Copyright Notification 1998 D. Joe Olmi, Ph.D.

EFFECTIVE CHILD MANAGEMENT

STRATEGIES

How To Prevent “Bratty Kid” Syndrome

USM School Psychology Service Center

D. Joe Olmi, Ph.D., Director
(601)266-4615/4604

Department of Psychology
University of Southern Mississippi
Copyright Notification 1998 D. Joe Olmi, Ph.D.
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TECHNIQUES IN EFFECTIVE CHILD MANAGEMENT
for the Home and Educational Settings

Cognitive Development as It Relates to Child Management

of Toddlers, Preschoolers, or Children with Developmental Disabilities
by D. Joe Olmi, Ph.D., NCSP

C hildren 8-years-of-age and younger or

with developmental disabilities are at
the preabstract level of cognitive
development. They present with cognitive
limitations associated with time, distance,
amount, and abstract terms such as
patriotism, love, and friendship. They are
unable to understand how long an hour is;
how far a mile is or how many comprise a
few. Language, as a means to effectively
manage a child, is also an abstraction.
Consequently, attempts to manage a young child’s behavior with verbal reasoning
will only prove fruitless for you or frustrating at best.
Because reasoning with young children generally does not work, it usually
results in the parent or teacher constantly repeating instructions, often causing
extreme frustration for the adult. The escalating frustration on the part of the
parent or teacher usually turns to threats, which lead to continued noncompliance
or disobeying on the part of the child. This cycle may be played out day after day
in the home or classroom. As a result, the relationship between the adult and child
may be damaged, in addition to lowering the child’s self-concept and self-esteem.
Managing a young child’s behavior is part of the educative process, and
discipline involves teaching. It is important to understand that young children learn
best through repetition and experience. The youngster must have the repeated
opportunity to practice a task and the experiences associated with completing that
task or not. We need to understand that young children require many repetitions to
ensure learning.
With regard to a child’s noncompliance or not obeying, parents, and teachers
should view each occasion as a teaching/learning opportunity, which may take many
repetitions. Additionally, if the child is compliant, there must be an adult response
to obeying just as there is a response to failing to comply or obey. By all means, do
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not expect young children to always do as they are told, but rather, be prepared to
take action in the event that they do not. Remember, the more repetitions children
have, the quicker and more thoroughly they will learn right from wrong.
The following techniques are offered in response to behaviors of children.
If implemented properly, they can do much to help you manage your child and guide
you in the educative process. As a result, the relationship that exists between you
and your child will improve, while protecting dignity and self-esteem.
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Time-In Guidelines For Parents and Teachers

T
ime-in is the attention you give
your child or children when they
are behaving okay. Physical
contact in the form of contingent
touch is the most important type of
attention you can provide. High levels of
self-esteem and self-confidence are
direct products of lots of warm physical
contact with family members and other
important adults. In fact, without
physical contact, your child may
experience social and emotional
problems as he or she matures.
It is also important to mention
that it is very common for families and teachers to gradually reduce the amount of
physical contact as children grow older. Obviously, young infants require lots of
physical contact from their parents to sustain life. However, as infants get older
and their physical needs change, they require less help and parents usually touch
their children less.
Therefore, if you do not put forth an extra effort to keep in physical
contact with your child as he or she grows you may be depriving your child of the
opportunity to develop a high sense of self-esteem and self-confidence.
Fortunately, there are several things that you can do to help offset these natural
changes in the amount of physical contact you have with your children.

1. Physical Proximity: During various activities, place your child close to

you where it is easy to reach him or her. At dinner, during key instructional times,
in the car, in a restaurant, when you have company, or when you are in a shopping
mall, keep your child/children near you so that physical contact requires little, if
any, additional effort on your part.

2. Physical Contact: Frequent and brief (1 or 2 seconds) touching will do

more to teach your child that you love and respect him/her and communicate that
he/she is behaving in an okay fashion. Discipline yourself to touch your child at
least 50 times per day. Specifically, touch your child anytime that he or she is not
Copyright Notification 1998 D. Joe Olmi, Ph.D.
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doing something wrong or something you disapprove of. Touch your child when he
or she is doing okay!

