SETTING Two for the Seesaw

The set consists of two rooins, angled toward each ACT ONE
other, but in no way related; they are in different build-
ings, a few miles apart, in New York. SCENE 1
The room on Stage Right is Jerry Ryan's and is the
tiny living-room of a bleak two-room flat in a l9wer East Both rooms.
� tenement. It con �ins . principally a nar�ow _ couch
wi� chair . at its side, and at the begmmng has
It is a late afternoon in September; the windows of both
the depressing air of having been moved into recently and rooms are open, and the sounds of TRAFFIC float
minimally; the telephone, for instance, sits on the bare in. Gittel's room is empty.
floor. In the Right wall is a window through which we see
nearby rooftops. In the rear wall is a doorway which
opens into a kitchen so dark it is practically indecipher­
In the other r�om JERRY is sitting on his couch, cigarette
in hand, searching with his finger down the phone­
able; in this kitchen are a gas range, a covered bathtub, book Qpen between his feet. JERRY is a long fellow
and the entrance-door of the flat. The Left wall of the in his thirties, attractive, with an underlayer of
room towards Stage Center is omitted or fragmented, so melancholy and, deeper, a lurking anger; his manner
as not to obstruct our view of the other room on the of dress, which is casually conservative, is too pros­
stage. perous for this drab and disorderly room. The couch
The room on Stage Left is Gittel Mosca's, and is the is unmade, the kitchen chair next to it has a type­
living-room of a flat in a run-down brownstone in....!!?J.!;!: writer on it and is hung with clothes, a handsome
town. It is on a lower level than Jerry's, is larger and suitcase is open on the unswept floor, and the dust is
fighter, and has a pleasantly untidy and cluttered air of gathering in bunches along the wall-board. Now
having been lived in for some time; though furnished in JERRY finds the number he wants, and dials. The
very ordinary taste, it speaks of human comfort and PHONE in Gittel's room rings. On the fourth ring
warmth. Downstage in the Left wall is the entrance-door, JERRY hangs up. Simultaneously there has been a
and Upstage a doorway into the kitchen, which is partly raule of key and knob at Gittel's door; GITTEL
visible. The room contains among other things a studio runs in, not stopping to set down her bag of
double-bed, a night-table with lamp and phone, a bureau, groceries, and grabs the phone.
chairs, and a dress-dummy and sewing-machine in the
corner; there is also a window which looks out upon the GITTEL. ,(Out of breath.) Yeah, hello? (She waits a
street. second.) Oh, hell. ( She hangs up. She is a dark thin girl
NOTE: Following instructions from the author, this play may be of indeterminate age, too eccentric to be called pretty,
released only to amateur groups at which the audience is nervous, uncouth, and engaging by virtue of some inde­
non-segregated. structible cheerfulness in her; all her clothes-denim
�kirt, peasant blouse, sandals-are somehow misfits, and
5
4
6 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT I AC'.t i TWO FOR TilE SEESAW 7
everything she does kas the jerky and-lightweight in­ JERRY. This is Jerry Ryan. We met across eight or
tensity of a bird on the ground.) nine unidentified bodies last night at Oscar's. I'm a slight
acquaintance of his from back home.
(Now she and JERRY go about their separate business. GITTEL. Oh?
JERRY lifts the suitcase onto the couch, and taking JERRY. I say slight, about 170 pounds. Six one.
out his clothes-a fine jacket, a fine suit, a fine (Waits; then elaborately) Red beard-
topcoat-begins hanging them on a clothes-rod set GITTEL. Oh, you were the fella in the dark hat that
catty-corner between two walls; while he is putting didn't say anything I
some shoes down, the rod slips out ef one support JERRY. You must know some very bright hats. I over­
and everything falls on his head.) heard you talk about a frigidaire you want to sell. Be all
right if I stop by for a look?
JERRY. Oh, you son of a bitch. (He lets it all lie, and _ GITTEL. At that frigidaire?
returns into the kitchen. He comes back with a block of JERRY. It's all I had in mind, to begin with.
wood, hammer, and _!'ails; he nails the block any which GITTEL. It's not a frigidaire, it's an ice-box.
way under the s-or:'/iet on one wall, puts the rod back in JERRY. Good enough. No electric bill, a product of
place, and hangs the clothes up again; this time the rod American know-how. I could be there in about­
holds:) GITTEL. I gave it away!
JERRY. (A pause, stymied.) Oh. Not very kind of you.
(Meanwhile GITTEL, on her way to the kitchen with her GITTEL. I just helped him lug it home. Some jerk I
bag of groceries, has stopped in front of the dress­ never saw in my life, Sophie sent him over, so I let him
dummy and looks critically at a gaudy bodice pinned have it just to get rid of the goddam thing. Why didn't
together on it; she stands unmoving for a minute you ask me last night?
then with her free hand unpins the collar and com� JERRY. I didn't want to be among the quick. Last night.
mences to work. After a while she steps back, and.-is­ GITTEL. Huh?
disgusted.) JERRY. I changed my mind and life today, great day.
I thought I'd start by putting my nose in on you for a
GITTEL. Oh, for Christ sakes. (She gives up, slaps the look.
pins down, and continues on to the kitchen, where we see GITTEL. It just isn't here.
her pour out a panful of milk and set it to warm on a JERRY. So you said. (A pause, both waiting.) Yes.
gas-burner; she puts the other groceries away in cup­ Thanks anyway.
board and ice-box. JE�Y finishes with his clothes, turns GITTEL. Sure. (JERRY hangs up.) Oh, hell.
to regard the phone, sits on the couch, checks the same
number, and dials it once more. The PHONE in Gittel's (She hangs up too. JERRY after a morose moment gets
room rings. GITTEL runs back and answers it just as up, fingers in his pack of cigarettes, finds it empty.
JERRY is about to h(tng up after two rings.) Yeah, hello? En route to the window with it he bumps his knee
JERRY. (His voice when we hear it now is well-edu­ against the couch; he lifts his foot and shoves it
cated, with a dead-pan mockery in it that is essentially back, it jars the wall, the clothes-rod is jogged out
detached.) Gittel Mosca, please. of the other support, and the clothes fall on the
GITTEL. It's me, who's this? floor.)
 ACT I TWO FOR THE SEESAW 9
8 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT I (He shoves the suitcase off the couch, lies down and
JERRY. Agh, you son of a bitch! extracts section after section of newspaper from
under him, flinging them away. GITTEL gets an
(He grabs the rod and brings it down over his knee; it answer.)
only bends, flies up in his· face. He attacks it
again, can't break it, trips over it, and doesn't know GITTEL. Sophie. Is Oscar there?-Well, listen, that
where to get rid of it, in a rage which is comic, until hat-type friend of his last night, the long one, what's his
suddenly he throws a short punch into the window, number?-Look, girl, will you drag your mind up out of
not comic; the glass flies. He stands, grimly con­ your girdle and go see if Oscar's got it [Link] down?
siders his fist, his surroundings, his state of mind, JERRY. (His legs are overhanging, he moves back, but
gets away from the window, walks into the phone on now his head bumps the wall. He gets to his feet and con­
the floor, regards it, gathers it up, and dials. Mean­ siders the couch grimly, muttering:) Six feet of man, five
while GITTEL's milk boils over as she is removing feet of couch, calls for a new man.
her sandals. She jumps up, and is hurrying toward
(He stands the suitcase on end at the couch foot, lies
the kitchen when her PHONE rings.) down again with his feet. out upon it, and extracts
'
and flings away a final section of newspaper. GITTEL
GITTEL. Oh, for Christ sakes. (She is undecided, then scribbles.)
hurries back and grabs up the phone.) Just a minute,
will you, I'm boiling over. (She lays it down, hurries into GITTEL. 69 what? Yeah, yeah, yeah, very funny.
the kitchen, turns the .milk off, and comes back to the
phone.) Milk all over the goddam stove, yeah? (JERRY . (She clicks down, and immediately dials it. JERRY'S
sits with his eyes closed, the mouthpiece against his PHONE rings. His head lifts to regard it, and he
eyebrows.) Hello? (JERRY separates his face and the lets it ring another time before he leans over to pick
mouthpiece.) Hello, is anybody on this line? it up.)
JERRY. No.
GITTEL. Huh? (JERRY hangs up.) Heyl JERRY. (Guardedly.) Yes?
1G1TTEL. ( Quickly, a little nervous.) Look, I been
(She stares at the phone in her hand, then replaces it. thinking here about that ice-box, what we_ could do is I
She decides to shrug it off and go back to her milk, could take you around the corner where this character
which she cools off by adding more from the con­ lives, if you offer him a buck or two he might turn loose
tainer; but she stands in the doorway sipping it for of it, and it's worth five easy, what do you say? (JERRY
only a second, then makes for the phone. She dials, on his elbow mulls her over.) Hey, you still with me?
and waits. JERRY walking in his room finds his hand JERRY. I don't know yet, I might be against you. I'm
is bleeding a bit, wraps it in his handkerchief, and not in the book, how did you get my number?
has a private argument, not liking himself.) GITTEL. Sophie gave me it. Now about this ice-box, I
mean for nothing I let this kid have a real bargain, you
JERRY. You broken-hearted fly, begin. (He gazes could afford to_ make it worth his while, what do you
o�ound the bare room, answers himself mordantly.} think?
Begin what? The conquest of the Sunday Times?
10 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT I
ACT I TWO FOR THE SEESAW 11
JERRY. I think you can't be calling about an ice-box
you had to help someone carry through the streets to get GITTEL. Oh!
rid of. JERRY. With someone of the weaker sex who's weaker.
GITTEL. What do you mean? GITTEL. (Pause.) Okay, here I am. {JERRY ponders
JERRY. You're calling either because like me you have it.) Contact!
nothing better to do, or because you're under the misap-­ JERRY. I called to invite you to dinner tonight. And
GITTEL. (Indignantly.) I .got eleven different things I a show.
could be doing 1 GrTTEL. So why didn't you?
JERRY. Different isn't better, why aren't we doing JERRY. I was afraid you'd say yes or no.
them? Or because you're under the misapprehension it GrTTEL. Huh? I would of said sure.
was me who just hung up on you.. JERRY. See what I mean? All right, which show? It's
GITTEL. (Confused.) Uh-it wasn't? Sunday, we'll have to see what­
JERRY. Whoever it was had a reason: Question now is GrTTEL. Well, now I'm not so sure.
what's yours? If a man calls up to say he's not calling JERRY. Why?
up, a girl who calls him back can be either lonely, solicit­ GITTEL. I don't know if I want to get involved now,
ous, prying, a help or a nuisance-- you sound awful complicated to me!
GITTEL. Look, how'd I get in the wrong here? JERRY. How? Man calls to invite you to dinner via the
JERRY. -and I'm curious to know which. ice-box, 'YOU say there isn't any ice-box, he waits to be
GITTEL. Did you call me up about this ice-box or not? invited in without the ice-box, you show no interest in
JERRY. Not. anything but the ice-box, you call him back to invite
him to invite you via the ice-box again, he expresses
(GITTEL bangs the phone down, gets up, and tears her interest in your personality, not your ice-box, you're so
scrap of paper with his number into bits; she throws devoted to the ice-box you hang up. What's complicated?
them into the waste-basket. JERRY after a surprised GITTEL. (A pause.) Look, what's your point?
moment finds this somewhat amusing, smiles in spite JEitRY. (Dryly.) I'm kind of pointless, how are you?
of himself, clicks down, and dials back. GITTEL's GITTEL. I mean I'm the girl, right? You're the man
PHONE rings, and she comes to answer it; JERRY'S make up your mind. Then ask me to dinner, and I'li
manner now is rather teasing.) make up my mind.
JERRY. My point is I've been trying to make up my
GITTEL. Yeah, hello? mind for a month here.
JERRY. I said I didn't call you about an ice-box. GITTEL. What, to ask me to dinner?
GITTEL. (Darkly.) Whaat? JERRY. To climb off a. certain piece of flypaper. It's a
JERRY. It seems I did, but I didn't. beginning. (Pause.) I mean once you break a leg in five
GITTEL. Look, I can't follow this whole conversation. places you hesitate to step out.
You called- . GITTEL. Ohl
JERRY. I called because the only female voice I've JERRY. It's one night in the year I don't want to eat
heard on this phone is the robot lady with the correct alone. (Another pause.) The reason I hung up was I
time, and I'm going off my nut in solitary here. I called didn't want to say please. Help me. _
to make contact. GITTEL. Well. How'd you expect to pick me up?
JERRY. How far east are you?
12 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT I ACT I TWO FOR THE SEESAW 13
GITTEL. Off Second. hall, where presently we hear VOICES and F001:­
JERRY. I'll be there in half an hour. STEPS · the door is unlocked, and GITTEL comes in
GITTEL. Maybe you shouldn't, is it okay enough to? with J�RRY behind her, both silhouetted. Th�ir
JERRY. Is what okay enough to? mood is light, though JERRY'S manner remains
GITTEL. Your leg. essentially ironic and preoccupied.
JERRY. What leg? Oh. (He is deadpan:) I don't know,
it seems to have affected my head. I'll see you. (He hangs GITTEL. Look out for the furniture. Got to be a bat to
up, replaces the phone on his couch. GITTEL stares, find your way around this goddam room in the dark.
shakes her head, glances at an alarm-clock on the night­ JERRY. Some of my best friends are bats. And the rest
table, hangs up hurriedly, and darts out her door into are cuckoos. The- Oogh!
the hall, where from another room we hear the bathtub GITTEL. There. (She clicks on a LAMP, which gives a
WATER being turned on. Meanwhile JERRY'S mood has cozy light, and tosses her purse and a theatre-program on
lightened; he picks up his fallen clothes and lays them the bed. JERRY is holding a carton of cokes and a bag,
across his couch, brushes his jacket off, and slips into it. and rubbing his shin with his bandaged hand; GITTEL
He is on his way out with his hat when the PHONE comes back, grinning.) So whyn't you listen?
rings, and he comes back to answer it, thinking it is JERRY. (Surrenders the things.) No place like home,
GITTEL and speaking dryly into the mouthpiece:) I'm as be it ever so deadly. Sixty per cent of the accidents in
sane as you are, stop worrying. (Then his face changes, this country occur in the home. ( GITTEL takes the things
becomes guarded.) Yes, this is Mr. Ry- (His mouth into her kitchen.) Doesn't include ruptured marriages.
sets. After a second:) Who's calling from Omaha? (Sud­ Be safe, be homeless.
denly he hangs up. He stands over the phone, his hand . GITTEL. ( Calling in, amused.) What'll you have, coke
upon it, until it begins to ring again; then he puts his
hat on slowly, and walks out of the room. He pulls his or beer, Jerry?
KITCHEN LIGHT out, and leaves, closing the outer JERRY. Anything you're having that's wet.
door. The PHONE continues to ring.) GITTEL. I'm having warm milk.
JERRY. (With doubt.) Warm milk. (He considers it,
CURTAIN putting his hat on the dress-dummy while GITTEL in
the kitchen lights the gas under a potful.) I think I'm
too old for you. I'll have a hell-bent coke.
ACT ONE GITTEL. Coke's got caffeine in it, maybe I'll give you a
beer better, huh?
SCENE 2 JERRY. Better for what?
Gittel's room. GITTEL. It's more relaxing. You had three cups of
coffee at dinner, a coke now makes-
It is close to midnight the same day, and both rooms are JERRY. Gittel, call off the St. Bernards. I mean let's
dark, except for the LIGHTS of the city in the sky not nurse me I've been taken care of to shreds. ( GITTEL
beyond their open windows. The faint SOUNDS of is brought ba�k to the doorway by his tone, which has an
metropolitan night are audible. Under GITTEL's edge.) Coke, and damn the torpedoes.
door there is a line of YELLOW LIGHT from the GrTTEL. You said you don't sleep. So you won't sleep.
 ACT I TWO FOR THE SEESAW 15
14 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT I GITTEL. You out of work, Jerry?
(She goes back into the kitchen. JERRY thinks it over, ]EIUff. (Inspecting his milk.) I know why I'm drinking
dryly.) this, why are you?
GITTEL. Oh, I got an ulcer. (She indicates her chest,
JERRY. It's a non-income-producing habit. If you explains.) In the duodenum.
guarantee I'll sleep with beer, you can give me beer.. JERRY. Serious? (GITTEL shrugging, wags her head,
GITTEL. (Comes [Link].k .[Link] the doorway.) Look, let's makes herself comfortable on the bed, her legs under
start all over, on yom: iOIW'lll. Coke or beer? her.) I thought ulcers in women went out with the bicycle
JERRY. Warm mi1lk. built for two, isn't it a man's disease nowadays?
GITTEL. Now 1isten- GrTTEL. (Philosophically.) Well, I got it!
]ERRY. If I'm relaxing I don't wan.t to be casual about JERRY. Well, which are you, the old-fashioned type or
it. the manly type?
GITTEL. Why, what's the difference?
(GITTEL shaking her head goes back into the kitchen; JERRY. Present difference might be whether I drink
she continues from there, while JERRY explores the this and go, or stay all night.
room.)
(He cocks an eye at her, and GITTEL eyes him back
GITTEL. What kind of bed you got you don't sleep? unperturbed, a moment of frank speculation, both
JERRY. A couch I g@t .at the Salvation Army, eight ways.)
cll:@'l!ams..
GrTTFL. Well, my God, no wonded Take a feel of that GITTEL. You don't exactly lead up to things, do you?
bed. (She comes into the doorway, f>t!Jints with a mug; . JERRY. Oh, I've been up for hours, pawing the ground.
JERRY stops to eye the bed.) You know how much I paid The only question is which way to run. (He moves away
for that mattress alone? Fifty-nine bucks! Sears' best. from this subject, which leaves her perplexed; he stops
JERRY. Six l0ve1y feet long and wide [Link] for two, to regard the gaudy bodice on the dress-dummy, his
isn't it? manner dry and light.) Speaking of blind as a bat, who
GrTTEL. Yeah, well, that's one thing I'd never be is this for?
without is a good ,bed, you just got to get :yourself a GITTEL. Dance costume, some kid she's at the Educa­
•good bed. (She goes back into the kitchen..) I mean tion Alliance next Sunday.
