of New York, for seven years, working closely with
HR as well as the Labor Designee Office. She also served as a consulting psychologist
in program evaluation. She may be contacted at [Link] and on
Twitter@agreements101.
Silent Agreements: What We Don’t Say at the Workplace 27
Employment Relations Today DOI 10.1002/ert