3. Isolate Play: Children need to have time to themselves -time when

they can play, listen to music, look at a book, or look out a window. During these
times of independence you can provide your child with subtle encouragement by
providing brief physical touching (pats on the head or a hug) ever so often -without
interrupting what your child is doing. This will be difficult at first, but you will get
the hang of it with practice.

REMEMBER: Children need lots of brief, physical contact.

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Guidelines to Effective Instruction Giving

For Parents/Teachers

1. Deliver instructions as directives. Do not phrase them as questions.

Questions do not relay behavioral expectations. “Pick up the book.” is far more
clear an instruction than “Can we pick up the book?”

2. Deliver instructions in close proximity. A greater compliance rate

with teacher-presented instructions is associated with being in close proximity to
the child before delivering the instruction.

3. Use a quiet toned voice. Yelling is not a

requirement for compliance.

4. Deliver the instruction with eye

contact. My first instruction in the sequence is
usually “John, look at me.” I must then provide time-
in in response to following the instruction.

5. Give a 5-second wait period for a

response or non-response to the directive. One
must really resist giving the instruction again prior to
waiting for a response. I find it really difficult for
some adults not to give another instruction before
giving appropriate wait-time or the child to respond.

6. Be descriptive in the instruction.

“Clean up your desk.” is a vaguely worded instruction.
It does not communicate what the teacher wants to
be done, nor does it communicate behavioral expectations to the child. A better
way to say it would be “I need you to pick up the paper around your desk and stack
your books on the desk.”

7. Use more “start” requests than “stop” requests. A teacher will go

further toward getting a higher rate of compliance if many more “start” requests
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are provided than “stop” requests. Often one may tell a student what to “stop”
doing, leaving the student to guess what to “start” doing after ceasing a particular
behavior.

8. When addressing inappropriate behavior, be as matter-of-fact

and nonemotional as possible. If a child gets you emotionally engaged, the child is
in control.

D. Joe Olmi, Ph.D., NCSP

USM School Psychology Service Center
Copyright Notification 1998 D. Joe Olmi, Ph.D.
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Compliance Guidelines

1. Get your child’s attention before issuing a request or command. “John,

look at me.”

2 State the command simple and keep it to the point (short) – Example
“Billy, go brush your teeth.” instead of “Billy, why don’t you go brush your teeth so
we can get ready to go to the store.”

3. Reward with praise all compliance to requests – “thank you” is fine, but
be enthusiastic. Time-in is the key!

4. If your child does not comply

within 5 seconds, or does something other
than what you asked, you should guide
him/her to do what you asked. For example,
if you asked your child to sit down and
he/she does not, walk him/her to the chair
and guide him/her to sit. Only use as much
physical contact as necessary to get the
child to comply, and gradually fade out the
contact so he/she complies to the command. You must not become emotional when
redirecting.

5. Large tasks such as cleaning room, putting clothes away, helping in

yard, etc., can be rewarded with praise and perhaps a bonus in his/her allowance or
a special activity.

6. Basically, we want to get your child to comply because it earns your

attention and respect, rather than to avoid punishment.

7. Set up a standard routine so that certain tasks must be completed

before he/she sits down to dinner, before he/she goes outside, watches TV, etc.
so your child may learn to comply without a specific command.
GENERAL RULE: Be sure your child earns more of your attention for
compliance than he/she does for noncompliance.
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VARIABLES THAT AFFECT COMPLIANCE

1. Question Format
2. Proximity
3. Quiet Voice
4. Eye Contact
5. Wait Time
6. Don’t Nag
7. Don’t give multiple requests
8. Be Descriptive
9. Be Nonemotional
10. Start Response
11. Reinforce Compliance
Copyright Notification 1998 D. Joe Olmi, Ph.D.
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Time-out Guidelines for Teachers/Parents:

