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Looking Out Looking In 13th Edition Ronald B. Adler
Digital Instant Download
Author(s): Ronald B. Adler, Russell F. Proctor II
ISBN(s): 9780495796213, 0495796212
Edition: 13
File Details: PDF, 11.22 MB
Year: 2010
Language: english
Access the study tools you need to succeed
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QUICK REFERENCE GUIDE

READINGS Todd Epaloose: A Native American Perspective on

Emotional Expression 127
The Silencing 4
Zarina Kolah: Training Non-Native Customer
Social Networking, Survival, and Healing 19 Service Reps 188
Cipher in the Snow 50 Annie Donnellon: Blindness and Nonverbal
Alter Egos in a Virtual World 71 Cues 219
Simulating Age 85 94 Bonnie Motsch: Learning to Listen in Prison 241
I’m Not Who You Think I Am 104 Matt DeLanoy: Stuttering and Relationship
Building 278
My First Flame 133
Lexie Lopez-Mayo: Culture, Gender, and Self-
The Many Meanings of “I Love You” 163 Disclosure 313
On Naming Baby 171 Abdel Jalil Elayyadi: Promoting Understanding
Bitching It Out (Out with Bitching) 175 after 9/11 354
Computer Program Detects Author Gender 184 Marilynn Jorgensen: Conflict and Cultural Style 397
Language and Heritage 191
Proposed Smirking Ban Raises Eyebrows 203
IN REAL LIFE TRANSCRIPTS
Perception Checking in Everyday Life 106
Safeway Clerks Object to “Service with a Smile”
Policy 208 The Pillow Method in Action 114
Guidelines for Emotional Expression 140
Proceed with Caution if Using Hand Signals 209
Rational Thinking in Action 153
The Look of a Victim 218
“I” and “You” Language on the Job 180
The Way You Talk Can Hurt You? 222
Recognizing Nonverbal Cues 215
Meetings Going “Topless” 248
Paraphrasing on the Job 252
Let Mourners Grieve 257
Content and Relational Messages 297
They Aid Customers by Becoming Good Appropriate and Inappropriate Self-Disclosure 324
Listeners 262
The Assertive Message Format 361
A Geek Love Story 274
Responding Nondefensively to Criticism 368
Technology and Indian Marriage: A Match Made in
Win-Win Problem Solving 404
Heaven 288
Friends With Benefits, and Stress Too 306
ETHICAL CHALLENGES
Lonely Gay Teen Seeking Same 311 Martin Buber’s I and Thou 23
Secret Website Gets a Million Hits a Week 319 Are We Our Brother’s Keeper? Moral Rules
Is Misleading Your Spouse Fraud or Tact? 329 Theory 63
How to Argue Effectively 353 Empathy and the Golden Rule 111
Aristotle’s Golden Mean 139
LOOKING AT DIVERSITY PROFILES Unconditional Positive Regard 263
Daria Muse: Competent Communication in Must We Always Tell the Truth? 332
Suburbia and the Inner City 28 Nonviolence: A Legacy of Principled
Kim Dugan: Multiple Identities 67 Effectiveness 366
Christa Kilvington: Socioeconomic Stereotyping 88 Dirty Fighting with Crazymakers 386
INVITATIONS TO INSIGHT Self-Disclosure Test for Couples 316

