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 S WA L L
HO OW
W
N E
A

D
M

H
O

ER
W

C AT
THE

LES
AN

TA
D
O

H
T

ER I C
GR E D
U ESOME M

ROB MYERS, M . D .
THE WOMAN WHO SWALLOWED HER CAT
Copyright © Rob Myers, 2011

Published by ECW Press

2120 Queen Street East, Suite 200, Toronto, Ontario, Canada m4e 1e2
416-694-3348 / [email protected]

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a

retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any process — electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording, or otherwise — without the prior written permission of the
copyright owner and ECW Press. The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book
via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal
and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not
participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support
of the author’s rights is appreciated.

library and archives canada cataloguing in publication

Myers, Rob
The woman who swallowed her cat : and other gruesome medical
tales / Rob Myers.

isbn 978-1-77041-061-9
also issued as: 978-1-77090-077-6 (pdf); 978-1-77090-076-9 (epub)

1. Medicine—Miscellanea. 2. Medicine—Anecdotes. i. Title.

r706.m85 2011 610 c2011-902856-5

Editor: Randi Chapnik Myers

Cover design: David Gee
Text: Troy Cunningham
Printing: Webcom 1 2 3 4 5

The publication of The Woman Who Swallowed Her Cat has been generously supported
by the Canada Council for the Arts which last year invested $20.1 million in writing and
publishing throughout Canada, and by the Ontario Arts Council, an agency of the
Government of Ontario. We also acknowledge the financial support of the Government
of Canada through the Canada Book Fund for our publishing activities, and the
contribution of the Government of Ontario through the Ontario Book Publishing Tax
Credit. The marketing of this book was made possible with the support of the Ontario
Media Development Corporation.

printed and bound in canada

CONTENTS

Introduction vii
1. Dragon Tales 1
2. The Remains of the Day 8
3. Stiffed 14
4. Ball Breaker 23
5. The Disappearing Man 30
6. The Santa Syndrome 36
7. Italian Stallion 42
8. PB and Slay 48
9. Buzz Kill 53
10. Breakfast Special 58
11. Friends and Enemas 64
12. Hot Stuff 71
13. Hair Today Gone Tomorrow 79
14. Alien 86
15. The Man Who Lost His Head 91
16. Squish Kebobs 97
17. Eye Spy 103
18. Hands Off 110
19. Vlad the Impaler 118
20. Barbie Doll 126
21. A Cut Above 133
22. Split Second 138
23. The Coke Side of Life 143
24. Man’s Best Friend 149
25. Chicken Little 154
26. Kentucky Woman 161
27. Self-Preservation 168
28. Nylons and Ligatures
and Snares — Oh My! 174
29. Screwed 180
30. Fecal Matters 186
31. It’s Only a Flesh Wound 192
32. The Catch of the Day 198
33. Inside Out 203
34. Let’s Get Smashed 208
35. Hitting the Jackpot 213
36. Heat of the Moment 219
37. Steak and Legs 226
38. Food for Thought 232
39. The Nose Knows 238
40. Tractor Attraction 243
41. Entry Wound 248
42. Model Behavior 254
43. Breathe Easy 259
44. Any Way You Slice It 266
45. Trick or Treat 272
46. Broken Hearted 277
47. Gossypiboma 283
48. Named 289
49. Blast from the Past 295
50. The Woman Who
Swallowed Her Cat 301
Acknowledgments 307
 ODUCTIO
TR
IN

Some cases in forensic medicine are so bizarre, so unbelievable,

bewildering and incomprehensible that they could not pos-
sibly be conceived in the imagination of a fiction writer or
Hollywood producer. These cases are so disturbing that they
have to be true. And the proof of their veracity lies in the some-
times dusty academic medical journal pages on which they
are published. To find these fantastic stories, I spent countless
hours scouring both recent publications and volumes that
had gone untouched since they were first bound and shelved
in medical library basements. Buried in thousands of obscure
case reports spanning decades, an occasional case jumped out
that was so strange, I found myself glued.
This book is a collection of fifty unbelievable and often
disturbing cases of accidents, homicides, traumas, autoerotic

vii
 ROB MYERS, M.D.

fatalities, injuries and more. They are so mind-boggling that

they seem made up. But although names have been changed,
the medical facts have not. In fact, all of the following stories
are culled from medical journals and based on real events —
except for one.
Can you spot the one story in this book that is indeed a
work of fiction? Go to ecwpress.com/myers to cast your vote.

viii
 DRAGON TALES
1

Sheldon learned his first card trick at age seven, and by fifteen,
he considered himself an accomplished magician. Obsessed
with learning more than simple sleight of hand, he spent his
nights reading from books and practicing magic tricks on
anyone and everyone. Like a drug addict, Sheldon needed
progressively fancier tricks to fuel his passion. After a month
of unsuccessful attempts to swallow swords, Sheldon turned
to fire breathing in hopes of wowing his adolescent audience.
Small and socially awkward, Sheldon was an academic
underachiever. As his math and science skills continued to
disappoint his parents, he worked harder at magic, trying to
gain approval, and even awe, from his peers. He hoped that
breathing fire was a cool enough trick to boost him up the
high school social ladder at least a couple of rungs.

