Supporting You and Your Child’s
Emotional
Wellbeing
Brought to you by:
Child Development Unit
Khoo Teck Puat – National University Children’s Medical Institute
Dear Parents,
Many of you may feel that you have not done the best for your child during this circuit
breaker period. For example, you may feel..
Guilty
Worried for not spending enough
time with your child due
about your child’s
to work or losing your
learning, behaviour
temper at him/her
and health
Frustrated
when your child
misbehaves or does
Ashamed not cooperate
for shouting or hitting
your child, or having
negative thoughts
about him/her
Overwhelmed
with trying to juggle work,
Embarrassed family, your child’s school
by the amount of work and household
screen time your chores
child is getting
You are not alone!
Everyone is experiencing different levels of disruption to our lives during this time.
Like you, many parents are feeling overwhelmed even if they do not show it. We are all
learning to balance different roles such as being a teacher, a cook, an employee and a
housekeeper. Often, we expect ourselves to be the best at every role we take on.
Here are some points for you to
remember:
1. It is ok to lower your expectations during this period.
2. Your main role and identity is a parent.
When you feel overwhelmed, always remember that you are firstly your
child's Mummy or Daddy.
3. Your child’s and your emotional wellbeing are more
important than his/her academic success.
The time that you invest into the emotional wellbeing of your child and
yourself is time well spent. Children learn best when they feel safe and
loved. On the other hand, they will have difficulties learning well if they feel
stressed, upset or insecure.
4. Be kind to yourself.
There is no perfect parent. Every parent makes mistakes. Forgive yourself
when you think you have made a mistake and concentrate on doing better
next time. Do not compare yourself to other parents – you are the best
parent for your child! You are doing the best you can for your child, and you
know them the best.
Supporting Your Emotional Child
Your child’s feelings matter!
When your child is worked up, it is harder for him/her to listen, understand and cope. This may cause
him/her to behave in ways that you find challenging. Here are three steps you can take to help your
child to process his/her feelings in an appropriate manner:
Focus on comforting your child to make him/her feel calm, safe and
loved. Every child has different ways they like to be comforted!
• Deep and tight bear hugs • Listening to calming music
(child facing away from you) e.g. instrumental
• Slow rocking or swaying • Soothing smells
• Being present by sitting with e.g. lavender, vanilla
him/her quietly • Drinking water from a straw
Comfort • Singing rhythmically
• Fidget toys
• Using a comfort object
e.g. pacifier, pillow
Connect with your child by acknowledging his/her emotions and showing
that you understand how he/she is feeling.
• Use a calm tone of voice when speaking to him/her
• Use words that reflect his/her feelings
e.g. Say: “I know you are upset right now.”
• Show that you understand
Acknowledge e.g. Say: “It is really difficult, isn’t it?”
When your child has calmed down, discuss the inappropriate behaviour
and offer some alternative ways for him/her to express himself/herself.
As you do this, continue to reinforce the limits that you have set.
Reassure your child that you love him/her, but tell him/her that the
inappropriate behaviour is not ok.
• Say “I love you.”
• Talk about how his/her behaviour is making you feel
e.g. Say: “Mummy feels frustrated when you cry every time I switch off
the television.”
Negotiate • Offer choices and solutions
e.g. Say: “Next time, do you want to switch off the TV yourself or do
you want to switch it off together?”
Just remember that you CAN do it!
In the following pages, you will find ideas on how to support your emotional child in some familiar
situations that you may encounter at home.
PLAYING IS SO FUN I LOSE MY TEMPER
THAT SOMETIMES EASILY. SOMETIMES I
IT IS HARD FOR ME END UP SHOUTING
TO STOP AND OR HITTING HIM.
LISTEN TO YOU.
Try these with your child: Try these for yourself:
• When giving instructions, check • Be aware of things that can
that your child is listening first. affect your mood and ability to
• Get down to face level with your stay calm.
child and make eye contact. e.g. sleep, nutrition, activity
• Repeat your instruction in a level, work time vs. rest time
calm voice. • When you feel like you are
• Tell him/her the consequences losing your temper, take a deep
of not listening. breath and model positive
• If he/she does not listen, carry behaviour.
out the consequence - expect e.g. Say: “I need to cool down. I
resistance but remain calm and am going to my calm down
firm. corner.”
• If your child listens, praise • After you have calmed down,
him/her. model social problem solving by
apologising to your child and
telling him/her how you are
feeling.
PLAYING IS SO FUN
THAT SOMETIMES I HOW MANY TIMES
GET CARRIED MUST I TELL YOU TO
AWAY AND FORGET STOP JUMPING
TO FOLLOW THE AROUND THE
RULES. HOUSE? IT IS
DANGEROUS.
Try these with your child: Try these for yourself:
• Set clear and specific • Ask yourself: Did my child have
boundaries on where and when enough movement today?
he/she can move around the • Remember that your child needs
house safely. to move to learn and thrive.
e.g. Say: "you can crawl under • Help your child to know when to
the bed." stop by using words and
• Schedule in movement breaks gestures.
for you and your child. e.g. put your hand up and say:
e.g. create and plan an obstacle "STOP”
course with your child, dance
party, jumping jacks, push ups,
yoga, animal walks
MUMMY IS AT HOME EVERYONE NEEDS MY
AND NOT AT WORK! ATTENTION AT THE
I WANT HER TO SAME TIME! I FEEL
PLAY AND TALK OVERWHELMED.