Comparing and Contrasting Communication Building a Johari Window 317

Models 13 PostSecret 320
How Networked Are You? 20 Evaluating Communication Climates 347
How Personal Are Your Relationships? 24 How Critical Are You? 355
Assessing Your Communication Skills 26 Defensiveness Feedback 356
Take Away 41 Your Conflict Style 390
Your Self-Esteem 43 Understanding Conflict Styles 392
Your Personality Profile 45 Your Conflict Rituals 394
“Ego Boosters” and “Ego Busters” 46
Recognizing Your Strengths 52 SKILL BUILDERS
Your Many Identities 66 Stages in Learning Communication Skills 30
Self-Monitoring Inventory 69 Check Your Competence 31
Your Perceptual Filters 85 Reevaluating Your “Can’ts” 62
Exploring Your Biases 88 Punctuation Practice 90
New Body, New Perspective 95 Perception Checking Practice 108
Role Reversal 99 Pillow Talk 112
Recognizing Your Emotions 125 Feelings and Phrases 138
Measuring Your EQ 131 Rational Thinking 154
Expanding Your Emotional Vocabulary 136 Down-to-Earth Language 166
Talking to Yourself 144 Practicing “I” Language 182
How Irrational Are You? 150 Paraphrasing Practice 254
Avoiding Troublesome Language 165 Appropriate Self-Disclosure 323
Your Linguistic Rules 169 Behaviors and Interpretations 357
Conjugating “Irregular Verbs” 176 Name the Feeling 358
Exploring Gender Differences in Putting Your Message Together 362
Communication 187 Coping with Criticism 371
High- and Low-Context Communication 190
Reading “Body Language” 209 ON THE JOB BOXES
Gestures Around the World 213 Communication and Career Success 9
The Rules of Touch 224 Self-Fulfilling Prophecies in the Workplace 59
Distance Makes a Difference 226 Changing Roles, Changing Perceptions 100
Listening Breakdowns 242 Emotion Labor in the Workplace 130
Speaking and Listening with a “Talking Stick” 246 Strategic Ambiguity 164
When Advising Does and Doesn’t Work 259 Nonverbal Communication in Job Interviews 216
What Would You Say? 260 Listening in the Workplace 238
Your Relational Stage 283 Memorable Messages: Initiating Company
Your Dialectical Tensions 287 Newcomers 280
Maintaining Your Relationships 290 Romance in the Workplace 312
Your Relational Transgressions 292 Communication Climate and Job Satisfaction 340
Your IQ (Intimacy Quotient) 309 Leaving on a Good Note 388
This page intentionally left blank
 Thirteenth Edition

Looking
OUT
lookingIN
Ronald B. Adler
SANTA BARBARA CITY COLLEGE

Russell F. Proctor II
NORTHERN KENTUCKY UNIVERSITY

Australia • Brazil • Japan • Korea • Mexico • Singapore • Spain • United Kingdom • United States
 Looking Out/Looking In, Thirteenth © 2011, 2007, 2005 Wadsworth, Cengage Learning
Edition
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this work covered by the copy-
Ronald B. Adler, Russell F. Proctor II
right herein may be reproduced, transmitted, stored or used in any
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1 2 3 4 5 6 7 13 12 11 10 09
To Neil Towne, whose legacy endures in these pages.
 BRIEF CONTENTS
Preface ix CHAPTER SEVEN
About the Authors 1 Listening: More Than Meets the Ear 234

CHAPTER ONE Part III Looking At Relational

A First Look at Interpersonal
Communication 2 Dynamics
Part I Looking In CHAPTER EIGHT
Communication and Relational Dynamics 268
CHAPTER TWO
Communication and Identity: Creating and CHAPTER NINE
Presenting the Self 38 Intimacy and Distance in Relational
Communication 302
CHAPTER THREE
Perception: What You See Is What You Get 80 CHAPTER TEN
Improving Communication Climates 338
CHAPTER FOUR
Emotions: Feeling, Thinking, and CHAPTER ELEVEN
Communicating 120 Managing Interpersonal Conflicts 376

Part II Looking Out

Endnotes 410
CHAPTER FIVE Feature Box Notes 441
Language: Barrier and Bridge 158 Glossary 443
Credits 449
CHAPTER SIX
Name Index 451
Nonverbal Communication: Messages beyond
Words 198 Subject Index 453