,figure it out, you're in it .a third of your life. JERRY. Has no bottom part, this kid she has no bottom
JERRY. (Dryly.) W:ou 1ead a very puritanical life, by parts?
that estimate. GITTEL. Goes with tights, natch!
GITTEL. How come? Oh. Okay, half. JERRY. (At the sewing machine.) Good idea. And here
JERRY. (Interested.) Hm. Well, I've been spending you earn an immodest living, hm?
most of my nights here on the jewe:1-like bridges, I can't
'alfli@r<ll. <[Link]-nine dollars just to ,raike
n my bedbugs comfy. GITTEL. (Dubiously.) Mmm. Half and half.
<GITTEL. You got bedbugs? (She ;-Comes in frowning, JERRY. Why, what's the other half?
with a box of cookies and two mugs of milk, and hands GITTEL. The other half I'm unemployed!
.Jum one.) JERRY. (At photos on a wall.) Well, the answer is
JERRY. Among other things eating me at night.
16 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT I

simple, longer costumes. Aha, acrobats. Who's the black 17

beauty with cramps? ACT I TWO FOR THE SEESAW
GITTEL. That's me. GITTEL. Two. Then when I never looked healthier in
JERRY. You? my life, they had to operate on me.
GITTEL. Yeah, don't act so surprised! I'm dancing. JERRY. Fot the ulcer?
JERRY. Oh. Yes, I see. I had the impression you'd GITTEL. Appendicitis! (She becomes self-conscious
given up that line of work, or vice versa. under his continued gaze; she laughs.) No kidding, I'm
GITTEL. (Indignant.) No! That's what I am. Ye a physical wreck, practically.
gods, I studied with Jose for years. JERRY. (After a moment, raises his milk to her.) To
JERRY. Jose who? your physique. As is, without appendix. I couldn't resist
GITTEL. (Staring.) Are you serious? another ounce.
JERRY. Good question. You mean this is the real you.
GITTEL. Well, if it isn't I sure wasted a lot of seven- (He drinks to her, and GITTEL cheerfully acknowledges
fifties a week! it with a sip of her own.)
JERRY. And Mr. America here would be your ex-
mistake? GITTEL. So okay, that's what's wrong with me, what's
GITTEL. Who? wrong with you?
JERRY. Your husband. JERRY. Me? Not a thing.
GITTEL. Nah, Wally wasn't around long enough to GITTEL. How'd you break your leg in five places?
snap a picture. That's Larry. JERRY. Oh, my leg. It broke with grief. (He en:ptie_s
JERRY. (Sagely.) Oh. The present mistake. (He con­ the mug, sets it down, stops at her RADIO and clicks it
templates the photos.) Somehow there's more of the real on, sees that it lights up, clicks it off, and moves on,
you. Do you have such nice legs? taking out a cigar.)
GrTTEL. Sure! Well, I mean I did, but that's some GrTTEL. Look, whyn't you settle down and rest up?
time back, before I got sick, I lost a lot of weight since (JERRY turns to her, she anticipates him.) I'm not nurs­
then. ing,, it just makes me nervous to watch I
JERRY. (On tiptoe at one photo's neckline.) With your JERRY. (Dryly.) I have two rates of motion, the other
old-fashioned duodenum? Can almost make it out in this is collapse. The last lady who invited me to settle down
I couldn't get up for nine-years. (He drop:r in a chair
one- apart from her, unwrapping the cigar; GITTEL stares.)
GITTEL. No, ulcers you put on weight. That diet, ye GITTEL. Who was that?
gods, six meals a day, the last hemorrhage I had I put on JERRY. Her name escapes me. The question at hand is
eighteen pounds. I looked very good. (JERRY turns to how we're to make up our mind.
her with a frown.) Everybody said! GITTEL. About what?
JERRY. The last. JERRY. About my staying over. I appreciate the invita­
GITTEL. Yeah, I hope it's the last. I got just so much tion, but I'm not sure you should insist. On the other
blood! hand, it's very pleasant here and I can't plead any prior
JERRY. It is serious. How many hemorrhages µave you engagements.
had? GITTEL. (A pause.) I don't get you, Jerry.
JERRY. I only sound hard to get. No one's had much
trouble.
 ACT' J TWO FOR THE SEESAW 19
18 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT I JERRY. Mosca?
GITTEL. I mean first you can't say if you even want to GITTEL. Oh, that's exotic. -It's my stage name.
JERRY. What stage are you in?
:(
·s,
J..,0.\ e,
eat with me, the next minute, bing, into bed. Only .it's all
talk, how come? GITTEL..Huh?
JERRY. What's your real name?
� V M\� ) JERRY. It's exploratory talk. Like the old lady who
<I�\� said how do I know what I think till I hear what I say. GrTTEL. Too long. For the marquees, Moscowitz.
GITTEL. Ahuh. Is that the way you decide everything? JERRY. So you became a witzless Italian. Is that where
-��,, · you were born?
X' JERRY. How?
GITTEL. In your head? GITTEL. Italy?'
JERRY. Well, I have a little gray thingamajig in here JERRY. Poland.
supposed to save me false moves. Where do you decide GITTEL. (Indignantly.) I was born in the Bronx.
things? Listen, whyn't you get unemployed insurance? It's what
GITTEL. Well, that one not in my head! I mean a I do;
couple of false moves might get you further. JERRY. Well. For one thing, I'm not a legal resident of
JERRY. (Studies her for a moment.) Don't rush me. I this state.
think I should examine what I'm getting into. GITTEL. Oh. (She considers it.) So what state are you
GITTEL. (Eyebrows up.) Who said yes, yet? from, legally?
JERRY. And so should you. What if all I can afford is JERRY. Nebraska.
a- (He waves a hand at the photos.) lady on a picture, GITTEL. Nebraska. That's somewhere way out in
not a whole human being with hemorrhages and so on? California, isn't it?
GITTEL. (Indignantly.) So who's giving them to you? JERRY. I think it's Nevada that's in California.
JERRY. Well. I'm burning my bridges before me. Maybe �ITTEL. I mean, you're a long ways from home. You
we could have a little music to obscure the future, I've don t [Link] anybody here you can borrow from?
missed that, too. JERRY. (In his chair, appraises her steadily.) Only you.
GITTEL. My God, you :haven't got a radio even?
JERRY. No, why? (A' IJ,Uiet moment, their eyes not leaving each other.
GITTEL. Everybody's got a radio! (He lights the cigar. GI>TTEL then picks up his mug, to refill it, debating.)
GITTEL stares at him, till the RADIO comes in under
her hand; she dials around to some music.) Listen, are GITTEL. How much do you need?
you really broke? JERRY. (Eyes down.) You're a very generous girl.
JERRY. (Inspecting the cigar.) What kind of.a name (T�en he gets to his feet, his voice flattening; he walks
is Gittel? Has an exotic ring, Eskimo or­ away from her.) Much too generous. Don't play the fairy
GITTEL. Polish. Are you? godmother, the wolf will eat you up.
[Link]? GITTEL. You said you were broke!
GITTEL. Broke! JERRY. No, you said I was broke. The unromantic fact
JERRY. Why do you ask? is that last year I made fifteen thousand dollars.
GITTEL. I just want to know if that's what keeping GIT'FEL. (Staring.) Doing what?
'I you up nights, and if so what'd we eat out and ge to a JERRY.. I'm an attorney.
show for? I mean we could of gone Dutch at least. GITTEl'... You mean a lawyer?
JERRY. (Deadpan.) I thought you were Italian. JERRY. Attorney. To be exotic.
GITTEL. Who, me? Jewish!
20 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT I ACT I TWO FOR TIIE SEESAW 21
Gr'.rTEL. (Indignant.) I got eighteen bucks to get me I'd rather not be responsible for an ingenuous little nit­
through the month, what am !helping you out for? wit like you. In one word.
JERRY. (Indifferent, at the window.) Offhand I think GrTTEL. (Scowling.) What's ingenuous mean, smart?
you enjoy feeding stray wolves. JERRY. Dumb. Naive.
GITTEL. What? GITTEL. Oh, for Christ sakes. I had a room of my own
JERRY. I think you're a born victim. in the Village at sixteen, what do you think, to play
GITTEL. Of who? patsy? All those reasons, I think you're just scared!
JERRY. Yourself. JERRY. (A pause, levelly.) Do you sleep with him?
GrTTEL. (Staring.) Am I wrong or have you got a GrTTEL. Who?
nerve? I felt sorry for you, what's so terrible? JERRY. Mr. America. Larry.
JERRY. (Turning.) For me. GrTTEL. He's a dancer.
GrTTEL. Sure. JERRY. So you said.
JERRY. How old are you? GITTEL. I mean we're very good friends and all that,
GrTTEL. Twenty-nine, so? but my God. You think I'm peculiar or something? (Her
JERRY. So. Don't talk like twenty-eight. At thirty eyes widen.) Are you?
you're over the hill, half a life gone, there's very little in JERRY. Am I what?
this room to show for it. I think it's time you worried GITTEL; Queer?
about your worries. JERRY. (A pause, shakes his head.) Oh, you've gone
GITTEL. (Scowling.) I do! I got plans! too far. (He puts down the cigar.) No one's in your life
JERRY. What plans? now?
GITTEL. Several! I'm starting right away with this GITTEL. No, I'm free as a bird, goddam it.
Larry, we're going to work up a whole goddam dance JERRY. I'm free as a worm. We can keep it as simple as
that, an item of diet.
recital, why shouldn't we be the new Humphrey and
Weidman? I'm hunting everywhere for a cheap loft to fix (His hands g_esture for her, and GITTEL readily comes ;
up a studio, I can rent it out for classes too. Not to JERRY kisses her. It begins temperately enough, but
mention I'll probably do the costumes for a show down­ as GITTEL cooperates it becomes 'a whole-hearted
town, Oscar's in a new theatre bunch there, he says he and protracted undertaking. It is GITTEL who slides
can- out of it, leaving JERRY with his hands trembling·'
JERRY (Flatly.) None of this will nappen. ([Link] true she i s a bit jittery herself.)
enough to take the wind out of GrTTEL for a moment:)
GrTTEL. (Incensed.) So I'll think _up something else! GrTTEL. Brother. How long you been on the wagon?
Why are you riding me for? JERRY. A year.
JERRY. Seriously? GITTEL. (Staring.) Where you been, in jail? (JERRY
GrTTEL. Yeah! reaches. , grasping her arms this time inexorably. I!e
JERRY. (Evenly.) Because I enjoy you, life is short, kisses her again; she resists weakly, responds, resists
and if you're spending it like a sailor on a spree you very weakly, and gives up, hanging loosely in his hands
might as well spend some on me, but all I probably mean until they part mouths for air.) Look, let's not get all
is trouble, I can be here today and gone tomorrow, and worked up if we're not going to finish it, huh?
22 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT I
ACT I TWO FOR ·THE SEESAW 23
JERRY. Who's not going to, huh?
GITTEL. I mean you just have another cookie to calm GITTEL. (The neighbors.) Ssshl Why?
down, and then maybe you better go. JERRY. (Hissing.) Because I came east with five
JERRY. Go! hundred dollars. I'm living on three-fifty a day here now.
GITTEL. Please. GITTEL. (Hissing.) You spent about sixteen-eighty on
JERRY. (Releases her. A silence.) Is that what you me tonight!
meant by a false move would get me further? JERRY. (Hissing.) I splurged.
GITTEL. No, !- GITTEL. What, on me?
JERRY. Go where? (He turns away, very annoyed, JERRY. On me. I was thirty-three years old today.
finds himself at the radio, and. mocks her:) Back to a (GITTEL is speechless. He lifts up his cigar, dourly.)
room without a radio? So, I bought myself a dollar cigar.
GITTEL. (Weakly.) Radio costs nineteen ninety-five-­ GITTEL. It's your birthday?
JERRY. That's cheap enough. I had the impression JERRY. Sorry it-exploded. (He crushes it out in the
you'd been inviting me all night. To buy a radio? (He ash-tray.)
snaps the RADIO off, and walks.) GITTEL. (Alarmed.) So don't ruin it! You got to buy
GITTEL. (Defensive.) I got an iron-clad rule I wouldn't yourself a present on your birthday, my God? Whyn't
sleep with God Almighty on the first date, you want me you tell me?
to be promiscuous? In the second place you-walk JERRY. Why, you'd like to give me one?
around too much- (She works up some indignation.) GITTEL. Sure!
-and in the third place I can't stand cigars in the first JERRY. Thank you. (He retrieves his hat from the
place, and in the fourth place I tell you my "'.hole life dummy.) I'm not hinting for handouts, from crackpot
practically and what do I hear out of you, no news at lovable waifs. Just don't tell a man go when you've
all, why should I hit the hay right away with someone been indicating come all night, it's not ladylike. (He
I don't know if he's- walks toward the door.)
JERRY. (Wheels on her so bitingly it stops her like a GITTEL. (Stung.) So what do you think you been doing
blow.) Because I'm drowning in cement here! right along?
GITTEL. Where? JERRY. (Stops.) What?
JERRY. This town! (He paces, talking through his GITTEL. Hinting for handouts! It's what you been
teeth, more to himself than to her.) I haven't passed a doing all night I
word with a living soul for a month, until I called Oscar JERRY. Are you talking to me?
-and we never liked one another! Everyone else I knew GITTEL. Sure. All these hints, unhappy, bedbugs,
here has moved to Connecticut, Vermont,_ the Arctic broke-
Circle. I've worn out a pair of shoes in the museums. JE�Y. Unhappy bedbugs!
And a pair of pants in bad movies. And if I hike over GrTTEL. Unhappy! Bedbugs!
another beautiful bridge here by my lonesome, so help JERRY. What in God's name are you drearning­
me, I'll jump off! So I go back to my cell, twenty-one GITTEL. Like this minute, if I don't sleep with you
dollars a month, with garbage-pails in the hall they'll they'll find you dead?
find me gassed to death by some morning. (He turns on JERRY. (Astonished.) Who said that?
her.) And I can't spend nineteen ninety-five on a radio! GITTEL. You did. With the garbage?
. JERRY. Oh, cut it out. I-
 ACT I TWO FOR THE SEESAW 25
24 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT I GITTEL. What?
JERRY. Nothing. (He opens his hands, helplessly.)
GITTEL. Or off a bridge, you're so lonely? That's the It's absolutely true, the-point you made, you made
last thing you said? . , your point.
JERRY. I was-I- (But he breaks off, staring at her GITTEL. Which?
in less disbelief.) That was-campaign oratory. You call JERRY. I ask for handouts. I never saw it happening
that all night? before, right under my nose. (He shakes his head, finds
GITTEL. The first thing said was help me. On the his hat again, and walks once more to the door.)
phone. Right? GITTEL. So where you going now?
JERRY. (Stares, almost speechless, though he makes JERRY. Back to solitary. (Beset.) There I go again!
one more convictionless try.) I-said I wouldn't say GITTEL. So don't. Ye gods, if you hate it so much you
that, I- don't want to go back there on your birthday, stay over.
GITTEL. Oh, come on! You said help me, I said sure. I got a couch in the back room, you take the bed. Maybe
(JERRY cannot remove his eyes from her, at a loss for a good night's sleep you'll feel better in the morning,
words.) I'm not complaining, I'm used to all kinds, but huh? (JERRY stares unseeing.) You want to stay?
what do you call me names, you want it both ways? JERRY. Stay?
(JERRY still stares at her, but something has opened in GITTEL. So you'll get a good night's sleep. You'll feel
him that now takes him away from her, Downstage, his better in the morning.
fingers at his brow, almost in a daze. GITTEL becomes JERRY. You mean, put you out?
concerned.) Hey. I say something hurt your feelings? GITTEL. It's not out, I fit that couch. I mean you got­
JERRY. (With an effort.) Yes, slightly. I- (He shakes long legs, you know?
his head, abandons the attempt at irony. Low:) I'm JERRY. Yes. ( GITTEL is eyeing his legs, with interest.
remembering. Something from- (It comes from far When their eyes meet, it is as though for the first time,
away, his tone now simple and vulnerable.)-thirteen really: something warmer passes between them, they are
years ago yesterday. I was walking across the campus both shy about it.) Both of them.
of Nebraska U, with a beautiful auburn-haired girl whose GITTEL. Yeah, well, I- You mind my sheets? (She
father was a sizeable wheel in the state. The girl and I yanks the bedspread down, takes a pillow, gathers things
were-intimate that summer, and I was telling her I'd up.) I put them on clean yesterday and I had a bath.
have to leave school, no family to help me. The next JERRY. No. It's kind of you to offer, kind of absurd,
day-my birthday-was the luckiest in my life, I got the but kind-
George Norris scholarship. It kept me in school, and I GITTEL. What do you mean absurd? You got a lousy
became a lawyer. The girl and I-continued. (He stops. bed, tomorrow you'll get some kerosene and see where
GITTEL waits.) they come out of the wall.
GITTEL. That's the whole story? JERRY. Gittel. You're a very sweet girl-
JERRY. I married her. GITTEL. (Embarrassed.) Well-you're a very sweet
GITTEL. (Darkly.) You got a wife? girl, too. The john's right out there behind you­
JERRY. Had a wife. She's divorcing me out there. JERRY. -but all I proposed was a change of bedmates.
GITTEL. (Contrite.) Oh. You too, huh? GrTTEL. Listen, all / got in mind is a good night's s!eeQ
JERRY. Me, too. It was just before we married I you'll feel better in the morning-
learned that Lucian-her father-had wangled that
scholarship for me. You know what I said?
26 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT I
ACT I TWO FOR THE SEESAW 27
JERRY. (Simultaneously with her.) -feel better in the
morning. No doubt. she halts. After a second she turns back and stands to
GITTEL. (All settled.) So okay! (She turns with her give the hat another stare. Finally she sighsi., and with an
armful into the kitchen, puts out the LIGHT there.) air of disgusted resignation mutters to her}efq .Oh, what
JERRY. Gittell the hell, happy birthday.