1
 ROB MYERS, M.D.

Surprisingly, Sheldon picked up the art of fire breathing

in no time. All he needed was to score some butane lighter
fillers, mainly composed of isobutane. That was easy. He
saved up his lunch money, and the next time his dad asked
if he wanted to tag along to Home Hardware for windshield
washer fluid and other household crap, he said sure. Then, in
the store, he wandered around on his own.
How hard could it be, he thought, patting the lighters
he had safely stowed in a bulge in his jean pocket under his
sweatshirt. “A mouth full of lighter fluid, a lung full of air and
I’m an instant dragon.”
After a few weeks of practicing in his garage, singeing a
few walls and burning some trash in the process, Sheldon
was gaining popularity. After school, he was dazzling his new
friends by swallowing small amounts of lighter fluid then
morphing into a dragon before their very eyes. Flames leapt
from his mouth in all directions.
“More fire breathing today?” Lester asked Sheldon as he
passed him in the hall.
“Same place, same time,” Sheldon said, referring to the
alleyway a block east of Colton Junior High. He smiled, but
his stomach hurt. Sheldon hadn’t felt right for weeks. He was
pale and nearly constantly dizzy. Even his parents noticed
how sickly he had become. At first, he had treated himself
with antacids with milk but in the last week or two, the con-
coction seemed to have lost its effectiveness.
When the bell sounded the end of the school day,
Sheldon gathered his books from his locker. Standing with

2
 DRAGON TALES

his combination lock in hand, he had to bend over as pain

flashed through his belly, gnawing at him from the inside.
“You don’t look so good,” said Les, who was waiting to
walk with Sheldon to the alley.
Lester, like Sheldon, was a bit player in the social games at
school. But Lester’s stable home life grounded him in confi-
dence. The week he started ninth grade, Lester picked up on the
stupidity of trying to look cool by abusing alcohol and drugs.
A math whiz, he calculated that by staying straight and sober,
his chances of addiction, teen fatherhood and early marriage
would be far lower than that of his designer-clothes-wearing,
beer-sneaking, unsupervised peers. And, of course, his dedi-
cation to karate helped him avoid the peer pressure that was
closing in on some of his pals. The cool crowd knew better
than to mess with Les. He confounded them with his quiet air
of superiority, and of course, there was that darn black belt.
“It’s this fire breathing stuff. I think it’s dangerous,” Lester
told his friend. “Why bother with it? I mean it’s all show. You
and I both know the real skills are in your hands, and you’re a
great magician. You could get real paying gigs, man. Birthday
parties, corporate events. Come on, buddy. It’s time to put an
end to this show-off stuff.”
“That’s what they told Houdini, Les,” Sheldon replied,
catching his breath. He stood up straight and managed a smile.
“See you soon, pal,” Sheldon said, as he rushed to the
bathroom down the hall. He locked himself into a stall, sat
down, and exploded. He lay on his thighs, woozy again. After
a few minutes, he stood up, pants around his ankles, and

3
 ROB MYERS, M.D.

turned to look inside the bowl. There it was again. It looked

like someone had dumped coffee grounds into the toilet. This
had been going on for a couple of days now and guess what?
He didn’t drink coffee.
There was no time to stand around worrying. The show
must go on, Sheldon thought, as he buckled up and high-
tailed it down the hall and out the school doors to make it to
his next performance. After all, he was the star.
Today, there was a small crowd bunched in the alley.
Waiting, bored, a group of boys had amassed a mound of
flammable trash in a Dumpster. When Sheldon ran up, they
were kicking bottles against the brick wall.
“About fucking time, Superhero,” said a tall boy with
straight black hair shading his eyes. It was Tim, a popular kid
from one grade up. “Keeping your fans waiting is a no-no.”
Sheldon was an idiot, Tim thought. Then again, he thought
everyone was an idiot. Destined to be either the ceo of a large
corporation or a high-level cocaine dealer, Tim loved nothing
more than directing younger kids into acts of violence. Lucky
for him, Sheldon required little direction. Tim got a kick out
of watching the skinny kid breathe fire like a dragon. His
interest was, however, waning. He wondered what else he
could cajole the sucker into doing.
Tim gripped Sheldon by the shoulder, a little too tightly.
“Remember what we talked about, Shel. This’ll be your big-
gest show of the season. See if you can cover the length of that
pile of garbage over there and we can watch the entire alley
go up in flames.”
Sheldon was eager to please Tim, but the pain in his belly

4
 DRAGON TALES

was spreading like fire in a building doused with gasoline.

Sweaty and light-headed, he glanced at Les. Then, turning his
back to the crowd, he removed a small bottle of isobutane
from his inside coat pocket.
After swigging an enormous mouthful from the pressur-
ized container, Sheldon spun around, lifted his lighter and
used his thumb to strike metal against flint. He turned to the
crowd and spread his arms, making a great show of blowing
the vaporizing liquid toward the flame. Aiming straight for
the garbage, a huge river of fire erupted from his mouth and
the crowd whooped and hollered.
Very few people noticed as the human flamethrower him-
self then collapsed on the concrete with a clunk.
Tim noticed, but didn’t care. He was more interested in
the crowd, standing mesmerized by the frenzied flames flying
from the rusted Dumpster. Les raced to his friend’s side. He
pulled his cell phone from his pocket and, with shaky fingers,
dialed 911.
Ten minutes later, the crowd heard the sirens and ran,
leaving firefighters and paramedics to find a frightened Les
and an unmoving Sheldon alone in the heated alley.
“I can’t get a bp! Start a line!” a medic shouted. The team
rushed in, inserting two intravenous lines that poured cold
saline into Sheldon’s veins.
“70 systolic. Let’s move,” the medic said. With that, the
team bundled Sheldon into the back of the ambulance and
sped to the hospital, leaving Les to explain the sequence of
events to police.
Sheldon’s blood pressure hovered dangerously low, while

5
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