iv Brief Contents
CONTENTS
Preface ix Communication and the Self 40
About the Authors 1 Self-Concept and Self-Esteem 40
Biological and Social Roots of the Self 43
CHAPTER ONE Characteristics of the Self-Concept 49
A FIRST LOOK AT INTERPERSONAL Culture, Gender, and Identity 54
The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy and
COMMUNICATION 2 Communication 57
Why We Communicate 5
Changing Your Self-Concept 60
Physical Needs 6
Presenting the Self: Communication as
Identity Needs 7 Identity Management 62
Social Needs 7 Public and Private Selves 62
Practical Goals 8 Characteristics of Identity Management 65
The Process of Communication 9 Why Manage Identities? 70
A Linear View 9 How Do We Manage Identities? 70
A Transactional View 10 Identity Management and Honesty 74
Communication Principles and
Making the Grade 75
Misconceptions 13
Communication Principles 13
Communication Misconceptions 15 CHAPTER THREE
The Nature of Interpersonal PERCEPTION: WHAT YOU SEE IS
Communication 16
WHAT YOU GET 80
Two Views of Interpersonal
Communication 17 The Perception Process 83
Mediated Interpersonal Communication 18 Selection 83
Personal and Impersonal Communication: Organization 84
A Matter of Balance 22 Interpretation 90
What Makes an Effective Communicator? 25 Negotiation 92
Communication Competence Defined 25 Influences on Perception 93
Characteristics of Competent Physiological Influences 93
Communicators 27 Cultural Differences 96
Competence in Intercultural Social Roles 98
Communication 32
Common Tendencies in Perception 101
Making the Grade 34
We Judge Ourselves More Charitably Than
Others 101
Part I Looking In We Cling to First Impressions 102
CHAPTER TWO We Assume That Others Are Similar to
Us 102
COMMUNICATION AND IDENTITY: CREATING We Are Influenced by the Obvious 103
AND PRESENTING THE SELF 38 Perception Checking 103
Contents v
 Elements of Perception Checking 105
Perception Checking Considerations 105
PART II Looking Out
Empathy, Cognitive Complexity, and CHAPTER FIVE
Communication 108
LANGUAGE: BARRIER AND BRIDGE 158
Empathy 108
Language Is Symbolic 161
Cognitive Complexity 110
Understandings and Misunderstandings 162
Making the Grade 116
Understanding Words: Semantic Rules 162
Understanding Structure: Syntactic
CHAPTER FOUR Rules 167
EMOTIONS: FEELING, THINKING, Understanding Context: Pragmatic
AND COMMUNICATING 120 Rules 168
What Are Emotions? 122 The Impact of Language 170
Physiological Factors 122 Naming and Identity 170
Nonverbal Reactions 123 Affiliation 172
Cognitive Interpretations 123 Power 173
Verbal Expression 124 Disruptive Language 175
Influences on Emotional Expression 126 The Language of Responsibility 178
Personality 126 Gender and Language 183
Culture 126 Content 184
Gender 128 Reasons for Communicating 184
Social Conventions 129 Conversational Style 185
Fear of Self-Disclosure 131 Nongender Variables 186
Emotional Contagion 131 Culture and Language 187
Guidelines for Expressing Emotions 132 Verbal Communication Styles 188
Recognize Your Feelings 134 Language and Worldview 191
Recognize the Difference between Feeling, Making the Grade 193
Talking, and Acting 134
Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary 135 CHAPTER SIX
Share Multiple Feelings 137 NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION: MESSAGES
Consider When and Where to Express Your BEYOND WORDS 198
Feelings 137
Characteristics of Nonverbal
Accept Responsibility for Your Feelings 138 Communication 201
Be Mindful of the Communication
Nonverbal Skills Are Vital 201
Channel 139
All Behavior Has Communicative
Managing Difficult Emotions 141
Value 201
Facilitative and Debilitative Emotions 141
Nonverbal Communication Is Primarily
Sources of Debilitative Emotions 142 Relational 202
Irrational Thinking and Debilitative Nonverbal Communication Serves Many
Emotions 145 Functions 204
Minimizing Debilitative Emotions 150 Nonverbal Communication Offers Deception
Making the Grade 154 Clues 206

vi Contents
 Nonverbal Communication Is Choosing the Best Listening Response 261
Ambiguous 207 Making the Grade 264
Influences on Nonverbal Communication 210
Gender 210 Part III Looking At Relational
Culture 210
Types of Nonverbal Communication 213
Dynamics
Body Movement 213 CHAPTER EIGHT
Voice 220
COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL
Touch 222
Appearance 224
DYNAMICS 268
Why We Form Relationships 270
Physical Space 226
Appearance 270
Physical Environment 228
Similarity 271
Time 229
Complementarity 272
Making the Grade 230
Reciprocal Attraction 272
CHAPTER SEVEN Competence 273
Disclosure 273
LISTENING: MORE THAN MEETS THE EAR 234 Proximity 273
Listening Defined 237
Rewards 275
Hearing versus Listening 237 Relational Development and
Mindless Listening 237 Maintenance 275
Mindful Listening 238 Models of Relational Development 276
Elements in the Listening Process 239 Characteristics of Relationships 287
Hearing 239 Repairing Damaged Relationships 291
Attending 240 Communicating about Relationships 293
Understanding 240 Content and Relational Messages 293
Responding 240 Types of Relational Messages 294
Remembering 241 Metacommunication 296
The Challenge of Listening 241 Making the Grade 298
Types of Ineffective Listening 242
Why We Don’t Listen Better 243
CHAPTER NINE
Meeting the Challenge of Listening INTIMACY AND DISTANCE IN RELATIONAL
Better 246 COMMUNICATION 302
Types of Listening Responses 247 Intimacy in Relationships 304
Prompting 247 Dimensions of Intimacy 304
Questioning 249 Masculine and Feminine Intimacy
Paraphrasing 250 Styles 307
Supporting 254 Cultural Influences on Intimacy 308
Analyzing 257 Intimacy in Mediated Communication 310
Advising 258 The Limits of Intimacy 310
Judging 260 Self-Disclosure in Relationships 312