GITTEL. (Within.) What?
JERRY. I can't. (And she puts everything back, her clothes back in the
GITTEL. (Within.) I'm all packed! 1rawer, the clock back on the table, the pillow back
JERRY. (A pause.) Crazy. (Nevertheless, the bed in place alongside the other on the bed. She un­
attracts his eye; he turns back from it.) Gittel I ( GITTEL buttons and takes off her blouse hangs it dangling
reappears, still with her armful.) Look, agree with me. on a chair, sits on the bed to r�move her sandals
It would be an act of-frailty to stay after- stands to slip her skirt off, walks in her half-slip and
GITTEL. What, on your birthday? (She goes back in. bra t� a drawer again, takes out pajama-tops, and
JERRY considers this argument for a long moment, con­ at this moment hears JERRY in the hall· she skedad­
templates the bed, and the room around it, and sighs.) dles with the pajama-tops into the darkness beyond
JERRY. Gittel. ( GITTEL reappears; his tone is humble.) the kitchen. JERRY returns, and walks around res­
Should I really stay? tive. It is a moment before he accidentally kicks one
GITTEL. Look, don't nudya me! You want to stay? of GITTEL's ·sandals, stares at them, then at her skirt
JERRY. (A pause.) I haven't been in a place that �n the ftoor, then _at her pillow next to his, and look­
smelled of-human living in a month. Of course I want ing toward the kitchen, comprehends her "intention.
to stay. ll_e takes up �er blouse in his fingers. Bringing it to
GrTTEL. So stay I lizs J �ce, h� inh�les the od�r of woman again; he
rubs tt against his cheek, thinking, scowling. At last
(GITTEL takes the hat out of his hand, drops it on the he comes out of the other end of some maze' and
bed, gives him a towel, and disappears beyond the tells himself grittily:)
kitchen again. When JERRY opens the towel, it has
a large hole in it. He shakes his head, amused, and JERRY. It's, not, a, beginning.
rather forlorn.)
(He h�ngs the blouse back on the chair, turns, picks up
JERRY. I feel ridiculous. his hat from the bed, and walks straight out into the
hall, closing the door behind him. After a moment
(He walks out into the hall, leaving the door open. GrTTEL peers in from the kitchen, clad in the
After a moment GITTEL comes back through the pajama-tops and carrying her underthings; she sees
kitchen, .�till with her armJul.) the room is still empty and comes in. Quickly she
clicks off the LAMP, turns down the sheet, has her
GITTEL. Listen, I- (She sees the room is empty, knee up to get in, remembers, and kneels around to
stops, stares at his hat on the bed. She scowls at it, de­ the foot of the bed with her hand outstretched for
bating. Then she shakes her head, no, no, and walks back JERRY'S hat. It is not there. She searr:!tes, baffled,
toward the kitchen with her armful. But on the threshold then sees the door is now closed; she scrambles over
the bed to it, looks along the hall to the john .and
28 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT I ACT I TWO FOR THE SEESAW 29
then down over the bannister. Two stories down, JERRY. If you keep handing things out to the first
there is the closing of the STREET DOOR. GITTEL comer, judgment day will find you without an ice-box to
comes back into her doorway, where she stands your name, morally speaking.
silhouetted; after a perplexed moment she slaps her GITTEL. (Jerking up.) Jerry! Hey, you all right? I
thigh, in resignation.) called you two or three times, no answer.
CURTAIN JERRY. I tried another bridge. Queensboro, it opens a
vast new territory to-- (He catches himself, breaks off.)
I was about to say get lost in, but that's my last hint.
I walked out on you, Gittel.
ACT ONE GITTEL. Yeah. I noticed!
JERRY. What changed your iron-clad rule?
SCENE 3 GITTEL. Oh-I couldn't resist your goddam hat!
Both rooms. JERRY. I should have left it for you. I thought it was
something else.
It is several hours later, and the first light of DAWN is GITTEL. Like what?
just beginning to pick out the furniture in both JERRY. Charity. I think your trouble is running the
rooms. GITTEL is in her bed, asleep, with the blanket community chest.
and sheet pulled up over her ears. JERRY'S room is GITTEL. Huh?
empty, but after a moment we hear JERRY letting JERRY. My trouble is my wife does understand me.
himself in at his door. When he opens it, he spies You lit a fair-sized birthday candle under me tonight, it
and bends to pick up a telegram waiting inside the cast a light backwards all the way to Omaha, Nevada.
threshold. He comes into his living room staring at GITTEL. How?
it, unkempt, needing a shave, weary from walking JERRY. Tess-her name is Tess, it comes back to me
all night, but relatively lighthearted. He takes the from time to time-also smothered me in loving kind­
telegram to the broken window, tears the envelope nesses. But my God, if I hinted for them it's not all her
open, then pauses in the act of lifting the message fault. I needn't have gone into her father's law-office and
out, and presently shoves it back in, tosses it onto I did, I needn't have let him set us up in a handsome
his couch, and lights a cigarette. He walks around a house in Fairacres and I did, it poisoned the well.
few steps, then stands deliberating between the tele­ GITTEL. (Scowling.) Well?
gram and the phone and suddenly sits to the phone. JERRY. Well. We had running water, but not much
He dials, waits. The PHONE in GrTTEL's room monogamy. I had to be heroic with some wife, no matter
rings. GITTEL rolls around before she is altogether whose, and Tess now is marrying someone else, a col­
awake, her hand jumbling till it finds the phone. league of mine who-- (He breaks this off.) That's an­
other chapter. I wanted to say only that tonight half
GITTEL. (Eyes closed.) Yeah, h'lo. (JERRY considers my life looks like- a handout, and I finally walked out on
how to begin.) H'lo! one. From you.
JERRY. (Dryly.) About that ice-box. I think you let GITTEL. Oh. I thought it was something else.
that other jerk have it too cheap. JERRY. Such as?
GITTEL. Whah? GITTEL. I figured you figured I wasn't- (She takes a
 ACT 1 TWO FOR THE SEESAW 31
30 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT I
GrTTEL. Better!
breath.) I mean maybe you ,didn't think I was-- You JERRY. All you need is practice. Go ahead.
know. GrTTEL. (Irately.) Who's practicing? What do you
JERRY. No. think, I'm nuts, you know what time it is, is that what
GITTEL. Attractive! you call me up five o'clock in the morning to practice
JERRY. (A pause.) Oh, God. And you still called me hollering?
two or three times? · JERRY. (Amused.) No, I called to say don't give any­
GITTEL. (She has her pride.) Two times. thing else away. Until I see you.
JERRY. Why? GITTEL. What?
GITTEL. Well, you disappear lik� that, I got worried JERRY. I'm asking whether you'd-care to try being
about you. half of a pair?
JERRY. Gittel. (His tone is gentle, very affectionate, GITTEL. (A pause.) Look, let's not go through all that
for the first time genuinely heedful of her; the relat!on­ again!
ship is taking on a quite different color.) Gittel, I'll tell JERRY. On my terms, this time. And I don't mean as a
you two truths. One, you're attractive, two, you don't handout.
look out for yourself. GITTEL. So what do you mean?
GITTEL. Sure I do. JERRY. That I'd-like to look out for you. Hemor­
JERRY. No. If you did you'd object more. rhages notwithstanding. (GITTEL stares at the phone.)
GITTEL. What to? Will you let me?
JERRY. So many things. This minute, this very minute, GITTEL. (Shakes her head, too uncertain about her
why aren't you taking my head off' about the time? feelings to know what to say; she is touched, and also
GITTEL. Why, what time is it? wants to snicker.) I'm-I-why?
JERRY. Little before five. It takes practice, go ahead. JERRY. I think you can use me. Not that I'll be such a
GITTEL. Go ahead what? bargain, a lot of me is still tied up in the-civil wars.
JERRY. Practice. Protest. Enter an objection. I thought I'd tell you the whole mess, if you'd have
GITTEL. Huh? breakfast with me.
JERRY. Holler at me! GITTEL. Where?
GITTEL. What for? JERRY. Here. Will you come?
JERRY. It's a hell-0f an hour to phone anyone. Who do GITTEL. Well, I'm having a tooth pulled out eight­
I think I am, waking you up this time· of night, my fifteen. I mean I'll be spitting a lot of goddam blood, we
father-in-law? It shows no respect for you, you resent it, won't be able to do anything.
say sol JERRY. Will you come?
GITTEL. Look, what are you hollering at me for? GITTEL. Sure I'll come.
JERRY. (Mildly.) Your own good. JERRY. (A pause, gently.) I'll look for you. (He is
GITTEL. I don't like to holler at people, it makes me about to hang up, when he has an after-thought.) Gittel.
nervous. Anyway, I'm glad you phoned. GITTEL. Yeah?
JERRY. Why? JERRY. What do you do when a tooth bleeds?
GITTEL. (Exasperated.) What makes you so dumb? GITTEL. (Concerned.) Why, you got one?
I was worried about you/ JERRY. Oh, you're a character. I'm talking about yours.
}ERRY. That's better.
32 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT l

GITTEL. Oh. Let it bleed, why? It dries up.

JERRY. I knew I'd have a use for that ice-box. I'll have
a cake of ice in the sink. ACT TWO
GrTTEL. What for?
JERRY. For the ice-bag I'll buy for your tooth. SCENE 1
GITTEL. (A pause, amused.) You're starting right in, Jerry's room.
huh?
JERRY. Not a minute to lose. It's a new day, in my It is October now, early evenirzg, dusk. Gittel's room is
thirty-fourth year, and I feel like a rising lark. Get some much the same, with her bed unmade and two
sleep, now. pillows rumpled; but a transformation has over­
taken Jerry's. It has been fixed up inexpensively,
(He hangs up. GITTEL sits for a moment, then also hangs and now is tidy, pleasant, livable, witlz [Link],
up and shakes her head in a kind of wonderment.)
wall-lamp, throw-rugs, burlap drapes, stained fruit­
GITTEL. Sonofabitch. crates for shelving-all improvements in the peasant
style of Gittel's garb. Near the window there is a
(Presently she gets up and goes into her kitchen, pours bridge-table .with two chairs, set for dinner. Gittel's
herself some milk from the pot, and comes back; little RADIO is playing on a shelf, WNYC, sym­
she settles in bed with it. JERRY sets his phone on the phonic music. The LIGHT in the kitchen is on, now
floor and remains, smiling, until his eyes again en­ agreeably shaded; out here GrTTEL, wearing a dish­
counter the telegram. He picks it up, fingers it. towel for an apron, is preparing dinner. She comes
Finally he draws it out, takes it to the window, and in carrying a bowlful of salad, sets it on the table,
reads it. He goes over it twice in silence; the third and stands listening thoughtfully to the music; she
time he reads it aloud to himself, without expres­ then has a kind of slow convulsion, which after a
sion.) moment we see is a modern-dance movement, be­
cause she stops, is dissatisfied, scratches her head,
JERRY. "I called to say happy birthday you stinker tries another, gives it up, and returns to the kitchen.
don't shut me out God help both of us but will you Here she opens the gas-range cover to peer in, does
remember I love you I do Tess." some basting, closes it. In the middle of her next
turn she halts, listens towards the door, then ske­
(After a second he perceives the telegram is trembling. daddles back in and hastily begins lighting two
He crumples it in his hand, and drops it slowly out candles on the table. We then see JERRY opening the
the broken window. He returns to his couch, trans­ outer door.
lers his clothes to the chair, and lies down to finish
his cigarette. Each lies alone with his thoughts in GITTEL. (Calling happily.) Hiya, baby.
the bleak light of daybreak; JERRY smoking and JERRY. Hi. (He stops, to sniff the oven, looks in.)
GITTEL sipping her milk; the only sound is some Hmm. Smells good, who's in here? Chicken!
distant CHURCH CLOCK ringing five.) GITTEL. And salad, and potatoes, and wine's on the ice.
JERRY. Wine, well. (Coming into the doorway he leans
END OF ACT ONE there, just taking her in at the candles; he is in street-
33
 ACT II TWO FOR THE SEESAW 35
34 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT II
really the preserved brains of her unfaithful father, who
clothes and hat, with a legal tome or two under his arm, has run away to join this gang of juvenile delinquents,
and some parcels.) What are we launching, me? she recognizes him instantly and lets out an unearthly
GITTEL. I got a bargain, sixty-nine cents a bottle. Must shriek-
of been getting kind of old. (She comes to kiss his GITTEL. (Blankly, lifts it.) A cake of soap?
amused face above her, and his arm draws her in.) JERRY. (Approaching.) Supposed to be the preserved
What's so funny? brains of-
JERRY. You are, infant. (He spies the window over her GITTEL. What's the matter, I smell?
shoulder.) You put up curtains for me! JERRY. Good idea, let's investigate. (He ,puts his nose
GITTEL. Sure, what do you think I come over for, just in her hair from behind, his arms around her waist.)
to see you? GITTEL. I mean what kind of present is a cake of
JERRY. Very cozy. Last couple of weeks you've turned soap, I need a bath?
this into the showplace of the nation. You're better than JERRY. What kind of present is a- Did you look at
wine, you improve with age. the box?
GITTEL. What's in the bag? GITTEL. No.
JERRY. Everything's in the bag. JERRY. Read the soap.
GITTEL. I mean this bag. GITTEL. (By candlelight.) Channel number-
JERRY. Don't move! JERRY. Channel number five, it's a TV sample. Chanel
GITTEL. (Alarmed.) Huh? number five, girl, you're holding a two-fifty soap-bubble
JERRY. Careful. Back in one inch. there.
GITTEL. Why? GITTEL. (Aghast.) Two-fif-for one cake of soap?
JERRY. (Soberly.) Because all afternoon. I've been JERRY. Don't you dare take a bath with that. We're
totally surrounded by law-books, and I like it much going to eat it, spoonful by spoonful. Instead of that
better being totally surrounded by you. I got your thread. soya cak�.
(He jiggles a bag at her ear.) GITTEL. You know sometimes I think the nutty one
GITTEL. Oh, good. You see Frank Taubman, Jerry? of this twosome some of us think I am is you? Two­
JERRY. I did. And dessert. (He jiggles another bag.) fifty, we won't eat!
Soya cake. Salt-free, butter-free, flavor-free. JERRY. We'll eat, it will be a feast. How's your belly?
GxtTEL. Well, what'd he say? GITTEL. Oh fine. I took some banthine, it went away.
JERRY. You'll hear. And a piece of the moon. From me, JERRY. Didn't all go away. Here's some.
to you. (He deposits the third bag in her hand.) GITTEL. Some what?
GrTTEL. A present? JERRY. Belly.
JERRY. Just a piece of the moon. GrTTEL. Oh. You think I'm too fat.
JERRY. Good God, no.
(GITTEL unwraps it at the candles, while JERRY gets rid GrTTEL. You think I'm too skinny?
of his books and hat, takes off his jacket.) JERRY. (Dryly.) I think you're a sacred vessel of
womanhood.
GITTEl'.-. I can't wait to see what's in it, what's in it? GITTEL. Ahub. Sexy as all get-out, that's why you buy
JERRY. (Deadpan.) Well, it turns out this way, she me a hunk of soap.
opens this box from her lover thinking it's candy but it's
36 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT Il ACT II TWO FOR THE SEESAW 37
JERRY. Buoyant in the bow, swivelly in the stern, and GITTEL. So don't. Anyway I got the bill, that's when
spicy in the hatch, how's that? I did drop dead.
GITTEL. S'pretty good. (They have been kissing; now JERRY. I won't answer.
GITTEL cocks her head back.) You think I'm too sexy? GITTEL. (Presently.) All right. You want to get the
JERRY. Hm? wine?
GITTEL. I mean oversexed? JERRY. With pleasure. (He turns the RADIO on, and
JERRY. I think you're a mixed-up girl. Calmly con­ goes into the kitchen.) Let's drink life to the dregs, the
sidered, your bottom is tops. whole sixty-nine cents worth. I have something for us to
GITTEL. Some vessel. Sounds like a shipwreck. (She toast. I had a long session this afternoon with Frank­
kisses him again. When they come up for air, she slides (GITTEL meanwhile stares at the phone, then switches
out of his hands.) Anyway! You're getting a phone-call the RADIO off; the mood in the room changes, and the
soon. Long distance. phone now begins to haunt what they do and say. JERRY
JERRY. Who from? returns with the wine and a corkscrew.) What's the
GITTEL. (Brightly.) Your wife. (She inhales at the matter, honey?
soap again.) This her kind, Jerry? GrTTEL. I don't see any crowd.
JERRY. (A pause.) No. And I seldom gave her gifts, she JERRY. That I said I wouldn't answer?
was-amply supplied. GrTTEL. Nothing's the matter!
GITTEL. Okay. (She takes· the soap out into the JERRY. It's dead and buried. (He uncorks the bottle.)
kitchen, busies herself at the oven: JERRY stands alone, Six feet under, the coffin is sealed, the headstone is paid
not moving, for a long moment; then he calls out, sound­ for, I'd rather not open it all up again. (Lightly.) Let's
ing casual.) change the subject to something pleasant. How are you
JERRY. When did she call? making out on your recital?
GITTEL. (Calling in.) Soon's I got here. Said she'd call GITTEL. That's pleasant? I looked at that loft again­
back eight o'clock. {JERRY looks at his wristwatch, stares the goddam bastard still wants a two-year lease and won't
at the phone, clears the litter off ihe table, glances again come down a cent. I haven't got that kind of gelt. It's a
at the phone, and goes to his window, to gaze out. GITTEL very fine dance studio, for Rockefeller.
comes back in,. bearing a casserole of chicken and a bowl­ JERRY. You don't need Rockefeller, you have Fort
ful of French fries to the table, with cheerful chatter.) Knox here.
