✅ Final Corrected Version
(B2+)
We should do everything we can to save animals which are in danger of
disappearing from our planet. Do you agree?
Nowadays, the number of endangered species is increasing significantly due to
various human activities. I strongly agree that we should try our best to protect these
animals and prevent them from disappearing from the planet.
The extinction of many species has become a global concern because of the harmful
actions caused by humans. Many animals are faced with the threat of disappearance,
such as elephants, hippos, and pandas. Not only these wildlife species but also many
marine animals, such as whales and turtles, are at risk.
There are several reasons for protecting endangered species. Firstly, they play a
crucial role in balancing the ecosystem. If one of them disappears, it can cause many
negative effects. Another important reason is that they play a vital role in contributing
to tourism and education. Many people enjoy going to national parks and zoos to see
rare animals. This can raise people’s awareness of the importance of protecting these
animals. Without them, we will not only lose a source of entertainment but also an
effective way to educate people about nature.
Besides environmental and educational reasons, the activity of protecting endangered
species also shows the responsibility of humans. The main reason why many animals
become extinct is due to human activities such as hunting, cutting down trees, or
burning forests. Therefore, we should take responsibility to fix that problem.
Moreover, the way we treat animals reflects who we are. If we continue to ignore
them, it shows a lack of care and responsibility. But if we help them, it proves that we
are kind, responsible, and respectful.
To conclude, I firmly believe that we should do everything we can to save endangered
species, no matter how small the effort. Every action we take to protect them can
make a difference in ensuring a better and safer world for both animals and humans.
📊 Estimated Score (B2):
Content: 5/5
Communicative Achievement: 4/5
Organisation: 4/5
Language: 4/5
👉 Overall: 17/20 (Strong B2, close to C1)
Introduction
❌ “the number of endangered species is increasing significantly due to various
human’s activities”
✅ “the number of endangered species is increasing significantly due to various
human activities”
❌ “prevent them from disappearing from our planet”
✅ “prevent them from disappearing from the planet”
Body 1
❌ “disapperance”
✅ “disappearance”
❌ “not only these wildlife species, but also many marine animals, like whales ,
turtles,...”
✅ “not only these wildlife species but also many marine animals, such as whales
and turtles.”
Body 2
❌ “Firstly , they play a crucial role in balancing the ecosystem if one of them
disappears , it can cause many negative effects.”
✅ “Firstly, they play a crucial role in balancing the ecosystem. If one of them
disappears, it can cause many negative effects.”
❌ “One important reason is they have a vital part in contributing to tourism (places)
and education.”
✅ “Another important reason is that they play a vital role in contributing to
tourism and education.”
Body 3
❌ “This can k raise people’s awarness”
✅ “This can raise people’s awareness”
❌ “Without these them, we will not only lose a source of entertainment , but also an
effective way to educate about nature.”
✅ “Without them, we will not only lose a source of entertainment but also an
effective way to educate people about nature.”
Body 4
❌ “also reflects the responsibility of humans”
✅ “also shows the responsibility of humans”
❌ “such as hunting , cutting trees or burning forests”
✅ “such as hunting, cutting down trees, or burning forests”
❌ “we have to have a duty to fix that problem”
✅ “we should take responsibility to fix that problem”
❌ “reflect who we are. If we continue ignore them it shows a lack of caring and
irresponsible”
✅ “reflect who we are. If we continue to ignore them, it shows a lack of care and
responsibility”
Conclusion
❌ “belive”
✅ “believe”
❌ “save endangered sp animals”
✅ “save endangered species”
❌ “a better and safer X world”
✅ “a better and safer world”