Contents vii
 Degrees of Self-Disclosure 314 Competing (Win-Lose) 383
A Model of Self-Disclosure 316 Compromising (Partial Lose-Lose) 385
Benefits and Risks of Self-Disclosure 317 Collaborating (Win-Win) 387
Guidelines for Self-Disclosure 321 Which Style to Use? 388
Alternatives to Self-Disclosure 324 Conflict in Relational Systems 390
Silence 326 Complementary, Symmetrical, and Parallel
Lying 326 Styles 390
Equivocating 329 Intimate and Aggressive Styles 391
Hinting 331 Conflict Rituals 393
The Ethics of Evasion 333 Variables in Conflict Styles 394
Making the Grade 334 Gender 394
Culture 395
CHAPTER TEN Constructive Conflict Skills 398
Identify Your Problem and Unmet
IMPROVING COMMUNICATION CLIMATES 338 Needs 398
Communication Climate: The Key to Positive
Make a Date 399
Relationships 340
Describe Your Problem and Needs 399
Levels of Message Confirmation 341
Consider Your Partner’s Point of View 400
How Communication Climates
Develop 345 Negotiate a Solution 400
Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies 348 Follow Up the Solution 401
Face-Threatening Acts 348 Constructive Conflict: Questions and
Answers 402
Preventing Defensiveness in Others 349
Isn’t the Win-Win Approach Too Good to Be
Saving Face 355
True? 403
The Assertive Message Format 356
Isn’t the Win-Win Approach Too
Responding Nondefensively to Elaborate? 403
Criticism 362
Isn’t Win-Win Negotiating Too
Making the Grade 371 Rational? 403
Is It Possible to Change Others? 406
CHAPTER ELEVEN Making the Grade 406
MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS 376
The Nature of Conflict 378
Endnotes 410
Conflict Defined 378
Conflict Is Natural 380 Feature Box Notes 441
Conflict Can Be Beneficial 380 Glossary 443
Conflict Styles 381 Credits 449
Avoiding (Lose-Lose) 382 Name Index 451
Accommodating (Lose-Win) 383 Subject Index 453

viii Contents
PREFA CE
Professors who teach the first course in inter- isolated in separate chapters. The treatment of
personal communication and the students who these important topics is non-ideological, cit-
study the subject are lucky people. They get to ing research that shows how other variables
explore a topic with obvious relevance to their are often at least as important in shaping
own personal lives, and great potential for per- interaction. The basic focus of the chapters has
sonal benefit. remained constant, and Chapters 2 through 11
can be covered in whatever order works best for
The success of Looking Out/Looking In over individual situations.
almost four decades suggests that this book
does justice to this important subject. We think
you will find that this new edition continues
this tradition.
New to This Edition
Long-time users of Looking Out/Looking In will
find that this new edition has been improved in
What’s Familiar several ways.
The defining characteristic of Looking Out/Look- UPDATED AND EXPANDED COVERAGE
ing In continues to be a user-friendly approach Updates begin with the text itself. Almost 20
that highlights the connection between schol- percent of the 1,200 references are new to this
arship and everyday life. Virtually every page edition, demonstrating to readers that princi-
spread contains an attention-grabbing assort- ples and prescriptions offered in Looking Out/
ment of materials that support the text: quota- Looking In are grounded in scholarly research.
tions, poetry, music lyrics, articles from print These citations reflect developments in the dis-
and online sources, cartoons, and photogra- cipline of communication, including emotion
phy. A prominent treatment of ethical issues labor, privacy management, reappraisal, listen-
helps readers explore how to communicate in ing fidelity, and relational commitment. Many
a principled manner. An extensive package of other topics have been expanded and updated.
ancillary resources (described in detail in the For example, there is expanded coverage of
following pages) aims at helping students learn deception, the nature of mediated interpersonal
and instructors teach efficiently and effectively. relationships, interpersonal perception, argu-
mentativeness, and social support.
This edition of Looking Out/Looking In con-
tinues to emphasize the transactional nature ENHANCED CAREER FOCUS New “On the
of interpersonal relationships. It presents com- Job” sidebars in every chapter highlight the
munication not as a collection of techniques importance of interpersonal communication in
we use on others, but as a process we engage the workplace. Grounded in scholarly research,
in with them. Readers also learn that even the these sidebars equip readers with communica-
most competent communication doesn’t always tion strategies that will enhance career suc-
seek to create warm, fuzzy relationships, and cess. Topics include managing emotions on
that even less personal interaction usually has the job, effective nonverbal communication in
the best chance of success when handled in a employment interviews, avoiding negative self-
constructive, respectful manner. fulfilling prophecies in the workplace, integrat-
ing newcomers into an organization’s culture,
The discussion of gender and culture is inte- dealing with workplace romances, and leaving
grated throughout the book, rather than being a job on a positive note.