She must have money to burn, huh? I mean two long­ GITTEL. Where?
distant phone calls, ye gods. You know I only made one JERRY. (Taps his brow.) I had a long session with
Frank Taubman this afternoon.
long-distant phone-call in my whole life? (She stands GITTEL. So what'd he tell you? (But her look is on the
serving out their portions.) Tallahassee, that's in Florida, phone.)
right after we were married. Wally had a job there. I JERRY. That if I'm not a member of the New York Bar
mean he said he had a job, when I found <iut it was he could offer me only some briefs to prepare.
really a red-head he went back to I didn't drop dead GITTEL. Oh.
either, but I called him up-- JERRY. I'll go down with you in the morning and we'll
JERRY. I don't think I care to talk to her. (GITTEL give this goddam bastard two months rent.
continues serving, but frowning over it.) Gittel. GrTTEL. Out of what?
38 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT II
ACT II TWO FOR THE SEESAW 39
JERRY. I accepted them. It pays per brief, we'll be
papering the walls with gelt. GITTEL. I love them.
GITTEL. I'll get the loft when / get a job. (Her look JERRY. (Hesitates.) Four is all you get. (He lifts the
again is on the phone; this time JERRY notices.) potatoes from her plate in his fingers, drops one back
JERRY. (A pause.) It didn't say anything. and takes the bowlful out into the kitchen.)
GITTEL. Huh? GITTEL. Heyl (But the protest is weak, she contents
JERRY. The phone. herself with snaring others from JERRY'S plate in his
GITTEL. Yeah. I heard Schrafft's was putting on girls, absence, and pops them into her mouth. He comes back
I'm going to see about it tomorrow. with a slice or two of bread.)
JERRY. Schrafft's. Waiting on table? JERRY. Here. Instead. You need starch to soak up the
GITTEL. Whatever they got. I worked the candy acids, honey, I've been reading up on the whole pathology
counter for them last year, I put on seven pounds. It's of ulcers and you simply don't know what to do with
very good candy. your acids. In medical parlance we call this a half-acid
JERRY. Do me a small favor, let me do you a small diagnosis. Let's stick to what you can eat, hm?
favor? GITTEL. (Her mouth full.) Certainly! (JERRY about
GITTEL. Sure. Like what? to sit consults his wristwatch, frowns, glances at the
JERRY. Like stake you to Loft's, instead of Schrafft's. phone; then, sitting, finds GITTEL's eyes on him.) It
You know how much I can earn doing briefs? A hundred didn't say anything!
a week, I'll buy you candy. It's absurd for you to work JERRY. What?
at Schrafft's. GITTEL. The phone.
G1TTEL. What have you got against Schrafft's? JERRY. Not going to, either. I was just thinking I'd
JERRY. I'm afraid someone there will eat you up. No forgotten the sound of her voice. How did she sound?
Schrafft's, the prosecution rests. (They eat again.) You GITTEL. (Scowling.) What do you mean how did she
know this chicken is fabulous? What makes it taste like sound?
gin? JERRY. (Bored.) Only how did she sound, don't­
GITTEL. Gin. GITTEL. Lovely, she sounded lovely! You want to hear
JERRY. Fabulous. You can sew, you can cook, you­ how she sounds, talk to her. What are you scared of?
('Fle suddenly takes note, ominously.) What are we do­ JERRY. (Puts down his fork, and contemplates her.
ing eating French fries? Evenly.) You really want me to answer it, don't yoti?
GITTEL. You like them. GITTEL. Who, me?
JERRY. Not after you were up half the night with a JERRY. Why?
bellyache. GITTEL. Why not?
GITTEL. (Indignant.) You said they were your favor­ JERRY. Because I'm in a state of grace here in a garden
ite. of Eden with you and a stuffed chicken. Adam and Eve,
JERRY. (Mildly.) My favorite will put holes in your and you know what that twelve hundred miles of phone
stomach lining. And your stomach lining is my favorite, cable is? The snake. Why let it in, it was enough work
how many did you eat? ' getting rid of the bedbugs.
GITTEL. Three. GITTEL. Why do you hate her so?
JERRY. (Rises.) Three too many. JERRY. I don't, let's change the subject. (They eat
again.) I'll go with you about this loft tomorrow. TelJ
 ACT II · TWO FOR THE SEESAW 41
40 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT II that old; but I've been a practicing- (But he breaks off
and leans back to regard her for al moment. Then:) How
the man I'm your lawyer, I handle nothing but your. do you do it?
leases, I'll negotiate the whole transaction. I'll even bring GITTEL. What?
my brief-case. JERRY. We begin with my saying I'll lend a hand, and
GITTEL. What kind of bread is this?
JERRY. Health bread. For our health. end one minute later with you putting me through college.
GITTEL. Gee, they must cut this right off a stump, huh? . GITTEL. I don't need a hand, I'll make out! (JERRY is
JERRY. (Sits back and enjoys he.r.) You're a bug. A dzsp�eased with this, and after a moment lowers his face
waterbug, this way, that, what did I do to have you in to his plate.) You got to take the exam sometime, no?
my bloodstream? Look. I'm saying if you're a dancer it's JERRY. No.
time to do something about it, the days are going- GITTEL. So what'll you be here in your old age?
GITTEL. (Vehemently.) Of course I'm a dancer, it's JERRY. Don't rush me into the grave. I'm not living
driving me crazy! Everybody else is getting famous, all that far ahead.
I'm getting is repair bills from Singer's!
JERRY. All right then, I can lend a hand with the loft. (GITTEL is displeased with this, and after a moment
You go to work on the recital, I go to work on the briefs. lowers her face to her plate. They eat. GITTEL then
GITTEL. What's doing briefs? bounces up, marches into the kitchen, returns with
-� JERRY. Researching a case for precedents. (GITTEL is the bowl of potatoes, and drops a fistful into her
uncomprehending, so he clarifies it.) When one cuke plate.)
brings suit against another cuke, the court can't decide
which cuke is cukier until it hears how two other cukes GrTTEL. What are you, on vacation here?
made out in another court in 1888.
GITTEL. So is that fun? (She sits. JERRY reaches over, puts the fistful back into
JERRY. Not unless you have a nose-in-the-book talent. the bowl, rises, and carries it out again to the
But I won't be writing briefs fol' the rest of my life, I kitchen. He returns without it.)
can practice in court here any time I take the state Bar
exam. JERRY. Not necessarily, but I might die somewhere else.
GITTEL. So whyn't you take it? Be a shame to go to all the trouble of taking the Bar
JERRY. (Smiles.) It makes me nervous. exam in New York and die in New Jersey. I'd have to
GITTEL. Aah. You'd knock them dead. commute. (He sits. GITTEL rises, and marches toward
JERRY. What makes you think so? the kit�hen again; but JERRY catches her wrist, pulls her
GITTEL. (Serenely.) I got my impressions. onto his lap.) Look, look. (He reaches a long arm out to
JERRY. I barely know the traffic laws here. Statutory the couch, catches up one of the legal tomes' and de-
law varies, from state to state, I­ . .
posits it open on GITTEL's thighs. She scowls at the text.)
GITTEL. So what, you could study up. GITTEL. What?
JERRY. (Dryly.) I'm a little old to go back to school. JERRY. This is Clevenger. Civil Practice Act of New
GITTEL. Every day you read in the paper, some York, what I don't know fills this little volume and a
grandma going to NYU, eleven grandchildr�n, seventy library full besides. To take the Bar exam here. For two
years�
JERRY. Do I look like somebody's grandma? I'm not
42 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT II ACT Il TWO FOR THE SEESAW 43
days in this state they lift open the top of your skull and swiftly snatches the phone from her, ready to slam it
stare [Link]- down.) It's Larry/ (JERRY stares at her, lifts the phone
GITTEL. Jerry, you know what I think you got too to his ear, listens, then hands it to her, and walks away.)
much of? Lack of confidence! Hello? ...No, we thought it was the-landlord. So
[Link], great. what's the Y say? ...How much? (JERRY stands star­
GITTEL. I mean ye gods, you were such a popular ing out the window, which is now dark with night;
lawyer in Nevada, what's the difference? GITTEL's eyes are on him.) Well, listen, I can't- ...
JERRY. Nebraska, dear.(He kisses her neck.) No, maybe we'll try Henry Street, but I can't think
[Link], so what's the difference? about it now ... I'm in the middle of eating, Larry,
[Link] a thousand miles. You know you have a I'll call you back later....No, I can't swing the loft
two-fifty smell without that damned soap? yet, but I can't go into all that now.
GITTEL. (Squirms.) Giving me goose-pimples. Jerry,
now I'm talking seri- (JERRY turns her face, kisses her; (She hangs up, and stands over the phone. JERRY leaves
after a moment she comes up for breath.)-ous, how the window; at the table he drains his tumbler of
come you were so popular there if- wine in one swallow, sets it down. They stand silent
JERRY. (Kissing her throat.) I shot in the mid seven- for a moment, GITTEL not taking her eyes from
ties. him.)
GITTEL.(Stares.) Shot what?
JERRY. (Kissing her chin.) Birdies. JERRY. (Curtly.) I'm sorry I shouted.
GITTEL. That made you popular? [Link] did that bitch do to you?
[Link] the butterfly set.(He kisses her mouth; this JERRY. (Rounding.)- Bitch? (Grimly, then.) Marri�d
time she comes up with her eyes closed, takes a breath, me, helped put me through law school, stood by me m
and gives up.) [Link] me, if anyone did or .[Link] was never
[Link], damn you.(She seizes his ears and kisses a bitch, don't call her that again.
him fiercely; Clevenger slides to the ftoor, unnoticed, GITTEL.(Nettled.) That's why you left Nebraska, she
and the kiss goes on. Now the PHONE rings. GITTEL's was so nice?
head comes up. After a second JERRY draws it down with JERRY..I left because I couldn't take being in the same
his hand, but the next ring brings her up scowling at it.) town with her and her fiance.
Phone's ringing. GITTEL. So you ran away.
JERRY. (Lightly.) I don't want the world in. (He [Link] that's what you call starting over from bed-
draws her to him again; it rings again.) rock, yes, I ran away.
GITTEL.I can't! GITTEL. So stop running, it's the Atlantic Ocean
JERRY. (Puts her aside on her feet, gets up, crosses, already.
takes the phone off the hook, drops it to hang and comes [Link] on.e's running now.
back.) Better? [Link]'re running, why can't you talk to bet on
GITTEL. Oh, for Christ sakes. (She ducks past him, the phone?
and picks up the phone, combative.) Yeah, hell o­ JERRY.(Turns to look at her.) Ask it of [Link]'t do
JERRY.(Outraged.) Put down that phone! it for me, ask it of me, perhaps I'll do it for [Link]
[Link] whyn't you call sooner- (JERRY coming you want me to?
44 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT Il ACT II TWO FOR THE SEESAW 45
GITTEL. She's your wife. you why, when a man offers you a hand up you put a
JERRY. Do you want me to? donation into it. Why don't you spit in it? So they use
GITTEL. It's your phone. you and walk out. How many of them have you slept
JERRY. Do you want me to? Yes or no! with on their way through, twenty-five? (He waits.)
G1TTEL. No! Fifty? (GITTEL only stares, now he is inexorable.) Five
JERRY. (A pause.) You want me to work here for hundred? It's not a lark any more, you're not a kid,
Frank Taubman? you're on the edge of a nightmare, and you're all alone.
GITTEL. No. Who cares, but me? Don't spit in my hand, Gittel,
JERRY. What do you want from me? whether you know it or not you need it. And make one
GITTEL. Not a goddam thing. claim, one real claim on a man, he just might surprise
you. (He waits: GITTEL continues to stare, palely, not
(She lights a cigarette, takes a drag. JERRY passing re­ answering. JERRY'S voice is hard:) Do you get my point?
moves it from her lips, and GITTEL, very annoyed, GITTEL. (Shaken.) Sure. (Then she reacts, leap-frog­
shakes another from his pack while he is stubbing ging over her own feelings:) You're a terrific lawyer,
the first out.) what are you bashful about?
JERRY. You didn't understand one word 1-
JERRY. Why do you smoke, you know it's not good for GITTEL. Sure I did, and if I was the jury I'd send me
your stomach. up for five years, no kidding. ( She rises, escaping toward
GITTEL. I'll keep track of my own stomach, we been the kitchen; JERRY catches her wrists.)
together almost thirty years now, we get by! JERRY. I'm not kidding!
(She strikes the match to the new cigarette and JERRY GITTEL. So what do you want? Let go my­
turns. He observes her, not moving a muscle, until JERRY. Need someone!
GITTEL. Let me go, Jerry, you're hurting­
it comes in an outburst.)
JERRY. Need someone!
JERRY. Don't be such a damfool tower of strength! GITTEL. For what? Let go my arms or I'll yell!
GITTEL. What! JERRY. You won't yell. Now you-
JERRY. I'm sick of it too, idiotic act of taking care of GITTEL. Help!
you and your weak stomach. Weak, you're as tough as
wire. (JERRY drops her wrists. She stumbles away from him,
GITTEL. So one of us better be! tears of pain in her eyes, and inspects her wrists.)
JERRY. (Stares at her grimly; when he speaks now it is
level, but unsparing.) And one of us better not be. You JERRY. You little lunatic, someone will come.
don't get by, you only tell yourself lies. From day to day, GITTEL. Nobody'll come, it's New York. (But her
sure, job to job, man to man, you get by. And nothing voice is trembling as she shows her arm.) Look, I'm going
sticks, they take off to Tallahassee. Did you pay his to be all black and blue, you big ape! I ought to get out
train fare? (This is a mock question, but GITTEL's open of here before you slug me.
mouth is a real answer.) My God, you did! You pay the JERRY. Slug you. Is that something you've learned to
freight, and every bum climbs on for a free ride. And expect from your romances?
you never know why the ride is over, do you? I'll tell GITTEL. I expect the worst! When it comes to men I
*
 ACT II
A:CT II TWO FOR TlffiE, SEESAW 47
46 TWO FOR THE SEESAW
to be celibate the rest of my d'ays, w@tddn't do you any
expect the worst! (Now she is struggling against the good....And a year of it in your house didn't do me
tears.) Whyn't you pick up the phone if you're so god­ any good.... (Sardonically.) Oh, I'll be glad to
dam strong? represent you in the divorce. If your; father will represent
[Link] you want me to? me I need a good lawyer to help tiailre him to the clean­
GITTEL.I don't know where I stand here, it's a big ers: .... (Now more irritable:) Oh, tell him to stuff it
question mark, why should I stick my neck out? � up his-safe-deposit box, if I need money I can earn it.
JERRY.(Inexorably.) Do you wa�t me to? . . ...l have a job, I accepted one today.A girl, an apart­
G1TTEL.I will get a job too, what s such a cnme, Just­ me:nt, a job adds up to a life, I'm beginning.... I have
cause I-won't- (And finally the tears come; h�lpless n© intention of c::©ntesting the divorce, tell Lucian he can
with sobs she turns away, trying to keep her weeping as file any time, Flat enter a. voluntary appearance. The
private as she can, and failing.) sooner the better...._ I'm not interested in being friends
JERRY. (Moved.) Gittel, I-shouldn't have said all with you and your fianc€, you'll have to put up with each
that- other.... (Now through his teeth:) Tess, you can't
GITTEL. (Wheeling on him.) All right, all right, I can sink a knife in me and hope to leave a tender afterglow.
scream my head off here and nobody comes, who can I ... (Watching him with the cigarette we see what this
count on besides me? conversation is coming to cost him; he controls himself.
[Link], Gittel. Now weary:) Tess, are you calling me halfway across the
(The PHONE rings. JERRY alone turns his eres �o it; he c©!lllti:[Link] to talk about the furniture? ...If the house
stands unmoving. GITTEL gets her sobbing in hand, ·is haunted burn it, we'll split the insurance.... (GIT­
TEL comes back in to clear what remains on the table..
Now shakily:) I'm not unfeeffng, I don't want to oe,
and waits on his decision. It rings again, and at
last she speaks.)
haunted either, my God, you made a choice, get your
[Link] on you I'll fall in a big hole in hand out of my bowels! ... (GITTEL stiffens at this.
Nevada somewhere. JERRY closes his eyes in pain.) Tess ...Don't ...
Please-plea- (The connection is broken. JERRY looks
(She comes to the table to crush the cigarette, but at the phone, and slowly replaces it; he is drenched in
JERRY stops her hand; he takes the cigarette _from sweat, and sudden tears confuse his eyes; when he lifts
her, goes with it to the phone, and lifts the receiver.) his hand for a prolonged drag,, the cigrzrette is shaking.
He does not look at [Link] reaches with her fingers
[Link]? ...Yes, speaking ... (A pause, while and pinches out each of the candles; the room goes dark
the connection is made; GITTEL stands, and JERRY takes except for the light from the kitchen, GITTEL without a
a much-needed drag. His head comes up with the voice word lies face down on the couch, and does not stir.)
at the (Jther end.) Hello, Tess ... (His own voice starts Gittel. ( GITTEL is silent. JERRY comes to stand above her,
out deliberately casual.) No, I didn'b:are to talk to you puts a hand on her hair; she huddles away.) Gittel, I-
the other times I'm doing it now by special request.
. GITTEL. (Suddenly.) It's no.t what you think!
'
What's that woman's intuition? ...Yes, she 1s.... [Link] is:ra't?
(GITTEt no� moves to clear the dishes fro1!1 the table, GiTTEL. Larry says· the Y wants six hundred and
very quietly; she takes a stack out to the kitc7!en;) Her twenty-five bucks for one night, that's where we been
name's Gittel. . ..I do, very much.. . . I d1dn t plan
'
48 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT II
ACT II TWO FOR THE SEESAW 49
saying we'd give it. I can't even get up sixty-five a kerosene stove in the center of the floor.· Gittel's
month for a lousy loft! (Another silence.) room is empty, the door ajar. JERRY is in his room,
JERRY. (Shakily.) No. Let's look at the sn_ake. (He lying in a spread of legs and legal papers on the
tugs the string to the overhead bulb, and its naked couch, with the telephone receiver tucked at his
LIGHT floods the room. He stands, unsteady.) Gittel. shoulder, in the middle of a conversation.
Turn [Link]. (She lies unmoving.) Look at me!