Procedural guidelines for the implementation of time-out are as

follows:

 instruction presented by the adult (teacher/parent/guardian) to the

child to begin or cease an action; the child is given 5 seconds of wait-
time to begin following the instruction.

 if the child fails to begin to act

within the 5 second wait-time, the
child is placed in a spot two to
three feet away with as little
physical guidance as necessary with
the instruction as you are
proceeding to the time-out spot,
“You did not follow my instruction,
time-out.” or “No throwing, time-
out.”

 when the child is in the time-out spot, he/she is not visually attended
to (no eye-to-eye contact), not touched (unless to replace in the time-
out spot), and not spoken to. Contact is nonexistent, unless to replace
in the time-out spot.

 when the child displays quiet hands, feet, and mouth (not making
unnecessary sounds or motoric movements) a 3-5 second time-out
period begins.

 after the 3-5 second period of quiet time, the child is directed, “You
are quiet, out of time-out.”

 upon existing time-out, the instruction is presented again, if it lends

itself; or another instruction is presented within 30 seconds to 1
minute to set up time-in.
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 child compliance with the instruction is always followed by time-in.

Note: While this procedure may seem quite simple to implement, do not
fool yourself. It takes skill and practice to implement effectively.

Guidelines developed by D. Joe Olmi, Ph.D., NCSP

USM School Psychology Service Center
Copyright Notification 1998 D. Joe Olmi, Ph.D.
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PLAYING THE CHILD’S GAME

Guidelines for Parents and Teachers

The first step in the Child’s Game involves learning how to pay
attention to your child’s okay behavior when it happens during playtime. To learn
this, you must practice what we call “paying attention.” Later, we will show you how
to use these skills when your child does what you ask. Paying attention involves the
following:

1. Find a time when your child is playing with something enjoyable and that is
appropriate. This can be a time when your child normally plays alone, or a special
time, which you set aside each day. In either case, you are to spend at lest 15 to
20 minutes each day in this type of play. The child is to select what he/she wishes
to play with and you are to give NO HELP in this decision. This is essential; in
addition, no other children should be involved in this special playtime; just you and
your child.

2. Relax! Casually approach your child, watch his play activities for a few
minutes, and then sit down next to your child if he or she is playing at a table or on
the ground.

3. Watch your child’s activities for a few

moments to get some idea of what he/she is doing.

4. Begin to describe to your child what he/she

is doing. This is done something like what a
sportscaster at a baseball game would do--
describe the action. Another way of thinking of
this style of talking to your child is to pretend
there is a blind person in the room with you and
you child, and you must describe to that person what your child is doing. In either
case, you simply narrate you child’s activities and no more.

5. ASK NO QUESTIONS AND GIVE NO COMMANDS! During this playtime,

you should avoid asking any questions. You will find this to be very difficult since
most parents interact with the children primarily through questions. Questions will
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only serve to provoke confrontations during this playtime. Avoid them! Also, use no
commands. You are not to direct your child’s activity at all unless it becomes
extremely inappropriate.

6. Occasionally, provide your child with positive, genuine feedback. This should
be a positive statement about what you like that he child is doing. For instance, “I
like it when you and I play quietly together.” AVOID comments about what your
child is not doing; for instance, “I enjoy it when you don’t throw the toys
around the room.” This type of comment is nagging.

7. If your child begins to misbehave, simply turn

away and attend to something else in the room. If the
misbehavior continues or gets worse, then leave the
play area immediately. Come back and play with your
child later when he/she is behaving more appropriately.
If another child tries to become involved (and many
siblings do when they see you paying attention to
another child), direct them not to play, but tell them
you will spend some “special time” with them alone later.
If both parents are living at home, the one can take the
other children away from the play area while the other
plays with the child of concern.

8. Each parent or teacher should spend at least 15-20 minutes with the child
each day.

9. If the child becomes extremely disruptive or abusive during play, then

discipline the child the way that you normally would. We will show you later how to
effectively discipline the child during such times.

10. The program is much easier to talk about than to do!