Preface ix
 EXAMPLES FROM POPULAR MEDIA This Chapter 8 presents a story of one loving couple
edition integrates references to popular cul- whose long-distance relationship flourishes
ture throughout the book in the form of photos, in cyberspace. Chapter 9 explores the world of
quotes, and in-text discussions. Lyrics of musi- PostSecret, a blog where people escape from
cal artists including Beyonce, Gavin DeGraw, the constraints of everyday privacy manage-
Destiny’s Child, Chris Cagle, Alison Krauss, ment by anonymously disclosing very personal
and Diamond Rio echo themes from the text. information.
Illustrations from television programs include UPDATED VARIETY OF RELEVANT, INTER-
House, Ugly Betty, The Office, and Hell’s ESTING READINGS Beyond mediated com-
Kitchen. References to films include The Pursuit munication, this edition features a new lineup
of Happyness, Legally Blonde, Star Trek, The of sidebar readings that show how principles in
Breakfast Club, and I Love You, Man. Even pop- the text operate in a wide range of settings and
ular commercials reinforce the notion that the relationships. In Chapter 3, a Korean-American
media are filled with examples that illustrate woman describes her resentment at being con-
the principles of interpersonal communication. fused with other Asian women—and how she
Along with the in-chapter references to popular made the same mistake herself. The same
culture, new profiles of feature films and televi- chapter explores how workers in a retirement
sion programs wrap up each chapter, showing home gain empathy for their clients by simulat-
how entertainment can illustrate concepts from ing old age. Chapter 5 includes a plea discour-
the text. New films discussed in this edition aging the casual use of the B-word to describe
include Into the Wild (the necessity of commu- women (and men). In Chapter 7, a young writer
nication), Lars and the Real Girl (shared nar- whose father recently died offers advice on how
ratives), Yes Man (emotional fallacies), Hitch to let mourners grieve for their loss. Chapter 9
(nonverbal cues), The Devil Wears Prada (poor describes the challenges of “friends with ben-
listening), The Break-Up (relational deterio- efits” relationships.
ration), and Borat (incompetence in intercul- NEW COVERAGE OF DIVERSITY Through-
tural communication). Television series include out the book, “Looking at Diversity” profiles—
MADE (self-improvement), Lie to Me (decep- many new to this edition—provide first-person
tion), CSI/Law & Order (listening), Everybody accounts by communicators from a wide range
Loves Raymond (confirming/disconfirming com- of backgrounds. In Chapter 6, a person who is
munication), and 30 Rock (conflict styles). blind describes the challenges of interpreting
INCREASED EMPHASIS ON MEDIATED RELA- others’ nonverbal cues. In Chapter 7, an inmate
TIONSHIPS This edition recognizes the grow- explains how communication skills learned in
ing importance of mediated communication via a prison program helped her become a better
social networking sites, blogging, email, instant listener. In Chapter 9, a Latina discusses the
messages, text messaging, and other forms impact of culture and gender on communica-
of electronic media. In addition to presenting tion with her African American husband and
scholarship on mediated communication, this others. In Chapter 11, an international busi-
edition is loaded with sidebar material that ness consultant describes the challenges of
illustrates how it operates in relationships. cross-cultural communication.
For example, Chapter 1 describes how friends
and strangers in cyberspace helped one man
prevail in his battle with substance abuse.
Chapter 2 explores the way gamers create new
Enhanced “Making the
identities and rich relationships that supple-
ment their “real” ones. Chapter 7 describes
Grade” Pedagogy
how some businesses enhance listening by Whatever else they bring to the interpersonal
reducing the distractions of laptops and PDAs. communication course, virtually all students