(She rolls half around now, to face him with her ey�s JERRY ....Yes ....Well, that was the issue in
smouldering.) Don't pretend. It hurts, let me see 1t McCuller [Link] Transfer, if a claimant not the con­
hurts- signee enters- ...That's righ�, they appealed_ and !t
[Link], what? was reserved. This outfit doesn t stand a Chmaman s
[Link] I can--drown in that well.I need you. chance of collecting out there, [Link], I don't­
[Link] what? ...Hm? ...All right: Frank. I don't think we
JERRY. Give me something to hold onto! How do I should even consider a settlement....It's not going
climb out where do I get a-foothold here, who do I out on a [Link] many a lawyer would have a
work for, �hat do I build on? I'm in limbo he�e an? �•� fresh view of things from the end of a limb, I- ...
-shaking [Link] me for something, 1f 1t s Why thank you....No, the surprise is finding my­
only a lousy loft. self �uch an expert here on midwest jurispudence.
GITTEL. ( Keeps her eyes on him for a long moment;
I see what it proves, it proves an expert is a damn fool
then she comes through in kind, almost inaudibly.) Sure a long way from home.... (The PHON_E in GIT:EL's
it hurts.I'll never hear you tell me that. room rings.) No, taking the Bar exam 1s somethmg I
[Link]? need about as badly as a brain operation, what for?
[Link] I got a-hand inside you. ...Why should they admitme to the Bar on mo_tion?
JERRY.(A pause.) Meet me halfway. ...I'm familiar with the procedure, you ·sponsor me
GITTEL. (Presently she smiles, wryly.) You mean we. and I deliver a truckload of Nebraska [Link]
look at that loft, huh? [Link] put out that goddam I can get the affidavits, I'l!l doubtful about the truck.
light will you? (JERRY tugs it out.) C'mere, you­ ... If it saves me taking the Bar exam why not, but
Fren�h fry potato.(He comes, she clasps him ar�un_d the why should you sponsor- ... Full-time. I see....
neck and pulls him down upon her; and they lie in the How much would they pay me?-just to keep it sym­
have�, rack, forcing-bed of each other's arms.)
bolic....6500 what, two-dollar bills? ...Not enough.
CURTAIN Mr.-Frank. If I'm useful to have around full-time
I'm worth at least 7500, and to nail me down will take
eight, so we'd have to begin talking at nine.... (Git­
ACT TWO tel's PHONE rings again.) I might be very serious, I'm
SCENE 2 interested in being nailed down....But not to the
Both rooms. cross, by a Bar [Link] you'll sponsor me on motion
I'll certainly see what affidavits I can dig out of Omaha-
It is several weeks later, no<Tn, a cold December day.
In both rooms the heat is no_w(_ J.n--in Gittel's from a ( GITTEL meanwhile runs in from the hall, to answer her
gas-heater affixed to the wall, in Jerry's from a new phone; she is clad in a nondescript wrap, and we
see lzar counte,na,nce is adorned with a white mus-
50 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT II
AC'l' Il TWO FOR THE SEESAW 51
tache-smear and goatee-dab of bleaching cream. do you think, I'm crazy? Take him home to meet
Her mood is listless.) Momma he'll leave New York in a balloon....You
don't understand-he plays golf, for instance. I never
[Link], hello? ...Oh, Sophie, hiya. ; .. knew anybody personally played golf. . ..Oh, what do
you know ....He's got a lot on the ball! He busts his
JERRY. (Glancing at wrist-watch.) ...Yes, I can
take a cab up..... brains all day over these briefs he's doing, then he comes
GITTEL..... Good thing you called, how long wrn I down the loft and sweeps up for me, what do you think
of that_? ...· Sure ! I made twenty-two bucks on that
supposed to leave this stuff on? I look like a .goddam
Kentucky colonel here... . loft this month, and Molly's got this kids' class she's
JERRY....No, I was going to bring this Wharton going to move in this week....
JERRY. (Consults his watch again; he returns to the
brief in after lunch anyway.... phone and dials, one digit.) Operator, I want to call
GITTEL. ... It itches.... Omaha, Nebraska, Atlantic 5756....
JERRY ....All right, men's grill at the St. Regis,
quarter past.... • . GITTEL. (Dispirited.) ...Yeah' I been working on
my [Link], trying to. ...
GITTEL....What old friend? ...Sam? ... JERRY ....Algonquin 4-6099....
JERRY .... Yes. See you. (He clicks down, again
consults his watch, and dials.)
GITTEL....It's hard to get started again after so
long, you know? ...
GITTEL....What'd you tell him I'm going steady JERRY: ...Call me back, please.(He hangs up, then
for? I mean how do you know ['�m going stready if I don't slowly lifts the letter to his nostrils, in a faraway nos­
know? ...So let me shoo them off.... I don't know
what I sound worried about, I sound worried? ... talgia.)
GITTEL.... Maybe I'll take up golf instead....
JERRY. (Busy .signal.) Come on, Sophie, get off that Sure he talks to her....About the divorce, she won't
damned line. (He hangs up, and without collecting his get off the pot! ...Sophie, I told him talk to her he
things walks out of his fiat.) has to talk with her, ,vhat are you bending my ear ab�ut?
GITTEL....Well, my stomach's been giving me a _
... �oph1e, you're getting me mad....Cause. you're
pain in the behind....No, everything's peachy .... pestermg me! ...So don't be such· a friend be an
Oh, she's going to marry someone else. ...I don't enemy and don't pester me! '
know how I get involved in such a mix-up, aFJ._yway it's
not such a mix-up....No, Wally was different. ... (She hangs up irately, and commences to dial again.
Milton was different....Which Max? ... (She lo- Before she completes the round, JERRY'S PHONE
cates her mug of milk, and takes a swallow.) Look, did
rings; he answers it.)
anybody ever buy me a loft before? ...Yeah, he
used to bring me a [Link], that one still owes me
seventy-two bucks I'll never see [Link] fact is I'm a [Link]? ... All right ....
born victim! Here I am, practically thirty years old, I'm GITTEL. (Busy signal.) Oh, nuts. (She hangs up,
jus� finding it out .... (JERRY returns with a fistful of gathers some clothes, and goes into her back room.)
m_ail, amon? which is a feminine blue envelope; it stops
JERRY....Hi, Ruth, is your boss in? ...Tell him
htm. He discards the others, rips it open and reads it, it's his so�-in-law. The retiring one. ...Thank you,
troubledly.) So wht>'s against going steady? ...What Ruth, I miss you folks too....Hello, Lucian, how are
52 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT II ACT Il TWO FOR THE SEESAW 53
you, don't answer that question. ... (He riioves the [Link] gods, you were just there!
phone out from /tis ear.) No, I have a job, thanks, in fact JERRY.I'm here.
I'm applying for admission to the New York Bar on GITTEL. Oh, Jerry!
motion....Sure, tell [Link] thinks the only feet I JERRY. I called twice. Hasn't Sophie got anything
can stand on are hers.... I'm calling about her. I have better to do than to talk to you?
a letter from her here, it has a [Link] [Link]'s [Link].I called three times' who you been yak-
she doing in [Link]?- ... (He moves the pltone out king with?
from his ear.) Well, it didn't walk down there and mail JERRY.I was talking to Omaha.
itself.I've had a call in to her since Wednesday, there's [Link], again?
nobody in the [Link] did you see her, Lucian? ... JERRY.(After a pause.) What does that mean? I had a
Drives where for three days? ...Just drives? .. . peculiar letter from Tess, she-
I wish you'd spend more time around her, you're better [Link] ask her about the divorce?
than nothing .... I mean your idea of solicitude is a [Link] was Lucian, I didn't get to the divorce.
loud voice, Lucian, just talking to you on the phone is Tess seems sunk, her father says she-
like a workout with dumbells.... (He moves the phone GITTEL. (Hastily.) Jerry, I'm on my way to the loft '
out from his eqr.) Money isn't enough.I have too much I got to hurry, what are you calling me about?
to say on that, though, sometime I'll call you collect. JERRY.I thought you were calling me.
...She's not all right, I can smell it between the lines [Link]?
[Link] mind.I called Lucian because I had to
here....What girl? ...Of course I have a girl here, know what's going on out there, he says Tess has shut
I told Tess so....You mean it's since then she's so-­ herself off from-
...Devastated by what? ...My God, Lucian, I . GIT�EL. (Interrupting.) Jerry, I got to run, you give
waited for a year, a solid year, till I didn't have an ounce me a nng tomorrow.
of self-respect left in me! One ounce, I packed with it. JERRY.(Staring.) What about tonight?
...Is that her word, abandoned? Tell me how I can GITTEL. It's Friday, after the loft I'm going to
abandon another man's bride, I'll come to the wedding. Momma's.
...Lucian, [Link] an eye on her, will you? That's [Link]'s special about Friday?
all I called to say....And give her my best. ( GITTEL [Link] fish, good-bye.
comes out of her back room, dressed for the street. JERRY JERRY. (Protesting.) Hey, we had a dinner- (But
hangs up, collects his topcoat, hat, and brief-case, con­ GI!TEL �angs up. JERRY looks at the empty phone, his
sults his watch, then hurries to dial. GITTEL picks up her voice dying.) -date.
phone, dials, and JERRY gets a busy signal.) Oh, hell.
(After a moment he also hangs up. GITTEL backs away
(He hangs up, and hastens out of his fiat. His PHONE from her phone, while JERRY glances at his watch ·
now rings once, twice, while GITTEL in her room each is reluctant to leave. GITTEL halts ]ERR;
stares at her phone with mounting indignation. On hesifates ove � his phone, both are tempted to try
the third ring JERRY comes running back in, and again; but neither does. After a melancholy moment
grabs up his phone just in time to hear GITTEL ad­ they turn and leave, in opposite directions.)
dressing hers:) CURTAIN
54 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT Il ACT II TWO FOR THE SEESAW 55
ACT TWO still in the lock, and draws it out; it is this sound that
brings GITTEL up on her elbow, startled, apprehensive.)
SCENE 3 Oh! Hiya, Jerry. Where'd you blow in from? (JERRY
regards her, his manner is heavy and grim, and hers
Gittel's room. turns light.) How was your party, have a good time?
[Link] as good as [Link] you drunk, at least?
It is February now, a Saturday night, late. Both �ooms GITTEL. (With a giggle.) I had a couple, yeah.I had
are dark, and the <!;LOW of the city plays in the this terrible thirst all night, you know, I didn't stop to
snowy night outside the windows. For a momen_t think.I mean think to stop.
there is no movement in either room.' Then there is JERRY. (Drops the key in her purse, tosses it on the
the sound of a KEY at Gittel's and the door swings bed, and closes the door; he walks to the window, silent,
open. GITTEL is silhouetted in the doorway,alone and where he leans against the casing, not removing his hat.
motionless, resting against the jamb from brow _to Then.) Let's get it over with, who was the wrestler?
pelvis; then she pushes away, and comes unst�adily [Link] wrestler?
in. There is a sprinkling of snow on her hair and JERRY. The fat-necked one who brought you home
overcoat� She lets her purse drop on the floor, just now.
weaves her way around the bed without light ex­ [Link]? (She sits up.) He's not a wrestler, he's
cept from the hall, and in the kitchen gets herself a a very modern painter.
glass of water at the sink; she drinks it, fills another, [Link]'s why you kiss him good night, you're a
brings it in, and sits on the bed, with head bowed patroness of the arts?
in her hand. After a moment she reaches to cliek, on GITTEL.(Staring.) Where were you?
the LAMP, takes up her address-book, and searches [Link] jump behind [Link] more ways than one.
for a number. She dials it, and waits; when she GITTEL.I didn't kiss him, he kissed [Link]'t you go
speaks her voice is tired and tipsy. to Frank Taubman's party- (She pushes herself to her
feet, changes her mind, and sits again, shivering.) Light
[Link]. Segen there? .,. .I'm calling, who are the gas, will you, honey, · I'm awful cold.
you? I mean are you really there or are you one of
these answering nuisances? ...So can you reach Dr. (JERRY after a moment takes out matches, and kneels to
Segen for me? ...Yeah, i_t's an em;rge��Y- ... Git!el the GAS-HEATER. When it comes on, it illuminates
Mosca, I used to be a patient of his, '\fol you tell him GrTTEL drinking the glass of water in one gulp;
I'm very sick? ... Canal 6-2098 ....Thanks. (Ske JERRY rising sees her, and comes over to grip her
gets rid of the phone, and still in her overcoat, drops wrist.)
back onto the bed. The LAMPLIGHT is in ker eyes,
and she puts up a fumbling hand to click it off. She lier [Link]'ve drunk enough.
in the dark, an arm over her face. After a second JERRY [Link]'s water! (JERRY pries her fingers loose, and
in top-coat and hat comes silently up, around the ban­ tastes it. He gives it back. GITTEL grins.) What's the
nister in the hall, and into the doorway, where he stands. matter, you don't trust me?
The snow has accumulated thickly on him. He sees [Link] you. You were in his cellar in Bleecker
GITTEL's purse on the floor, picks it up, sees the key Street for an hour.
 TWO FOR THE SEESAW A-CT II ACT II TWO FOR THE SEESAW 57
56
JERRY. Maybe. Of this world. (But he can't hold the
GITTEL. (Staring.) How do you know? anger in, he smacks the glass off the night-table and is on
JERRY. What was he showing you, great paintings,
great wrestling holds, what? ( GITTEL does not answer, his feet, bewildered and savage, to confront her.) Why?
and JERRY yanks on the LAMP, sits opposite her on the Why?
bed, and turns her face into the light.) What? GITTEL. (Wearily.) What's it matter?
JERRY. It matters because · I'm at a crossroads and
(She only reads his eyes and JERRY reads hers, a long which way I send my life packing turns on you! And so
moment in which she might almost cry on his are you, you want to watch your life float down the sewer
shoulder, but she ends it with a rueful little snigger.) out to sea? You care so Iittle?
GITTEL. I don't know, I­
JERRY. For me?
GITTEL. So what do you see, your fortune? GITTEL. Oh, Jerry, I­
JERRY. Yours. And not one I want to see. You look JERRY. For yourself?
trampled, is that what you're in training to be? GITTEL. Myself, [Link] other things to worry­
GITTEL. (Irked.) Ye gods, l had about six drinks, you JERRY. Why did you want to?
think I'm ruined for life? GrTTEL. I don't know why! Anyway who said I did?
JERRY. I don't mean anything so wholesome as drink. JERRY. (Glaring at her.) You'll drive me to drink. Did
You slept with him, didn't you? you or didn't you?
GITTEL. Whyn't you take off your hat and stay awhile? GITTEL. Well, he may of slept �th me' but I didn' t
(She pushes his hat back from his eyes, then touches sleep with him.
his temple and cheek.) Poor Jerry, you-
JERRY. (Puts her hand down.) You slept with him. . JERRY., (Stares at her, tight-lipped for patience.) AU
nght, let s go back. Why did you go home with him?
GITTEL. You want to cry? I want to cry. GITTEL. It's a long story, I used to go with Jake two
JERRY. (Grimly.) Differences aren't soluble in tears, three years ago--
this city would be one flat mudpie. Did you sleep with JERRY. Not that far back. Get to tonight.
him? GITTEL. So tonight I had a couple of drinks too many'
GITTEL. (But she rolls away into a pillow, her back to I guess it was-just a case of old lang syne .
him.) We both know I'm dumb, whyn't you talk plain JERRY. Old lang syne-
words a normal dumb person could understand? GITTEL. You know.
JERRY. How plain, one syllable? ]ERR_¥. Yes, I'm an expert in it, especially tonight.
GrTTEL. Yeah. Why did you drink?
JERRY. Fine. Did he lay you? (GITTEL lies averted in
silence, her eyes open.) I asked did he- GrTTEL. (Bored.) You're supposed to be at the Taub-
GITTEL. So what if he did, that's the end of the world? man's having a good time.
JERRY. Is that why?
( NOU! she does rise, to get away from him, though she is GITTEL. Nah, who wantsfto go there, for God's sake?
wobbly, and soon drops into a chair. JERRY puts his JERRY. I went about this trouble with the affidavits I
fingers to his eyes, and remains on the bed; it takes left a� soon as I could to pick you up at Sophie's, y�u
him time to come to terms with this.) were Just coming out with him giggling like a pony.
 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT II
ACT II TWO FOR THE SEESAW 59
58
a sigh.) All right. All right, it can wait till tomorrow.
GrTTEL. (Indignantly.) I was plastered, I said so, you We'll battle it out when you're on your feet.
want a written confession?
JERRY. You don't get plastered and flush "'!-s ?o:'n t�e (He drops his hat on a chair, comes over to the bed,
drain for no reason, and Taubman's p�rty 1sn t ,1t. I m kneels and begins untying her shoes. 'Phis kindness
after the- (She gets up wearily, again t? move_ away sends GrTTEL off into a misery, her shoulders quiver,
from him.) Don't walk away from me! I m talkmg to and she whimpers.)
you. .
GITTEL. So go ahead, talk. Lawyers, boy. . . GITTEL. Oh, Jerry­
JERRY. Because when something happens to m� twice JERRY. What's the matter?
I like to know why. I'm after the reason, what did I do GITTEL. You don't like me any more.
this time what's your complaint? JERRY. I hate you, isn't that passionate enough? Turn
GITTE{_ Who's complaining? You are! over. (GITTEL turns over, and he starts to unbutton her
JERRY. My God, I have no right? overcoat; her hands come up, his ignore them.)
GITTEL. Don't get off the subject. GITTEL. I can do it.
JERRY. It's the subject, I'm talking abo�t you and me. JERRY. It's a huge favor, have the grace not to, hm?
GrTTEL. Well, I'm talking about your wife! GITTEL. (Desisting.) You don't hate me.
JERRY. I wouldn't say so.
(A silence. GrTTEL walks, rubbing her stomach with the GITTEL. You just feel sorry for me.
heel of her hand. JERRY quiets down, then.) JERRY. What makes you think you're so pathetic? Pull.