WITH ME.
Try these with your child: Try these for yourself:
• Use a picture timetable to show • Prioritise what is important to
your child when you can give you.
him/her your full attention. • Make sure that everyone is safe
• Create a sign and ask him/her to and their basic needs are met.
take a number and wait (see • Set your child and yourself small
example below). and realistic goals that both of
you can accomplish daily.
• Share the household and family
Mum is busy responsibilities with other family
Please take a number and wait members.
• Remind yourself that you are a
1 2 3 good parent who is doing your
best in a very difficult situation.
• Celebrate small victories daily.
• Make a daily list of what you did
well.
YOU TALKED TOO
QUICKLY AND SAID
TOO MANY THINGS,
YOU DO NOT LISTEN OR
I CANNOT
DO WHAT I SAY UNTIL I
REMEMBER WHAT
SHOUT AT YOU.
YOU SAID.
Try these with your child: Try these for yourself:
• Give instructions effectively: • Remain calm and firm.
o Use 'do' instructions instead • Use a calm voice when giving
of "don't”. instructions.
e.g. Say: "sit on the sofa" • Be careful not to get carried
instead of "don't jump on the away by your emotions.
sofa” • Expect resistance when you
o Wait for your child's carry out the consequence.
response. Do not walk away • Praise your child with a smile
too soon. and happy tone of voice when
• Use gestures or pictures to he/she listens.
show your child what you want • Be aware of your child's abilities.
him/her to do. e.g. use simpler language if your
• Ask your child to repeat what child does not understand
you said to check if he/she
understands.
• Let him/her know that a
consequence will follow if
he/she does not listen.
SHE KEEPS
I AM BORED. I THROWING A
HAVE NOTHING TANTRUM, THE
TO DO. TV IS FUN ONLY WAY TO
AND INTERESTING STOP HER IS TO
TO ME. LET HER HAVE
TV TIME.
Try these with your child: Try these for yourself:
• Have a schedule of planned • Set what you think are
activities. reasonable limits during this
• Involve your child in the time.
planning and allow him/her to • Stick to the limits you have set
choose some activities. and remain calm.
• Write down a behaviour contract • Ignore negative behaviour as
with your child and include a long as your child is still safe.
reward for following the e.g. whining, lying on the floor
agreement (you can make the • Praise your child if he/she
written agreement an art and follows your instructions.
craft activity).
• Encourage quiet play time and
reward him/her for doing so.
• Let your child video call his/her
friends at times.
MUM IS ALWAYS
BUSY. SHE WILL ONLY
PAY ATTENTION TO HE IS MAKING
ME WHEN I BEHAVE ME ANGRY ON
THIS WAY. PURPOSE.
Try these with your child: Try these for yourself:
• Give positive attention by • Shift your mindset.
praising him/her for desirable o If you already think that your
behaviours. child is intentionally annoying
E.g. Say: “I like it when you and you, you are more likely to
your sibling are playing together respond negatively.
nicely.” o Your child may be doing it on
• Let your child know how long purpose as he/she may think
your meeting or phone call will that having negative
last. attention is better than no
Use a timer or clock show attention at all.
him/her the duration you need. • Try to understand your child’s
behaviour.
Your child may be missing
his/her friends in school or
playground time, or he/she just
made a mistake.
WHY CAN'T
YOU JUST DO
YOUR
I DO NOT KNOW WORK BY
HOW TO DO MY YOURSELF?
WORK.
Try these with your child: Try these for yourself:
• Encourage your child to do what • Lower your expectations.
he/she can first. e.g. 15 to 20 mins of work time
• Mark the parts he/she need help at one go for a preschooler is
with for later. enough
• Give frequent movement breaks • Pick a time when your child is
in between work tasks. calm to do work.
• Make learning fun. e.g. avoid timings when your
e.g. draw pictures for friends, child is likely to be tired or
use Play-Doh to form letters hungry
• Ensure the environment is • Think of ways to incorporate
conducive. learning into your child's daily
o Bright lights routines.
You can find some ideas on how
o Switch off distractions
to do this in our NUH CDU
o Have a designated table and
Activity Resource Book.
chair
• Stagger learning time between
your children if possible.
NUH Child Development Unit
Operating Hours: 8.30am - 5.30pm (Mon to Fri)
Jurong Medical Centre Appointment Line: +65 6665 2530/2531
Kent Hong Community Club Appointment Line: +65 6769 4537/4637
Fax: +65 6665 0158
Email: cdu@[Link]
Website: [Link]/nuhkids
The information provided in this publication is meant purely for educational purposes and may not be used as
a substitute for medical diagnosis or treatment. You should seek the advice of your doctor or a qualified
healthcare provider before starting any treatment or if you have any questions related to your health, physical
fitness or medical condition.
No part of this booklet may be reproduced without permission in writing from the National University Hospital.