x Preface
want to earn a grade that reflects success.
(Instructors are just as eager to see their stu- Teaching and Learning
dents succeed.) The “Making the Grade” peda-
gogy in this edition features a variety of devices
to help students learn concepts and develop
Resources
skills most effectively. Along with the text itself, Looking Out/Look-
ing In is accompanied by an extensive array of
CHAPTER-OPENING OBJECTIVES A list of materials that will make teaching and learning
learning outcomes opens each chapter, giving more efficient and effective. Note to faculty:
students a clear idea of the concepts and skills If you want your students to have access to the
they need to learn in order to succeed. These online resources for this handbook, please be
objectives also help instructors focus class time, sure to order them for your course. The content
out-of-class assignments, and examinations on in these resources can be bundled with every
the outcomes that are clearly identified. new copy of the text or ordered separately. If
“IN REAL LIFE” DIALOGUES These tran- you do not order them, your students will not
scripts, based on actual situations, describe have access to the online resources. Contact
how the skills and concepts from the text sound your local Wadsworth Cengage Learning sales
when used in everyday life. Seeing real people representative for more details.
use the skills in familiar situations gives stu- • The Premium Website for Looking Out/
dents both the modeling and confidence to try Looking In provides students with one-
them in their own relationships. Dramatized stop access to all the integrated technology
versions of many of these transcripts are fea- resources that accompany the book. These
tured in the Looking Out/Looking In online resources include an enhanced eBook; Audio
resources described in the following pages. Study Tools chapter downloads; InfoTrac
College Edition; interactive versions of the
ACTIVITIES Every chapter contains activities
Invitation to Insight, Skill Builder, and Eth-
that help readers take a closer look at impor-
ical Challenge exercises; interactive video
tant concepts. They are labeled by type: “Invita-
activities; web links; and self-assessments.
tions to Insight” help readers understand how
All resources are mapped to show both key
theory and research applies to their own lives.
discipline learning concepts as well as spe-
“Skill Builders” help them improve their com-
cific chapter learn lists.
munication skills. “Ethical Challenges” high-
light some challenges communicators face as • Looking Out/Looking In interactive video
they pursue their own goals. activities feature the “In Real Life” com-
munication scenarios, which allow stu-
END-OF-CHAPTER RESOURCES The “Mak- dents to read, watch, listen to, and analyze
ing the Grade” section at the end of each videos of communication encounters that
chapter provides more resources to help stu- illustrate concepts discussed in the book.
dents succeed. Along with the familiar chap- In addition, interactive video simulations
ter summary and key terms, students will find ask students to consider the consequences
lists of search terms gleaned from online data- of their choices in hypothetical interper-
bases. These terms will help readers uncover sonal situations.
scholarship that explains and extends the con-
cepts they have learned in Looking Out/Look- • Audio Study Tools for Looking Out/
ing In. Looking In provide a fun and easy way
for students to review chapter content
The “Making the Grade” section also directs whenever and wherever. For each chapter,
students to the Premium Website for Looking students will have access to a brief inter-
Out/Looking In, where they will find digital personal scenario example and a five- to
resources that accompany this edition. seven-minute review consisting of a brief

Preface xi
 summary of the main points in the text and mar help, critical thinking guidelines, guides
three review questions. Students can pur- to writing research papers, and much more.
chase the Audio Study Tools through iChap-
• iChapters.com is an online store that pro-
ters (see below) and download files to their
vides students with exactly what they’ve
computers, iPods, or other MP3 players.
been asking for: choice, convenience, and
• The Advantage Edition of Looking Out/ savings. A 2005 research study by the
Looking In is available for instructors National Association of College Stores indi-
who are interested in an alternate version cates that as many as 60 percent of students
of the book. Part of the Cengage Learning do not purchase all required course mate-
Advantage Series, this version of the book rial; however, those who do are more likely
is paperback and black-and-white, and it to succeed. This research also tells us that
offers a built-in student workbook at the students want the ability to purchase “à la
end of each chapter that has perforated carte” course material in the format that
pages so material can be submitted as suits them best. Accordingly, iChapters.com
homework. is the only online store that offers eBooks
at up to 50 percent off, eChapters for as
• The Interactive eBook for Looking Out/
low as $1.99 each, and new textbooks at up
Looking In provides students with inter-
to 25 percent off, plus up to 25 percent off
active exercises, highlighting and book-
print and digital supplements that can help
marking tools, a printing option, search
improve student performance.
tools, and an integrated online text-specific
workbook. • A comprehensive Instructor’s Resource
Manual, revised by Justin Braxton-Brown,
• The Student Activity Manual and Kentucky Community and Technical Col-
Study Guide has been revised by Shannon lege System, and Heidi Murphy, Central
Doyle, San Jose State University. It con- New Mexico Community College, provides
tains a wealth of resources to help students tips and tools for both new and experienced
understand and master concepts and skills instructors. The manual also contains hard
introduced in the text. copy of over 1,200 class-tested exam ques-
• Video Skillbuilder college success vid- tions, indexed by page number and level of
eos provide unscripted clips of students understanding.
talking about their struggles and successes • The PowerLecture CD-ROM contains
in college. Topics covered include taking an electronic version of the Instructor’s
notes to improve your grades, time manage- Resource Manual, ExamView® Computer-
ment, and learning styles. ized Testing, predesigned Microsoft Power-
• InfoTrac College Edition with InfoMarks Point presentations, and JoinIn® classroom
is a virtual library featuring more than 18 quizzing. The PowerPoint presentations
million reliable, full-length articles from contain text, images, and videos of student
5,000 academic and popular periodicals that speeches and can be used as they are or
can be retrieved almost instantly. Students customized to suit your course needs.
also have access to InfoMarks—stable URLs • Communication Scenarios for Cri-
that can be linked to articles, journals, and tique and Analysis Videos include the
searches to save valuable time when doing communication scenarios included in the
research—and to the InfoWrite online Looking Out/Looking In interactive vid-
resource center, where they can access gram- eos as well as additional scenarios covering