GITTEL. (Freeing one arm.) Ever saw me dancing
JERRY. All right, let's talk about her. She's interested around that loft, boy, you'd think I was pathetic. I been
in you too I feel like an intercom. What about her? sitting on that goddam floor so many hours I'm getting a
GITTEL.' I saw your last month's phone bill. Omaha callus, I wait for ideas to show up like I'm-marooned
Neb 9.81, Omaha Neb 12.63-Whyn t you tell me you or something. So the dawn came, after all these years, you
were the world's champion talkers? . know what's wrong?
JERRY. I like to keep in touch, Gittel, she, s havmg a JERRY. (Pausing, gently.) You're not a dancer?
very rough time. GITTEL. (Staring.) How'd you know?
'GITTEL. So who isn't? I got a headache, lemme alo�e. JERRY. I didn't. I meant that loft as a help, not just
JERRY. What's your case, I'm unfaithf� l to you with to puncture a bubble.
my wife over the phon;, i�'s the p_hone bill pushes you GITTEL. So if I'm not a dancer, what am I?
into bed with this what s-h1s-name Jerk? JERRY. Is that why you got crocked? Turn over.
GITTEL. Jake. (GITTEL turns back over, and he slips the coat from her
.
JERRY. Jerk! It could be you're pushing me mto Grand other arm and off; he begins to unbutton her blouse in
Central for a ticket back, has that thought struck you? hack.) Will you drink coffee if I make some?
Is that what you want, to cut me loose? So you can try GrTTEL. (Shuddering.) No.
anything in pants in New York you've overlook- (B'!'t }ERR�. Or an emetic? Get the stuff off your stomach?
GrTTEL has ftooped across the bed, face down, <;nd lies GITTEL. You mean vomit.?
still and miserable. JERRY contemplates her,_ his an�er JERRY. Yes.
going, compassion .coming, until he resigns himself with
 60 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT II ACT II TWO FOR THE SEESAW 61
GITTEL. (Breaking away jrom hi� fingers in a sudden JERRY. I can't put it off till tomorrow.
vexation, she rolls up to glare at his face.) Why we al­
ways talking about my stomach? I got no other char�s? (He catches up a newspaper and rolls it in his hands as
(JERRY reaches again.) Get away! ( She pulls the s,,i!l­ he paces, grimly. GrTTEL kneels up on the bed and
buttoned blouse over her head, gets stuck, and struggtes regards him.)
blindly.) . .
. JERRY. (Compassionately.) G1ttel. _(His hands come GITTEL. What's ailing you?
again, but when she feels them she kicks out fiercely at JERRY. I have to talk. I called home today.
him.) GITTEL. So what'd she say for herself this time?
GITTEL (Muffled.) I don't want your goddam favers! JERRY. I didn't talk to her. ( IIe paces.) I can't get the
court affidavits I need there unless I ask her father to
(One of her kicks lands in his thigh, and stops him. pull strings for me. I called to ask, and couldn't get my
GITTEL then yanks the blouse off with a rip, slings tongue in the old groove.
it anywhere which happens to be at him, drags the GrTTEL. So hooray.
coat over h;r head on her way down, and lies still. JERRY. Yes, hooray. It means the Appellate Division
A silence.) here won't admit me, on motion. I want my day in court.
I've got to get out from behind that pile of books into a
JERRY. (Then.) I'm sorry you don't. I coul� use _it. courtroom, and I'm at a dead end here. With one way
(He retrieves the blouse, draws the sleeves r�ght-side out, the March Bar exam.
out, and hangs it over a chair, then stands regarding her.) GITTEL. So take it.
That's how you intend to sleep it off?. ( GITTEL u_n1er JERRY. I'm scared. I've been under Lucian's wing all
the coat neither moves nor answers.) G1ttel? (Again no my professional life, I'm not sure myself what's in my
answer.) You want me to stay or go? (After a wait JERRY skull besides his coattails, if I take that exam I'm putting
walks to his hat, picks it up.) Go. (He looks at the gas­ everything I am in the scales. If I flunk it, what?
heater, pauses.) Shall I leave the gas on? (No response GITTEL. What else can you do?
from under GrTTEL's coat.) Yes. You need me for any­
JERRY. (Slowly.) I can live where I am a member of
thing? (He waits.) No. Of course not.
the Bar.
(Presently he puts the LAMP out, walks around the bed GIT/rEL. ( Stares at him, and neither moves; then she
to the door, and opens it. But he stands. Then he sits bq,ck on her heels. Unbelieving.) You want to go
bangs it shut again, throws h�s hat back at t�e back. (The PHONE rings. GITTEL glances at it with
chair and walks in again after it. GITTEL then sits sharp nervousness, knowing who· it is, then back at
up to see the closed door, and gives a wail of aban­ JERRY.) Go on.
donment.) JERRY. Answer it.
GITTEL. No. Go on. (It rings again, and JERRY walks
GITTEL. Jerry-Jerry- to it, the roll of newspaper in his hand.) Let it ring!
JERRY. (Behind her.) What? . I won't talk to anybody.
GITTEL. (Rolls around, to see him staring out the
window. Indignant.) What are you still here? (Her alarmed veltemence stops JERRY, he stares at her.
62 TWO FOR THE SEESAW . ACT II ACT II TWO FOR THE SEESAW
The PHONE rings a Jew times throughout the fol- 63
leaps up with the roll of newspap
lowing, then ceases.) across the side of the head, it kno er to crack her
and the bottle of tablets flies outcks her off balance
JERRY. (Sharply.) Who is it, this late, h im? shower; she falls on the
of her hand in a
GITTEL. I don't know. S0 You going or not? bed.)
JERRY. (A ngered. ) Why not? I can make three times . JERRY. (Furious.) That's not
the money I earn h er,e, t o do the work I'm starved for, it tell the truth, once/ ( GrTTEL holall I mean to you! Now
tempts me and whats so tem tin g here Jake? Beat my ing her eyes from him. JERRY the ds her cheek, never tak­
head against a Bar exam when. I'm building here on and picks up the tablets and bot n look s around, stoops
what, Jake, kicks in th e belly, qmcksand.? what it is. He goes into the kitc tle, rea ds the label, sees
into the mug, and brings it bac hen . He pou rs her milk
(GITTEL offers no anfwer_. He turns back to the window. mug, which GrTTEL takes, still stark in. He han ds her the
GITTEL now digs in her purse for a bottle of he weig,hs the tablets in his pal ing at hi s face while
m.) How many?
banthine tablets.) GITTEL. Two. (JERRY gives
them with a mouthful of [Link] two, and she swallows
GITTEL. W:h t d thi k I'm up to my neck in He replaces the others in
not qmc�san�/(�he ;oes out into the kitchen,
the bottle.)
h ere,
JERRY. If your stomach's bothering
where she put s on the l"ight and sets a pot of milk up to go to a doctor? you, why don't you
warm.) GrTTEL. What do I want to go
JERRY. _(Tur'!s aft_er her.) All right then tell me that! me don't have emotions. to the doctor? He tells
If some thmg sti<;ks m y r [Link] �u can' t spit it out? JERRY. (Screws the cap bac
It's so. much quicker to o;op m wit{ .·
the first gorilla you the bed, and regards her.) Hok on the bottle, tosses it on
meet mstead?. How dare you treat yourseIf like w bad is it?
. a hand­ GITTEL. It's not bad!
me-down snotrag _an b m c n blow his nose m? JERRY. Did I hurt you?
GITTEL. (She !s s\a ien ;y this. but she avoids him GITTEL. Sure you h urt me. W
hat do you thin
h ead's made, out of
tin? (She waits.) You didn'tk my
and comes bacfe in, cool as metal, �nscrewing her bottle
of tablets.) Okay. When? you're sorry. say
JERRY. When what? . ? JERRY. You had it coming. Di
GITTEL. When_ you gm . dn't you?
GITTEL. Sure.
JERRY. (Heavily.) L oo�• Don 't rush me off to Talla­ JERRY. I'm sorry.
. see. I don' t turn loose so easy.
h as
[Link]. (Now takes a sip of mil
GITTEL. Well, I got to make my plans. [Link] iike a child; then she looks k, holding it in both
JERRY What plans, now? You see? I said you'd slug me andup at him with a grin.)
GITTE�. (Unconcernedly.) I'll _probab.1 h- ok up with JERRY. Makes you so happy I'll you did.
Jake again: He's got a lot _to give a g1r� ' I� you know GrTTEL. (Ruefully.) Who's happ oblige every hour.
what I mean, you'd be surprised. (She explores her cheek, tentati y? Boy, what a smack.
Okay, so you're not going! (She eye vely, with one palm.)
JERRY stands like a statue, GITTEL. with a n�t un­ JERRY turns away from her.) s him cheerfully, but
( malicious twinkle gazing back at him. Then his arm JERRY. I didn't finish. (He stands
at the window, te
 ACT II TWO FOR THE SEESAW 65
TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT ll i
n. me n , Jerry. No. Cause I knew all the t me you had
I� I n t h e � ack of your head to--prove something to her­
64
gaze down at the street.) Now the she divorce plea is in,
ks won't remarry. JERRY. To myself.
Tess is in a-tailspin. Lucian thin bein g hit, and she can GITTEL. To her. Everything you gave me was to show
GITTEL. (This is worse tha n
Oh, brot her. You stand a er, y u couldn't wait for a goddam letter to get to her
��t
only sit and stare. At last .) �o w �en you-ask me to--hand
myself over on
chance? head, suddenly t has endeavored to be dispassionate, bu�
JERRY. Maybe. (But he shakes his wha t or where I ��� �� is
wretched at the window:) I don't knowahead, am I com­
ng up to a huge accusatory outcry:) For
t's what? For what ? What'll I get? Jake I pay a enn
stand, what to put behind me, wha a e y y but Y°u , you're a�big ten-bufk b�
ing or going, so help me, I- !�� afi ;,� g�:�� the ce 1 1 ophanel You short-change p
lders together,
(He breaks it off. GITTEL hugs her shouto find despera­
pl � ;Jrr:/ _(JERRY takes this indictment moveless
ro k
ZZ;
E h�gs he;self, tense, wditing
she is cold; it takes her a moment till sh: �aa;r:z:�Je;;r�:{/) �n that s the truth. That's
tion enough to try to go [Link] the edge.) what you did this time.
truth. I___.:..
GITTEL. All right, Jerry, I'll tell you the ght and Jake,-
(She looks for where to begi n.) Abo ut toni (A silence. She waits upon him, intent, still tense so
Only I don't fit
1-did want to go to Frank Taubman's. ;uch kangs on this; while he absorbs it painfully in
in with your classy friends. Like she would.
is entire anatomy.)
JERRY. (Turns and looks at her.) What? w? (She is JERRY. (Then) You mean I want a-complete sur-
GrTTEL. What do you think, I don't kno makes herself render. And don't give one.
hugging herself, shivering a little as she GITTEL. Yeah. Is that all I said?
all I am is what
more naked, but trying to smile.) I mean es on my RRY. (Closes his eyes on her.) This time. And last
brac
I am. Like Wally, he wanted me to get of buck teeth, ·
le tiJ! too. Because I short-changed her also didn't I?
p
teeth, I said so face it, I got a cou_ you got to .take GITTEL. ( Desperate ) I'm n t t ll . g about
' her now,
what did I keep it, sttch a secret? I said that's exactly what I'� talking°ab:u;t
me the way I am, I got these teeth. 't you know that?
JERRY. You're a beautiful girl. Don you been think- (But it takes JERRY unhearing away from her to the
.
GrTTEL. But I'm not her. And she's all bureau, -averted. GITTEL gives up, . sits,
. slaps her
ing about since the minute we met. chair' and puts her head in her hands.)
JERRY. No.
penny candy.
GITTEL. Yes. So what's Jake, a-piece of to neck in the . �E�Y. It's true. God help me, it's true, half of me
It's like when I was a kid, we used ys in the vesti­ 1sn t m this town.
vestibule, she's inside you and I'm alway, but then you GrTTEL. So I tried Jake.
bule! You never gave me a chance. Oka, who has to say JERRY. Of course.
say need you . I need you, I need you rises to confront
GITTEL. Okay, a snotrag. So we're both flops
everything in black and white? (Sheinto her stomach.) !ERl:· Both? (And presently he nods. But when he
him, pressing the heel of her hand and said jump
tu ns is gaze to her, and takes in her forlorn figure, his
But if you want I should of just laid down
66 TWO FOR 1.'IIE SEESAW ACT ll ACT II TWO FOR THE SEESAW 57
eyes moisten.) No. Not altogether. (He comes to stand GI�T EL.
behind her· she does not lift her head.) All these months _ It's why I was so thirsty, I'm-scared, Jerry,
this time I , m scared to be bleeding-
I've been telling you one thing, infant, you live wrol)g. JERRY. Gittel! (He runs back in, to grip
I wanted to make you over. Now I'll tell yeu the oth�r the arms; she leans on him.) her up by
thing, how you live right: (He g_azes dow� at h�r hair, GrTTEL. Help me, Jerry!
moves his hand to touch it, refrains.) You re a gift. Not ]ERRY. (Stricken.) Who's your doc
a flop a gift. Out of the blue. God knows there aren't tor?
G�TTEL. It's all right, you just got to
many 'like you so when he makes one it's for many poor hospitai- get me to the
buggers. Me a.:riong many. (He shakes his head, slowly) ]ERRY. Who's your doctor?
The men don't matter. I promise you, the men don t GITTEL. Segen. In my book, it was him
matter. If they use you and walk out, they walk out want you to know- calling, I didn't
with something of you, in them, that helps. Forget them, . ]ERRY. You lunatic. Lie
not one of them has dirtied you. Not one has possessed _ down, you--crazy, crazy­
mtwit- (He turns her to the bed where she lies
you, nobody's even gotten close. I said a b_eautiful gfrl, down·
I didn't mean skin deep, there you, re a delight. Anyone
]ERRY sits with her, and looks j;r
book.) the num ber in he;
can see. And underneath is a street-brawler. That some GITTE L. (Weeping.) Jerry, don't hat
can see. But under the street-brawler is something as JERRY. Why didn't you tell me? e my guts.
fresh and crazy and timid as a colt, and virginal. No _GITTE L. I didn't want to trap you-trap you in any
one's been there, not even me. And why you lock them thmg you- �
out is-not my business. (He finds his hat, stands with ]ERRY. Trap me? Trap me?
it, not looking at her now.) What you've given me i:s­ GITTEL. I hate my goddam guts, I'm
something I can make out with, from here on. And mo�e. don't leave- so ashamed ' but
More. But what I've given you has been-What? A gift JERRY. Oh God, shut up, you-luna
of me but half of it's a fraud, and it puts you in bed GITTEL. Don't leave me, don't leav tic girl­
with bums That colt needs an unstinting hand, infant. JERRY. I'm no� leaving! (He finds ethe me-
number, bends
Not Jake: not me. (He walks to the_ do01:, opens i�, to �er face on hts knee.) I'm her
e, infant. Take it easy,
pauses, looking for a final word, and gives it across his can t you see I'm here? (He kiss
shoulder.) I love your buck teeth. mences to dial with his free han es her· then he com­
d, GrTT�L pressing the
other to her cheek.)
(After a moment he starts out, and GITTEL's head comes
up. JERRY is on the stairs when she stumbles _around END OF ACT TWO
her chair, and cries out the doorway after him.)

GITTEL. Jerry! Don't go! (JERRY halt�, n?t turn�ng.)

The main thing / did in Jake's was-famt m the John.
That's when I found I- (Her voice breaks, the tremor
in it is out as a sob.) I'm bleeding, Jerry!
JERRY. (Wheels on the stairs.) What!
 ACT III TWO FOR THE SEESAW 69
(She dials him out, and gets some MUSIC elsewhere;
ACT THREE but she is in no mood to listen, and clicks it off
altogether. She then opens the book again, and
SCENE 1 scowls with an effort of concentration over the page.
But she heaves a gloomy sigh, and the book im­
mediately afterwards: it hits the floor and almost
Gittel's room.
hits a flinching JERRY, who is opening the door with
It is March now, midday, sunny and warm. Jerry's room his foot, his arms laden with law-books and gro­
has an unused look--the window is closed and the ceries, his topcoat over his shoulder, his hat back on
shade pulled down, a pillow in its bare ticking lies his head. GITTEL brightens at once.)
on the couch, the curtain drawn back on the clothe_s­
closet corner reveals chiefly empty hangers. In Gzt­ JERRY. Hold your fire, I'm unarmed!
tel's room the window is open and the SUNLIGHT GITTEL. Jerry, honey, I thought you'd never be home.
streams in. The furniture has been _ rearrang�d. JERRY. (Bends to kiss her, then drops his law-books
Jerry's suitcase is in a corner. The sewing-machine and coat and a gift box on the table. Throughout the
and dress-dummy are gone, and in their plqce is a scene he attends to a variety of chores in an unpausing
table littered with law-books, mimeographed sheets flo'!V, without leisure really to stop once; he is in some­
and syllabuses, notebooks, pencils in a jar, a desk­ thing of a fever of good spirits. He indicates the gift
lamp Jerry's portable typewriter, a coffee-cup, a box.) I came home a roundabout way, to brino- you
dirty' plate or two, a saucer full of butts. !�e night­ something from China. Though they met me mor: than
table by Gittel's bed has become � med�cine-table, halfway.
studded with bottles and glasses, including one of GITTEL. You don't have to bring presents.
milk· a new and more expensive RADIO is also on JERRY. After lunch. I got in a tangle with old Kruger
it, playing softly. GITTE.L herself
_ in a cotton nig�t­ on this Lever contract, I have to be back by one. (He
gown is in the bed, pale, thin, and glu7!1'· She lies bears the groceries out to the kitchen.)
with her head turned to gaze out the window. The GITTEL. (Darkly.) That's two minutes ago.
hefty book she has been frying to read_ rests on h_er JERRY. Yes, if I hurry I'll be late. I had a great morn­
lap, her finger in it, and she is not hearing the radio, ing though, I bore down on the old barracuda and he
until the MUSIC stops and the ANNOUNCER only opened his mouth like a goldfish. All those barra­
begins, cheerfully. What he has to say is that_ this cudas seem to be shrinking, lately, must be the humidity.
is WQXR, the radio station of the New Yo�k Times, What kind of morning you haye?