xii Preface
 interviewing and group work. Contact your speaker. It features FAQs, helpful URLs,
Wadsworth Cengage Learning sales repre- and strategies for accent management and
sentative for details. overcoming speech apprehension.
• BBC News and CBS News DVD: Inter- • The Art and Strategy of Service Learn-
personal Communication provides foot- ing by Rick Isaacson and Jeff Saperstein
age of news stories that relate to current can be bundled with the text and is an
topics in interpersonal communication, such invaluable resource for students in a basic
as adult sibling rivalry, communicating course that integrates a service-learning
with your mom, and teen texting codes. component. The handbook provides guide-
Available Spring 2010. lines for connecting service learning work
with classroom concepts and advice for
• Communication in Film III: Teaching
working effectively with agencies and
Communication Courses Using Feature
organizations. The handbook also provides
Films by Russell F. Proctor II, Northern
model forms and reports and a directory of
Kentucky University, expands on the film
online resources.
tips in each chapter of Looking Out/Look-
ing In. This guide provides detailed sugges- • TeamUP technology training and sup-
tions for using both new and classic films to port can help you get trained, get con-
illustrate communication principles intro- nected, and get the support you need for
duced in the text. seamless integration of technology resources
into your course with Cengage Learning’s
• Media Guide for Interpersonal Commu-
TeamUP Program. This unparalleled tech-
nication by Charles G. Apple, University
nology service and training program pro-
of Michigan–Flint, provides faculty with
vides robust online resources, peer-to-peer
media resource listings focused on general
instruction, personalized training, and a
interpersonal communication topics. Each
customizable program you can count on.
listing provides compelling examples of
Visit http://academic.cengage.com/tlc to sign
how interpersonal communication concepts
up for online seminars, first day of class
are illustrated in particular films, books,
services, technical support, or personalized
plays, websites, or journal articles. Discus-
face-to-face training. Our online or onsite
sion questions are provided.
training sessions are frequently led by one
• The Teaching Assistant’s Guide to the of our lead teachers, faculty members who
Basic Course by Katherine G. Hendrix, are experts in using Wadsworth Cengage
University of Memphis, is based on leading Learning technology and can provide the
communication teacher training programs best practices and teaching tips.
and covers general teaching and course
• As part of our Flex-Text customization
management topics, as well as specific
program, you can add your personal touch
strategies for communication instruction,
to Looking Out/Looking In with a course-
such as providing effective feedback on per-
specific cover and up to 32 pages of your
formance, managing sensitive class discus-
own content, at no additional cost. Create
sions, and conducting mock interviews.
a text as unique as your course: quickly,
• A Guide to the Basic Course for ESL simply, and affordably. A bonus chapter
Students by Esther Yook, Mary Washing- unique to Looking Out/Looking In about
ton College, is available bundled with the computer-mediated communication is avail-
text and assists the nonnative English able now.

Preface xiii
 Acknowledgments
The success of Looking Out/Looking In is due National-Louis University; Sarah Riley, Univer-
to the contributions of many people. First and sity of Kentucky; and Joseph Valenzano, Uni-
foremost are our families, who tolerated our versity of Nevada, Las Vegas.
absences and distractions over the year that
Our thanks also go to the talented and hard-
we worked on this book. We also thank our
working team at Wadsworth Cengage Learn-
students, who over the years have helped us
ing who have played a role in this edition from
understand how to present material in ways
start to finish: Greer Lleuad, Monica Eckman,
that make sense and make a difference. We are
Erin Mitchell, Bryant Chrzan, Rebekah Mat-
especially grateful to Jenny Prigge at North-
thews, Colin Solan, Jessica Badiner, Michael
ern Kentucky University, who supplied us with
Lepera, Jill Haber, Linda Helcher, Marga-
numerous popular media illustrations of com-
ret Chamberlain-Gaston, Bob Kauser, Robyn
munication concepts.
Young, Bill Jentzen, Audrey Pettengill, Chris-
We are also grateful for the ideas of colleagues tine Dobberpuhl, and Lyn Uhl. In addition,
whose reviews helped shape this new edition: we are grateful to the publishing profession-
Alicia Alexander, Southern Illinois University, als whose fingerprints are all over this edi-
Edwardsville; Evelyn Dufner, International Acad- tion: Rita Dienst, Ginjer Clarke, Kathy Deselle,
emy of Design and Technology; Clark Friesen, Yvo Riezebos, Jennifer Bonnar, Beth Minick,
Lone Star College, Tomball; Frank Giannotti, Eric Zeiter, Raquel Sousa, and Tim Herzog.
Gibbs College; Carrie Harrison, Pittsburgh As always, we are indebted to Sherri Adler for
Technical Institute; Jacob Isaacs, Ivy Tech selecting the photos that help make this book a
Community College, Lafayette; Carrie Johnson, standout.

Features Syndicate, Inc.

© PEANUTS. © United

xiv Acknowledgments
About the Authors
Since this is a book about interpersonal communication, it seems appropriate for us to introduce
ourselves to you, the reader. The “we” you’ll be reading throughout this book isn’t just an editorial
device: It refers to two real people—Ron Adler and Russ Proctor.
Ron Adler lives in Santa Barbara, California, with his wife, Sherri,
an artist and photo researcher who selected most of the images in this
book. Their three adult children were infants when early editions of
Looking Out/Looking In were conceived, and they grew up as guinea
pigs for the field testing of many concepts in this book. If you asked
them, they would vouch for the value of the information between these
covers.
Ron spends most of his professional time writing about communication.
In addition to helping create Looking Out/Looking In, he has contrib-
uted to six other books about topics including business communication,
public speaking, small group communication, assertiveness, and social
skills. Besides writing and teaching, Ron teaches college courses and
helps professional and business people improve their communication on
the job. Cycling and hiking help keep Ron physically and emotionally
healthy.

Russ Proctor is a professor at Northern Kentucky University, where

his sons R. P. and Randy both attended. Russ’s wife, Pam, is an educa-
tor too, training teachers, students, and businesses to use energy more
efficiently.
Russ met Ron at a communication conference in 1990, where they
quickly discovered a shared interest in using feature films as a teaching
tool. They have written and spoken extensively on this topic over the
years, and they have also co-authored several textbooks and articles.
When Russ isn’t teaching, writing, or presenting, his hobbies include
sports (especially baseball), classic rock music (especially Steely Dan), and cooking (especially for
family and friends on his birthday each year).

About the Authors 1

 A FIRST LOOK AT
INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

✔✚ M A K I N G T H E G R A D E
Here are the topics discussed in this chapter:
✔ Why We Communicate ✔
1
What Makes an Effective Communicator?
Physical Needs Communication Competence Defined
Identity Needs Characteristics of Competent Communicators
Social Needs Competence in Intercultural Communication
Practical Goals ✔ Making the Grade
✔ The Process of Communication Summary
A Linear View Key Terms
A Transactional View Online Resources
✔ Communication Principles and Misconceptions Search Terms
Communication Principles Film and Television
Communication Misconceptions
✔ The Nature of Interpersonal Communication
Two Views of Interpersonal Communication
Mediated Interpersonal Communication
Personal and Impersonal Communication:
A Matter of Balance

After studying the topics in this chapter, you should be able to:
1. Assess the needs (physical, identity, social, and 4. Describe the degree to which communication (in a
practical) that communicators are attempting to specific instance or a relationship) is qualitatively
satisfy in a given situation or relationship. impersonal or interpersonal, and describe the
consequences of this level of interaction.
2. Apply the transactional communication model to a
5. Diagnose the effectiveness of various
specific situation.
© James Lauritz/Corbis

communication channels in a specific situation.

3. Describe how the communication principles on 6. Use the criteria on pages 27–31 to determine the
pages 13–15 and misconceptions on pages 15–16 level of communication competence in a specific
are evident in a specific situation. instance or a relationship.

3
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