7
to be fully informed read the New ork Times, _and GITTEL. So so.
JERRY. (Not approving.) Just lay here?
wouldn't she like to have the New York Times
delivered every morning before breakfast so she GITTEL. I almost got up to go to the john,
could enjoy its world-wide coverage while sipping JERRY. Ah, that will be the day, won't it?
her coffee, join the. really smart people who- GITTEL. Yeah. Be in all the newsreels. (JERRY in
silence in the kitchen lights the oven, unwraps a small
GITTEL. (Disgusted.) Aah, shut up, what do you know. steak, .slides it under the broiler.) I'll try for th l" john
68 tomorrow, Jerry, I'm pretty wobbly.
 TWO FOR THE SEESAW
ACT nr TWO FOR THE SEESAW 71
70 ACT ill
the gas stove. Clerk of the District Court Omaha­
JERRY. What do you expect the first time, to climb ( But _this one stops him short. He carries it 'away
Mount Everest? her, rips _ from
it open, unfolds a legal document, in blue back
GITTEL. (A pause.) That's what they go up there for? ing distinctive enough to be remembered later ­
(She gazes out the open window, while JERRY opens a at it.)
. ' and stares
can of potatoes, and dumps them i� a pot to warm.) GITTEL. Anything?
You know where I'd like to be this mmute? JERRY. (A silence.) Legal stuff. Coming out of my
JERRY In bed, or you'd be out of it. ears
these days, I- (He finds it difficult to lift his eyes from
GITTE�. Central Park. On the grass. I don't get c1:ny it, it takes him an effort, but he drops
docu
use out of Central Park, you know? Specially a d� y hke
. envelope on the table an� ets back into stridment and
before I forget. (From his ;acket he brings a checkHere,
this I mean here spring isn't even here and sprmg IS here. g_ e.)
J�RRY. ( Comes back in, unknotting his tie, en route to and over to GITTEL.) I let Molly's class in out
the bureau to rummage in its drawers.) I'll make you a the loft, she
gave me a check for you. She'll leave the key
proposition, will you shoot for the stairs by Friday after­ door, I'll pick it up before cram-school. over the
noon? GITTEL. Gee, Jerry, you shouldn't take time
GITTEL. (Uneasily.) Why? takes his hand as well as the check, and . (She
JERRY. I called Dr. Segen again this morning, he _ puts her cheek
to it.) You're okay.
emphatically recommended a cha3!-ge of venue. I'l_l t31-ke JERRY. It's your money I'm after, infant.
you to Central Park in a cab Friday afternoon, IS 1t a GITTEL. (Brightly.) Yeah, it pays to be
date? capitalist, huh? Lay here, it just rolls in. a big fat
GITTEL. What's Friday afternoon? JERRY. (Stooping.) And this rolls out. Get
JERRY. The exa ·m's over, I'd like to collapse i� Central or forever hold your peas. (He comes up with aup today
Park myself. Be down to get you in a taxi, honey, from under the bed, and bears it into the bedpan
straight from the Bar exam. Date? while GITTEL stares.)
back room,
GITTEL. (Evading it.) One thing I'll be glad when
that exam's over, maybe you'll stop running long enough GITTEL. Hey, what's the- My God, I lost a
quart of
to say hello. blood!
JERRY. (Obliges, with a smile.) Hello. Date? JERRY. I bought you three pints, that's a hand
GITTEL. (Scowling.) I just sit on the edge here, I feel enough profit. Capitalists who aren't satisfied with some
like my stomach's a--cracked egg or something. I don't per cent end up in the federal hoosegow. (On his fifty way
want any more leaks. back he picks up the book and a mimeogra
. . phed exam­
JERRY. (Gives her a severe eye wltile, h� hangs �is sheet that has fallen out of it.) What are you
doing with ·
jacket over a chair and takes a batch of mail out of i�s this exam, boning up for me?
pocket.) Doctor says if you don't get out of bed this GITTEL. Just looking.
week all your. blood will rust. I really couldn't afford JERRY. (Scanning.) '53, I'll have to go through
one tonight. (He drops the novel and exam-sheet back this
that hello I didn't have a minute yet to look into who's
writing m� what here. (He hurries througft the envelopes, on the bed, strips to the waist, now at last
removes his
discarding them one by one onto the bed.) , H�rper's hat and sets it on the desk-lamp, and colle
cts the dirty
wants me to buy their complete works, haven t time to plates and saucer of butts, while GITTEL watches
read why. Hospital bil11 ouch. Smoke it after dinner, on him.)
72 TWO FOR THE .SEESAW ACT ID
GITTEL. When you going to get some sleep? You're
ACT III TWO FOR THE SEESAW 73
getting skinny 1 GITTEL. (Low.) What's the percentage?
JERRY. Muscle, I'm all muscle these days. And th� t JERRY. (Opening a drawer frowns. He then takes out a
reminds me, if you don't get off your rear end soon I 11 laundered shirt, removes the cardboard, and slips into
be advertising in the Sunbathers Gazette for one that the shirt.) The percentage is one· hundred.
works. (He bears the plates into the kitchen, where he GITTEL. I don't mean to get better, I mean-
next opens the oven and turns the steak over.) JERRY. I know what you mean. When I said I'd like
GITTEL. (Scowling.) Mine works. to look out for you what do you think I meant, a thirty­
JERRY. Unemployed. You think unemployed insurance day option? (Buttoning his shirt he goes back into the
can go on in perpetuity? kitchen, where he turns the potatoes off and puts a plate
in the oven to warm.) You ready for lunch?
( This is only kidding, while he proceeds to splas_h w� ter GITTEL. You eat already?
into his face at the sink; but GITTEL starin_g into JERRY. I'll have to take a sandwich into the office.
the future is so despondent she has to shake it off.) You wouldn't care to spring to your feet and run around
the plate three times, work up an appetite? (He waits on
GITTEL. So when have you got any time, now? her in the doorway; she does not meet his eyes.)
JERRY. Three-thirty Friday after the battle, mother. GITTEL. I got an appetite.
Date? JERRY. Ahm. (Presently he turns back into the
GITTEL. In Central Park? kitchen, where he prepares a tray-tumbler of milk,
JERRY. (Not hearing.) And at your service, from then paper napkin, silverware, and the meal on a plate.)
on in. GITTEL. You ought to have more than a sandwich,
GITTEL. (Glumly.) For how long? Jerry, you get sick too we'll really be up the goddam
JERRY. Hey? creek. Get a malted, too, huh? And tell him make it a
GITTEL. I said. for how long. guggle-muggle while he's at it.
JERRY. Can't hear you. (He turns off the water and JERRY. A what?
co;nes in, drying his face with a towel.) Hm? GITTEL. It's with a beat up egg. I mean two whole
GITTEL. I said I love you. (JERRY stands absolutely days of exam, you got to keep your strength up for those
still for a long moment. Then GITTEL lowers her eyes.) cruds.
Hell, I don't have to say it, do I? You know it. JERRY. (Brings in the tray, and places it on her lap
JERRY. (Gently.) Yes. in bed.) The condemned man ate a hearty guggle-muggle
GITTEL. I'll try not to say it too often. Twice a week. and lived another thirty-four years. I don't intend to get
JERRY. You can't say it too often, it's part of my new sick, infant, even to get you up. (He collects papers and
muscle. books on the table, slipping them into his briefcase, and
GITTEL. Maybe getting sick was the biggest favor I pauses over the legal document he has dropped there; he
ever did you, huh? takes it up, and with his back to GITTEL reads it again,
JERRY. I think we can manage without. The big favor grimly.)
is to get back on your feet, Gittel. ( GITTEL's eyes are GITTEL. Jerry.
down. JERRY glances at his watch, bends to kiss her JERRY. Yes.
cheek, and crosses to the bureau.) GITTEL. (Painfully.) I'm not just taking advnntar; ,
you know, I'm-I mean since you been living h r • I'm
 ACT lil TWO FOR THE SEESAW 75
TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT nr
74 GITTEL. Why, what's it say? (Her eyes widen.) Get
Nobody ever took care of me so good, it sort of weakens a new tenant! Huh?
your will-power, you know? JERRY. See for yourself...
JERRY. (Looks over his shoulder at her, then back GITTEL. You'll move the neckties in for keeps?
to the document; he is deliberating between them.) JERRY. See for yourself. (From across the room he
Strengthens mine. holds the bed-jacket ready for her, the letter poking out
GITTEL. I mean I'm kind of in the habit of-seeing prominently.)
your neckties around, now. I'll miss them. GITTEL. (Reproachfully.) Jerry.
JERRY. (A silence, JERRY weighing the document and JERRY. Come and get it.
something else, much heavier, in himself. Then.) W�y GITTEL. (Reproachfully.) Jerry, I got to be on my
do you think I'm taking this B�� exam, you boob, to lift feet to get you?
legal dumbbells? I intend to hve here, ""'.ork here, be JERRY. Maybe. Better find out, hm? (GITTEL shakes
used. Lot of my life I've been cold from bemg unused. her head.) Is it so out of the question that I want to
GITTEL. I'm scared of afterwards, Jerry. keep the goddam neckties here? Come on. (GITTEL just
JERRY. What's afterwards? gazes at him, her eyes moist.) Come. Come and get it.
GITTEL. I get up out of here, all the goddam neckties (GITTEL puts the tray aside, moves her legs to the edge,
go back to your place. I'm scared to--live alone, again. and sits still.) Come on, honey.
Now. GITTEL. (Stands, unsteady for a moment, then moves
JERRY. (Stands for a long moment wit_h �he do�ume_nt. toward him, afraid of her belly, afraid of her legs, the
Then abruptly and decisively he wads it into his brief­ progress of someone who hasn't walked in a month; but
case, sits, thrusts books and papers away to clear space, she gets to him and the letter, unfolds it, and reads.)
and writes.) Eat your lunch. You're giving up your flat.
GITTEL. (Obeys, for a mouthful or two, but watches JERRY. Save rent.
him perplexedly.) What are you wri!ing? . GITTEL. (A pause.) You're really ruining me, Jerry!
JERRY. A promissory note. I promise you, conversation (She keeps her face averted, on the verge of tears.) I
at meals. (When he is finished he folds the paper; stand­ didn't use to be a-bitch of a-lousy blackmailer. (An­
ing, he takes up the gift box.) And other items, less ele­ other pause.) And I'm not going to be either! Enough is
vating. (He lifts out a Chinese bed-jacket of brocaded enough! (And with sudden resolution she tears the letter
silk. GITTEL dr0ps her fork.) into pieces.)
GITTEL. Hey! That's beautiful, what is it? JERRY. (Equably.) That's how you waste forest re­
JERRY. Something to remember me by, till six o'clock. sources? Now I'll have to write another.
GITTEL. A bed-jacket! Ye gods, I'll never get up. (She GITTEL. Not unless you want to!
wiggles her fingers for it, but JERRY holds up the folded JERRY. I want to. (His arms wrap her in the bed­
paper.) . . jacket, and hold her. He kisses her, studies her eyes;
JERRY. This is a letter to_ my landlord. (He sl!ps it she searches his. Then he glances at his watch, pats her
into the pocket of the bed-Jacket.) For you to mail. By cheek, and reaches for his brief-case.) Don't overdo a
hand. good thing. Lie down soon. Chew your lunch before
G1TTEL. Huh? swallowing. Take your medicine. Don't tackle the stairs
JERRY. At the corner. As soon as you're on your feet alone. Button up your overcoat, you belong to me. (He
to make it down there.
 ACT· III
ACT III TWO FOR THE SEESAW 77
76 TWO FOR THE SEESAW
1t:ith a_ stratum of gloom underneath-is folding
is on his way to the door, when her small voice stops linens i1:to a carton.. This separate activity goes on
him.) Jo� a': interval of silence, until JERRY calls in; his
GITTEL. Jerry. I do. You know I do, now? voice is rather dispirited, and so is hers.
JERRY. Yes. I know that, infant. until
GITTEL. I love you. (JERRY stands inarticulate,up the JERRY. What about these pots, honey? You want them
she releases him:) That 's twice , there , I used
packed separate?
whole week! GITTEL. Separate from what?
JERRY. (Lightly.) I may need to hear it again before JERRY. Dishes.
that Bar exam. For muscle. GI!TEL,- G 1;1ess so. I mean, sure. (They go back to
GITTEL. You'll pass. packing tn silence._ Both are sweaty with the prosaic
JERRY. Hell, I'll blow all the answers out of my bril­ drud_ge�y of _ packing, and depressed, but neither is
liant nose. adm_itting this; there is an atmosphere of something being
avoided. Then GITTEL stands on a chair to take down
(He blows her a kiss and is out the door, gone, leaving the clothes.;.closet cur �ain, and in the process jogs one
her on her feet in the room, shaking her head after support of th � rod with its remaining clothes; it falls.
him, in her Chinese silk, like a rainbow, half radi­ GITTEL grabs it.) Help!
ance, half tears. She fingers his coat, sits, and brings JERRY. (Drops what he is doing, and comes at once,
it to her face; she is much troubled.) on the run.) What's wrong?
CURTAIN GrTTEL. This cruddy pole. S'all.
.JERRY. (Relieved.) Oh. I thought you- (He stops
ACT THREE himself, takes the rod and clothes off her hands and lays
th�m on the couch.) Never did get around to fixing that
thmg permanently. Guess I never believed it was perma­
nent, all it takes is two screws and a- (He becomes
SCENE 2 aware of her eyes moody on him.) Hm?
Jerry's room. GITTEL. Nothing.
It is May, almost summer now, a hot muggy dusk, 1;�nd (They gaze at each other a moment, something unsaid
eight months since this afjair began. Once again the
windows of both rooms are open-Jerry's from the betw�en them. Then JERRY grips her at the waist,
and lifts her down.)
top-and the sounds of TRAFFIC float in. In
Gittel's room the only change is that the table is
cleared of all Jerry's exam-preparations, the night­ JERRY. You stay on the ground, squirrel.
table is cleared of medicines, the bed is made. Jerry's GITTEL. (Irked.) Why?
JERRY. Because I've climbed Long's Peak four times.
fiat, however, is a shambles. Packing is in progress, , use to these rare altitudes. (He climbs the chair,
Im
nothing is in its place, cartons stand here and �
and begins to unhook the curtain.)
there. In the kitchen JERRY in his shirt-sleevef is
slowly wrapping dishware in newspaper; in the liv­ GrTTEL. What'd you think, I was doing a nose dive?
ing room ·G1TTEL-barejoot and back t? normal, but No such luck.
78 TWO FOR Tirn SEESAW ACT III
ACT III TWO FOR THE SEESAW 79
JERRY. (Another gaze.) What kind of cheery remark JERRY. (A pause.) Correction. Do we want them?
is that? GITTEL. We sure do. Cost good money, can always use
GITTEL. I mean bad luck.
JERRY. Oh. I thought you meant good bad luck. them.
GITTEL. What's Long's Peak? JERRY. That's right, ten cents a pair. I'll get a screw­
JERRY. Mountain. Front Range, Colorado. Fourteen dnver. (Ile comes down, to head for the kitchen.)
thousand feet, up on all fours, down on all fives. GITTEL. So then don't!
GITTEL. (A pause.) I been up the Empire State nine­ JERRY. I mean what do we need all this junk for? We
teen times, so what? have your curtains there, we're not going to--
JERRY. (Smiles, shakes his head, and turns toJzand-he:,:­ . GITTEL. Wh�t junk? (She is handling the drapes,
the curtain.) Here. (But GITTEL is on her way out to pinches up a piece.) That's good stuff, forty-seven cents
the kitchen, in a mood. JERRY stares, tosses the curtain a yard reduced, I could make eleven different things out
onto the couch mattress, bare in its ticking, and considers of it.
the window-drapes.) You want this other one down? JERRY. Name ten.
GITTEL. (Out of sight.) What other one? GITTEL. Anything. Bedspread, cushions pocketbook' I
JERRY. Window curtain. was even thinking I'd make you some ne�kties.
GITTEL. D'you want it down? JERRY. (Very dubious.) Well.
JERRY. (Puzzled.) Yes, I want it down. GITTEL. You don't want?
GITTEL. So take it down! JERRY. I just don't see myself appearing in court in a
JERRY. (Frowning.) What's eating you? red burlap necktie. (He goes into the kitchen. GITTEL
GITTEL. A banana! take_s up the banana again for a last bite, slings the peel
jERRY. What? straig�t across the room out the open window, and sits
GITTEL. A banana. (She comes in again, e.ati_n_g a gloomily on the couch. JERRY returning with the screw­
banana.) Want a bite? driver studies her as he passes.) Maybe we ought to
JERRY. I said, what's eating you. (He moves the chair knock off for tonight, infant. You look tired.
to the window, gets up again, and works on the burlap GITTEL. (Testily.) I'm not tired!
drapes.) JERRY. Then why so down?
GITTEL. Oh, rne. What's eating yo-µ? GITTEL. Who's down? I'm in sixth heaven! (JERRY
JERRY. I asked you first. stops to eye her before mounting the chair.) Just don't
G1TTEL. I mean what's eating me is figuring out rush to the rescue. You're killing me with kindness.
what's eating you. JERRY. (After_ a m?ment plunges the screw-driver by
JERRY. I see. Well, what's eating me is figuring out the handle straight into the chair, and lets it stand·,
what's eating you. Which just about exhausts that in­ GITTEL 's eyes wi"den. But JERRY shows no further
vestigation. Be altogether fruitless except for the banana. vehen;e"!ce, and when he speaks it is calmly enough.)
Want these brackets too? ( GITTEL not replying bites at That s m exchange for all the little needles_
the banana, and JERRY looks from the brackets down to GITTEL (Sullen.) I'm sorry.
her.) Hm? JERRY. We're supposed to be joyfully packing to be
GITTEL. I don't want a goddam thing. D'you want together. Why act as though-
them? _GI!TEL. Nobody around here's enjoying this. Every
fngg1ng towel I put in that box I feel worse.
 ACT Ill TWO FOR THE SEESAW 81
80 TWO FOR THE SEESAW AC'l m have hi� see a cockroach. Here's the brackets.
GITTEL is folding the drapes to put in the carton (But
JERRY. (Dryly.) It 's a c�ore, who _likes to break up a steps down with them.) and he'
happy home? (He fishes �n hi_s s�irt-pocket for cig�­ GrTTEL. Who knows, maybe later on we'll
rettes .) Though in a peculiar way 1t has been. I won t real apartment-house even. You know one. thinmove to a
forget this firs t-aid station in a hurry. wanted to live in a house with? g I always
GITTEL. There's always the next one. JERRY. Me?
'JERRY. What next one? GITTEL. An elevator! With an eievator you can
GITTEL. The one we're fixing up for me. (JE�Y looks anybody. invite
at her, lights the cigarette, and to a� oid the topic mounts
the chair ag ain with the screw-driver. GITTEL ta kes a . JERRY. _(Drops the brackets in her purse, next
little radio. The radio stops him he to her
fresh b re ath and dives in, very b rightly.) Look, Jerry, contemplates it
_ r71:bs it w_ith his thumb, and tken finds
him. Smiles.) Remembering the day you TEL's eye o;
whyn't we just, sort of, get married and ge t the goddam GIT
thing over with, huh?
left
door. We keJ?,t each other company many a this at the
JERRY. (Half-turns, to gaze at her over _his shoulder.) I hate to see 1t end up all alone in some clos wee hour,
Bigamy? Big of you, I mean, I have o�e wife n�w. GrT:rEL. Nah, we'll use it. et.
GITTEL. I mean after the divorce. I m no t gomg to be ]ERRY. (Mildly.) If you hav
e in mind plastic neckties
just a ball and chain, now you passed that Bar exam you they're also out. I have room for
it in with the pots.
know the firs t thing I'm going to do? Take up short-
hand! . (He takes the radio out into the kitchen.
knees begins on another carton loading EL on her
JERRY. Shorthand is the one thing this romance has GITT
lacked from the beginning. papers, a miscellany.) ' in books'
GITTEL. So when you open your law-office, there I am!
A goddam secretary, you're really going to save dough GITTEL. (Calling out.) What about this s
on me. And soon as I make enough out of tha t lof t I'm tuff' Jerry '
bills? Gas, phone-
going to fix up the flat for us, real nice. ]ERRY. (Out of sight.) Leave them out whe
JERRY. It's real nice. them, I don't think I paid thos
re I'll see
e yet.
GITTEL. Stinks. GITTEL. (Discarding them.) What
JERRY. Wha t stinks about it? . pay them, all they can do is shu t it off do you want to
if you do or you
GITTEL. It's a dump, you think I don't know that? don'.t. Letters- (She unfolds one, on f
My God, how can you enter tai� somebody a c�ckroach -�tationery.) "Jerry d are t, I-" Whoops. eminine blue
in a � � (She shuts it
committee comes out of the smk to see who s here? hurry, not reading it, but as she puts
Hasn't been· an exterminator in there since Babe Ruth. comes to a legal document in blue back it away she
JERRY. Who are we ex terminating? her memory: the last time she saw it was ing that tickles
in her room in
GITTEL. Huh? JERRY'S hands. She reads, frowning, her lips
JERRY. I mean t to say entertaining. at first soundlessly, the n
movini
becomin g audible.) "-al t
GITTEL. Well anybody you need to. Customers! Part ­ t�e plaintiff has conducted herself as a hough
ners, the Taub�ans, maybe criminals, you don't know wife to the defendant, the said defenc!anttrue
ha.c;
and fait11 f ul
who yet bu t you can't have a dump for them. Can you? b en ,guilty.
Of acts of cruelty toward the plaintiff, clcstroyin
]ERR;. (A pause.) No. I couldn't think �f representing g th 11
some dope-addict who'd just murdered his mother and
82 1WO FOR THE SEESAW ACT III
. . ACT TWO FOR THE SEESAW
(Now JERRY is stand!ng m th doorway a cup in his
III
83
,._ d· ) "-peace of mmd of the e plaintiff �nd the obj ects JERRY. What are you off on
nun
GITTEL. I'm getting out of her this tim e?
of-matrimony. It is · h r b ordered ad"JUdged-" e , you-you goddam
JERRY. ( Completes � j,�m mem:ry. Slowly.) -and (But the grief breaks throug ­
decreed by the Court Ji t the bonds of matrimony here­ of loss:) Jerry, why didn't h, and she wails to him out
JERRY. I c ouldn1t. you tell me?
tofore existing _ar� severed and held for naught. And that
a
the said plaintiff is grant ed an absolute divorce from the GITTEL. (Gazing at him
defendant. Unquote. finishes putting her shoes , she takes this in; then she
on
GITTEL. (After a St·zence. ) So why didn't you tell me, her bag.) Yeah. You only , and makes a bee-line for
Jerry? even when you divorce her tell her about me. My God,
her! One of these days you'll it's a secret you have with
JERRY. (A P_ause .) I hrd Ii with it A while longer. marry me, she'll know it
Digest it. Let it grow ou w1!� ;;; finger�ails, till I was­ and I won't! (But when sh
rid of it. is planted in it, blocking here turns to the doorway, JERRY
GITTEL. (Another pause ) You didn't want me to JERRY. You 're not leaving. .)
know. · GITTEL. Jerry, look out!
JERRY. Not till I was-on top .of it Do you know what JERRY. Sit do wn.
the sense of ne':'er is ? N ver n�t even once? Never GITTEL. You look out or
is a deep hole, 1t tak es me J t�ios e over. JERRY. Go ahead, street I'l bra
l let you have it, Jerry!
across tke face, he is un wler. (GITTEL slaps him.
GITTEL. Then what'll you do .;i mo vin g; she slaps him again
JERRY. Th en? back-hand, he is like a sta
for a weapon, comes u fro tue , sh e then wheels loo
king
GITTEL. Yeah. Then. m the car ton with th e broken
JERRY. (A pause, gently. ) I think I'll do one thing at cup, and charges his jac p
e, but hesitate s.
moveles.L waiting.) Do. I'll JERRY stands
a time .
GITTEL. What?. GITTEL. (Flinging the cupbeat your behind off.
self averted on the couch past him, she throws h er­
JERRY. Pack this c up. (He comes to the carton with it, , tea
kneeling near he r.) bitch, all my life I never yet rful with rage.) Sonofa­
man, it's just no fair! could beat up one goddam
GITTEL. You sonof ab"t h. (JERRY wheels on his knee
to confront he r.) You te�l�er about me ? That you moved JERRY. Why do you think
rhage? I told her about the hemor-
in? . .
JERRY. (Whitely. ) yes. GITTEL. To prove s omethi
JERRY. Like what? ng to her on me, now.
GITTEL. B ecau se I had a _hemorrhage?
JERRY. I' m. not a sonofab1tch- GITTEL. How you're
GITTEL. D td you tell her I had a hemorrhage? you don't need her help so wonderful,· looking after me,
JERRY. I told her bec .
JERRY. Yes. ause she asked my help. Sh
wants me home. e
.1
GITTEL. And .rou d"dn't tell me about this? (She sl!n�s
GrTTEL. (Rolls over, to stare
the decree straight into h"is face JERRY squats, rtg1d.
GITTEL then scram le s up · d ·makes for her shoes. }ERRY. When at last she at him.) She does?
JERRY rising slams ti e cup tn�: the carton of crockery.) enough my o wn man to help, really needs me, and I'm
GITTEL. (A deep breath.) Ok I had to say no. And why.
Smash them all, who needs them? ay, Jerry. You said make
a claim, right?
84 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT III ACT III TWO FOR THE SEESAW
85
JERRY. Yes. JERRY. I can't, in fant.
GITTEL. So I'm going to make it. GITTEL. So what kind o f com itio
JERRY. All right. have a hem�rrhage twice a year?pet n can I give her
Trap you that way, �
GITTEL. I want you he re. I want all of you here. I ore ?f a cripple, one month to ano
don't want half a hunk of you, I want-I mean it's­
�
Y bemg a wreck on your hands ther? Get half of you
around? will that keep you
(With difficulty.) It's leap year, Jer ry, tell the truth.
Would you-ever say-I love you? Once. JERRY. As long as you neeq. me, I'll
JE RRY. (Pained.) It's a lifetime promise, inf�nt, I've GITTEL. ( Turns on the chair, star be around.
I'll���
dawns on her.) A?d you'll move ing at him as it
only said it once. (But the moment he turns again to the ' in. Even now. ' .
kitchen, her voice rises after him:) What s m me to give, without sho
rt-changing,
GITTEL. Jerry, Jerr y, give me a break, will y�m? _Don't
kid me along. Is that a friend? (This word nails him, he GITTEL. My God, I'm in a goddam
then JERRY n�ds) You're one, trap! (A pause·
turns back with his eyes moist.) I'll tell you straight, you all right, I could-lose �
move in I just-won't give up on you marrying 1!1e. 1eg or somethmg m you
.
You-you let me have it straight, too. (He stands, gazing JE�RY. _Yes, you could lose-a lot
growmg girl, and of the two thin of time. You're a
at her.) Jerr y, you my friend? gs I rea lly want one is
JERRY. (Finally.) I'm your friend. Here it is, straight. to see you grow. And bear your fru '
GITTEL. And the other is- it.
You say love, I think you mean in love. I mean so much
more by that wo rd now- JERRY. Tess.
GITTEL. I mean wanting. Somebody. So bad- G �TEL. J�r�y, Jerry, Jerry.
JERRY. Not wanting. Love is having, having had, hav­ ' � mg; this is hard to say (She regards him, her eyes
blin .) I don
ing had so-deeply, daily, year in and out, that a man I want somebody'll-say to me wha't want the short end
and woman exchange--guts, minds, memories, exchange 7e\. (She ge!s down, retrieves her tbag you just said about
, and stands not
-eyes. Love is seeing through the other's eyes. So oo mg at him.) What do you
say we-give each other
because she likes bridges I never see a bridge here with­ re gate, huh, Jerry? (She moves to pass him in the
out grief, that he r eyes are not looking. A hundred things o rway; but he stops her, to
; take her face between his
like that. Not simply friend, some ways my mortal Pa ms, and search her eyes.)
enemy, but wife, and ingrown. (He looks down at the JERRY. For whose sake?
decree.) What coul d I tell you about this-piece of paper, GI TEL. Jerry, I haven't tak
that the bonds of matrimony are not severed? Why would that 1 emorrhage, I want to geten one happy breath since·
out of here and breathe.
I-love my right hand, if I lost it? That's what love is.
To me, now. (After a m�ment JERRY lets her
go.
GITTEL. (Keeps her eyes on him for a long moment, past him, through the kitche She brushes quickly
n
then she closes them.) You ever tell her that? He turns tn the d orway, looki and out of the flat
.
�
h�nds up on the Jambs, unm ng after her, with hi;
JERRY. No. I should have told her years ago, I didn't oving as the LIGHTS
know it then. dim.)
GrTTEL. (Rolls up; she climbs the chair at the window
and hangs gazing out, to find her way through this.) CURTAIN
You'11 never marry me, Jerry.
 AC'r nx 1WO FOR THE SEESAW
86 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT III
87
GITTEL. Not Nevada
ACT THREE JERRY. And not o�ah
that mistake, ever again � I'm no\ walking back into
phone I'll send you th� nusoon as get .an office and a
SCENE 3
need anythin g in
mber. Now if you-if yo
. u
Both rooms.
a burr I an ms tantly, will you call
It is a few days later, a gray afternoon. Jerry's rr,om is Frank Taubman ? You � ,�i
it's taken care oi, 1·ust cai°I n . ave to explain anything,
h1m.
altogether cleaned out, bare except for his suitcase
GITTEL. (A Pause.)
Yeah.
and portable typewriter standing there, and the
phone on the floor near them. JERRY is not in sight, JERRY. No. Promise.
though we may hear him in the kitchen. GITTEL is GIT:rEL. I promise (A pa
You just-you just get wh use. ) Jerry, I ,m all right
no
t you want out there, huh? w.
in her room, taking the dance-photos of herself down
JERRY. I'll try. It's bac� _to
the wa�s. _My terms are
from the wall. She is engaged in this without feeling,
steep, I won't work for .
L uc1 a , I won t hve m
almost without awareness; it is something to do
and all we'll have 1s . Omaha'
•
n
while she waits. What she is waiting for is the phone, what I earn I'm be�m · mng very­
?JOdestly, a desk and a
phone and a pencil. And
as we see from her eyes. She takes the photos to her
night-table and drops them in a drawer, then walks m my head. what's
nervously round and round her room, eyeing her GITTEL. It's a lot.
JERRY. But I won 't sho
new deal, on both sides. rt-change her. It has to be a
alarm-clock, eyeing her phone. Meanwhile a match
has been lighted in JERRY'S dark kitchen, JERRY
making a last survey .of it. When he cmn::s in, hi is GITTEL. I'm rooting for yo
JERRY. No backsliding By u' Jerry. .
you e·th
in street-clothes and hat; he is shaking the match
out, his other arm cradles a few last toilet articles, give up either, hm? · i er, G1t tel, don't you
GITTEL. Oh, I don't! 1 bou .
nce up, like a-jac
shaving-cream, brush, razor. He kneels at the type­
writer case, and fits these articles carefully in. Then box, you know? k in a
JERRY. I'm rooting for , .
you're the salt of the eai ou .too. 1t s a big city and
he consults his wristwatch. He stands over the phone

around some corner. You'll th' JUst don't waste it' he 's
a heavy moment, picks it up, and dials. The PHONE
in GITTEL's room rings, and she flies to sit on her
GrTTEL I'm Iooking. I gofind him.
now I'm · ·n t ropose t a better opinion of myself
bed on it.
GITTEL. Yeah, hello? birthday c!�� �o: a� d th more often. I'll send you a
JERRY. (A pause.) Honey, I'm-all packed here, I­ en, huh .?
GITTEL. (Softly.) Hiya, Jerry. JERRY. Now and then.
JERRY. (A pause.) Some cartons of-odds and ends in GITTEL. Twice a week r
JERRY. (Pinches his eye . It
the kitchen here, the key will be with the janitor. If you am I doing, !�moments h:� · Ita;y.) Gittel. What
want anything. GITTEL. You re doing right' e { :ti :k
GITTEL. I won't want anything. any handouts e·t Jerry . I mea n I don't want
JERRY. If you do. (A pause.) Look, if you do, I mean I her, you kno
anything-important, Gittel, I'm at the Commodore JERRY. If I know anythingw? That's no favor.
Hotel in Lincoln, I don't have the number, long-distance GITTEL. And I'm not going I know. that .
t b Just :v
will give it to you. Lincoln, Nebraska. Not Nevada.
from now on. I want som
ebody�II �ake care g1 mg thC'rn out,
o ( me who'�
 S8 TWO FOR THE SEESAW ACT III
all mine. You taught me that. And nobody like Sam or
· Jake, between them they couldn't take care of a chiclet.
I mean, things look a lot different to me, Jerry, you did
me a world of good. TWO FOR THE SEESAW
JERRY. Did I really? Golly, if I could think each of
us-helped somehow, helped a bit- LIGHT CUES
GITTEL. You been a great help, Jerry, it's the first
affair I-come out with more than I went in. I mean, ACT ONE
whefever this guy is, he'll owe you! SCENE 1: LATE AFTERNOON-Both Sets
JERRY. (A pause, humbly.) Thank you for that. And Gittel's Apartment, brighter.
she'll owe you more than she'll know. After- (He tries 1. Di1:1 Up Sky-Then HIS Apartment.
to recall it.) After the verb to love, to help is- Kitchen Lite· On.
GITTEL. (A pause.) What, Jerry? 2. Dim Up HER Apartment.
JERRY. -the sweetest in the tongue. Somebody said it. 3. Dim Out Both Sets.
Well. (He looks at his watch.) Well. So long, infant.
GITTEL. (She tries to say it, but her eyes are full, her SCENE 2: M!DNIGHT-Gittel's Apartment.
heart is in her mouth, and she struggles to keep it from 4. Dim Up Hall Lights and Window.
overflowing there; she cannot.) J love you, Jerry I (JERRY 5. Bump On-Living Room Lamp.
is rigid; it takes her a moment to go on.) Long as you 6. Bump On-Kitchen Lamp.
live I want you to remember the last thing you heard 7. Bump On-Back Room.
out of me was I love you! 8. Bump Off-Living Room Lamp.
JERRY. (Long pause.) I love you too, Gittel. 9. Bump Off-Back Room.
10. Dim Out HER Set (Follow Spot last).
(He hangs up, and for a moment there is no movement. SCENE 3: DAWN INTO DAY-Both Sets
Then JERRY puts the phone down, and lights him­ 1 1. Dim Up HIS Set Kitchen Lite On.
self a cigarette; his first drag tells us how much he 12. Dim Up HER Set.
needs it. After another, he kneels again, shuts the 13. Dim Down Both Sets.
typewriter case, stands with it and the suitcase in 14. Balcony Out on Curtain.
either hand, and gives the room a final check.
GrTTEL meanwhile has not hung up; she clicks ACT TWO
down, then rapidly dials again. But the minute it SCENE 1: OCTOBER, LATE AFTERNOON-Jerry's
rings once, she claps it down. JERRY is on his way Apartment.
out with typewriter and suitcase when the single 15. Din_i Up Sky-then HIS Apartment Kitchen
RING comes. He stops, not putting either down, Lite On. Lamp On.
just staring at the phone for a long minute. GITTEL 16. B�mp Off-Living Room Lamp.
sits, head high, eyes closed. Neither moves. Then 1 7. Dim Down-Exterior and Interior (2 min.).
GITTEL takes her hand off the phone. And JERRY 18 . Bump Off-Candle.
turns, and walks out of his flat.) 19. Bump On-Living Room Lamp.
END OF THE PLAY 20. Bump Off-Living Room Lamp.
21. Dim Out-HIS Set.
89